Shinigami's Life's Questions Answered
by Rachel Noelle
Summary: Story Forty-Four: How Toshiro's feeling toward Alice in Wonderland have changed over the years.
1. Proper Addressing

**Title: **Proper Addressing  
**Date:** 30 October, 2008  
**Words:** 302  
**Characters:** Hitsugaya and Matsumoto.  
**Pairings: **Hitsugaya & Matsumoto  
**Inspiration: **Something somewhere about Matsumoto not addressing Hitsugaya properly...  
**Rating: **PG, for some innuendos

* * *

"Matsumoto, did you finish those reports?" Hitsugaya asked his busty fukutaicho, eying her with consternation.

"Hai, Shiro-kun," Matsumoto giggled back.

After the shock of her positive answer wore off, Hitsugaya bristled, fuming over the use of his hated nickname. She could call him Toshiro, but no one, not even Matsumoto Rangiku got away with calling him 'Shiro' anything. "Matsumoto, I am your superior, and in my office you will address me with respect."

"You want me to undress you? Why didn't you just say so, Shiro-kun?" she asked innocently.

Hitsugaya blushed, thanking the gods no one else was in the office. "Matsumoto! We've been over this. _NO_ one calls me Shiro!"

"Right, of course, Taicho," she conceded. She stood from her spot on the sofa and walked to her taicho's desk. Hitsugaya looked to her warily, suddenly fearing for himself.

"Matsumoto, what are you doing?" he asked, still afraid of the answer he might receive. When she gave no answer, he tried again, "Rangiku?"

She put her hands on his shoulders, rubbing lightly. He relaxed a bit under her touch. Matsumoto began teasing the neckline of his haori and shihakushou with her fingers, sending goose bumps down his arms. He gave an involuntary shiver as she tugged the fabric slowly from his neck, beginning to pull it from his shoulders. Realizing just what she was doing, he grabbed her hands, forcing her to stop.

"Matsumoto, what are you doing?" he asked again, his voice sterner this time. She leaned her mouth close to his ear, causing the goose bumps to break out full force again, before answering.

"I asked if you wanted me to undress you, and you never said no."

An embarrassed cry of "Matsumoto!!" was heard round the division, even reaching as far as the eighth and thirteenth division compounds.


	2. Steering Wheel

**Title: **Steering Wheel  
**Date: **31 October, 2008  
**Words:** 512  
**Characters:** Renji and Hisagi  
**Pairings: **Implied Hitsu/Matsu? Otherwise none.  
**Inspiration: **A robot Chicken clip I saw only a few hours ago.  
**Rating: **PG or K+

**A/N:** I used the Pirate Ship scene from my story "Child Rearing: 101" for the setting. It's around the middle of Chapter 11 for anyone curious. And I apologize, because I think Hisagi is a little OOC, but I honestly don't know how to fix that. Any suggestions welcome!!

* * *

Renji and Hisagi stood on the bow of the replica pirate ship in the tenth division courtyard, trying to affix the steering wheel. If Yachiru was going to drive the thing, she had to have someway to steer. At least that was what Matsumoto said. Hisagi and Renji wondered, not for the first time that day, how Matsumoto had convinced Hitsugaya to let Yachiru stay with them while Zaraki, Ikkaku, and Yumichika were out.

Hisagi was currently fitting the pieces of the wheel together, not paying much mind to the menial task. Renji looked up, and noticing the precarious position Hisagi held the wheel in, devised a plan. He told himself later that he should have known better.

Renji relayed his message to Hisagi, who gaped at him in astonishment at the ludicrousness of the suggestion. Renji realized things wouldn't work as smoothly as he hoped, and decided to up the ante.

"5,000 yen says you can't do it," Renji waved a few bills from the living world in Hisagi's face, "And you know money in the living world goes a lot further than it does here. Just think, we could drink for a week straight…"

"Hardly, more like a day or so," Hisagi corrected, looking embarrassed for even considering Renji's proposal. "And I refuse. I will not embarrass myself in front of Rangiku-chan like that. She'd kill me, and if she doesn't and Hitsugaya taicho finds out…" Hisagi trailed off, gulping nervously.

"Are you scared?" Renji challenged.

"Hell no!" Hisagi returned. "But, 5,000 yen isn't nearly enough."

"Okay, 10,000 then," Renji threw back. Hisagi paused for a moment, seriously considering.

"I could party for a couple of days on that…" he mused, "I'll do it. Now, you get to borrow her scarf." Renji grimaced but obliged. At least Hisagi was the one going to get the blame for this.

oOoOoOoOoOo

"Oi, Rangiku-chan!" Hisagi and Renji called out in unison. She turned from her spot on the deck to face the men, looking confusedly at Hisagi. Renji beckoned her toward them, and she proceeded.

As she drew near, she got a good look at the exact situation. Hisagi had taken her scarf, wrapped it around his waist, and tied either end to opposite sides of the ship's steering wheel. She was slightly appalled at the idea, and made a mental note to have her scarf cleaned before she wore it again.

Unknowingly falling into their setup, she asked, "Hisagi, what's with the steering wheel?" She quirked an eyebrow and carried a curious look on her face as she waited for an answer.

Playing up the pirate theme, he responded, "Ar, matey, it's driving me nuts!!"

Matsumoto giggled happily, commenting on the funniness f the crude humor before suddenly composing and straightening her stance. Alerted by the abrupt change of behavior, Renji and Hisagi started to take a step back. Before either could move, however, she slapped them both hard across the face. Hisagi and Renji looked affronted and worried.

"What was that for, Ran-chan?" asked Renji, pouting.

"That's for using my scarf."


	3. Waxing

**A/N:** This is inspired by chapter 12 of my story "Child Rearing: 101". Please check that one out, too, if you have the time. It simply didn't fit the way I hoped with that story, and I posted it here. Please enjoy!! Also, ideas/suggestions are welcome!!

**Title:** Waxing  
**Date:** 8 November, 2008  
**Words:** 157  
**Characters:** Hitsugaya and Matsumoto, mention of Yumichika  
**Pairings:** Hitsugaya & Matsumoto  
**Inspiration:** Part of Chapter 12 of "Child Rearing: 101"  
**Rating:** PG, for a couple of words

* * *

"Matsumoto, how the hell do you stand having your eyebrows waxed, especially that often? Every three weeks? That was… terrible," Hitsugaya asked Matsumoto as they made their way back to their division. "If I have to endure that ever again, I swear I will freeze Ayasegawa where he stands."

"Ah, Taicho, at least it wasn't a Bikini Wax, or worse, a Brazilian," Matsumoto replied.

"A Brazilian? Just what is that?" Hitsugaya huffed.

"Um, well, it's kind of like a Bikini Wax, except it removes all of the hair," she said, trying to decide how best to describe it without embarrassing her taicho.

"It still makes no sense," Hitsugaya confirmed her fears.

A few minutes later, a very red faced Hitsugaya and a slightly blushing, giggling Matsumoto continued on their walk. "If I ever ask for the details of something like that again, remind me to stop," he commanded.

"Hai, Toshiro," was all Matsumoto could manage in response.


	4. Reload

**A/N:** This is based on actual, true events. I tried to get this to work with other characters, but only Yoruichi would be brave enough to say something like this, besides Matsumoto, and I just don't see it having the same effect on Urahara. Maybe I'll rewrite it for them anyway? Tell me what you think. Will be included in chapter 13 or 14 of Child Rearing: 101, but I wanted it here first. I think I might change it up a bit for that one.

Hitsugaya is so easy to embarrass like this. It's just too much fun!!

**Title:** Reload  
**Date:** 10 November, 2008  
**Words:** 519  
**Characters:** Hitsugaya and Matsumoto  
**Pairings:** Hitsugaya & Matsumoto (implied, as always)  
**Inspiration:** Totally and completely based on a true story.  
**Rating:** PG, for the fact that this will lead you to some graphic-ish mental pictures about the facts-of-life. Well, it would me. 8-)

* * *

Matsumoto, for once in her decades serving as Hitsugaya's fukutaicho, actually sat at her desk, doing paperwork. Hitsugaya's jaw nearly dropped to the floor when he saw it. In a very literal sense, too, as he tripped over an uneven floorboard and almost lost his balance.

Trying to do nothing to distract her, he'd said very few words to her that morning and all of them kind. Well, at least he hadn't yelled or even raised his voice. Considering her usual work ethic in paperwork-related matters, he wasn't the least surprised when around noon she scooted her chair from her desk and moved to the sofa.

Hitsugaya was a bit surprised, however, when she crossed her arms over her stomach, and wincing in apparent pain, nearly doubled over for a few moments. She bent over so far the longest strands of her hair touched the floor. He quickly grew concerned and rushed to her side, not having the faintest idea what could be wrong.

"Ran, are you okay?" he queried nervously, "I knew you must be sick when you didn't even try to get out of doing the paperwork. Should I take you to fourth? Or would you rather go home and lie down? You can even use my pillow. Not that you don't already, anyway, but I'll even let you drool on it if you want…" Hitsugaya continued on in this manner for a few more moments before Matsumoto chuckled softly and sat back up.

"Really, Toshiro, I'm fine. Just a small stomachache. It only lasts for a few seconds, usually," she said laughingly. A look of relief half-way washed over his features.

"Are you sure? You really looked like you were in terrible pain. You're sure you don't want to rest?"

_Poor Toshiro, so much to learn… _Matsumoto thought. Haineko purred in excitement.

'_Ooh, and what is the plan for today's lesson?'_ the Ash Cat asked in return.

_You'll see, _Matsumoto told her before she abruptly stood up and walked to the bathroom door.

"Where are you going? If you're going to be sick I'll come hold your hair back for you," Hitsugaya told her, concern still showing heavily on his features.

"I have to reload, and I don't think you want to watch me, Taicho. Really," she told him, smiling in amusement. Realizing she really would be okay, he turned his look of concern into confusion.

"Reload? What are you reloading? In the washroom, no less?" he asked, feeling a bit miffed.

Matsumoto retrieved a small, cylindrical object from her robes, shrugging the slightest bit before showing it to him. It took him a moment to realize he still didn't understand the woman. He shook his head, vaguely showing this fact.

She laughed again, and decided to educate him. "Tampons," was all she said, but the dawning realization on his face would forever have a place in her mind.

As she disappeared into the washroom, she laughed, leaving a very embarrassed and very much blushing Hitsugaya to stand gaping at her back.

He made a mental note to never ask again when she told him she needed to reload _anything_.

* * *

**A/N:** Just for anyone who may not be entirely clear on this, my stomach cramps at my "time of the month" usually only last a few seconds then go away. And, yes, that is what I intended to be ailing Matsumoto.


	5. Initiation

**A/N:** Again, based on a very real, very true event. Sorority initiation week, my pledge sisters and I get to have some fun with the whole thing, and well, this happened one night. Quite by accident. And freaking hilarious. This is longer than I hoped, but I don't know how to shorten it. If the length bothers you, I apologize.

Also, a _novitiate_ is a girl/woman who has pledged a certain sorority and is only waiting to be initiated (as in all of the fees are paid, prior required ceremonies attended) and a _neophyte_ is the male version of this. At least on my campus. I'm an _**ΑΓΔ**_ (Alpha Gamma Delta) alumni myself!! Woot! Go AGD!

**Title:** Initiation  
**Date:** 11 November, 2008  
**Words:** 1464  
**Characters:** Hitsugaya, Matsumoto, Ichigo, Rukia, Renji, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Ishida, Orihime, and Sado.  
**Pairings:** Hitsugaya & Matsumoto (implied, as always), some hints of Ichigo & Rukia  
**Inspiration:** Totally and completely based on a true story.  
**Rating:** PG – Please, don't try this at home.

* * *

A group of Shinigami and their friends in Karakura Town stood huddled in Orihime's apartment in the hallway leading to the living room. They had all been instructed to wash their hands, and well, with no clue why. Hitsugaya and Matsumoto, however, stood in the living room, preparing for the "Initiation," as Matsumoto dubbed it. Hitsugaya was reluctant at first, as none of the men actually serving under the tenth Taicho's command had to go through this sort of initiation, but he figured that if it went well with the people he was in charge of here, it might become a new tradition. Even he needed a good laugh now and again.

Matsumoto took the blindfolds in one hand and made her way to the door of the hall and inside it. "Okay, I'm going to blindfold you one at a time, and then I'll lead you out to Toshiro. Why don't we go in order of height?" she told the awaiting novitiates and neophytes, who promptly decided to start with the shortest first. A slightly fearful Rukia stepped away from the wall, unlike Ichigo and Renji, who had happily shoved her forward. Orihime gave her a quick hug for good luck as Matsumoto wrapped the blindfold over her eyes and lead her down the hall.

They reached Hitsugaya and she stopped Rukia directly in front of him. "Kuchiki Rukia," he started. She jumped a bit at being addressed by him in such close, unrealized proximity. Matsumoto held back a giggle at the sight. "As a temporary inductee into the tenth division, you must swear to the following oath. Raise your right hand and repeat after me:

"I, Kuchiki Rukia."

"I, Kuchiki Rukia," Rukia stated, swallowing nervously.

"Do hereby promise."

"Do hereby promise."

"To serve, to the best of my abilities, the Tenth Division." He frowned and shook his head in disbelief. Why did he let Matsumoto talk him into this oath?

"To serve, to the best of my abilities, the Tenth Division."

"As well as upholding my status as requested by my previous duties."

"As well as upholding my status as requested by my previous duties," Rukia sighed in mild, and very temporary, relief as Hitsugaya told her she could drop her hand.

"Okay, now you have to stick your hand in here and pull out whichever goldfish you want to," Matsumoto trilled, forcing Rukia's hand to a small goldfish bowl filled with fish. Rukia shook visibly with nerves and even Hitsugaya let a small smirk reach his lips.

Rukia fished around in the bowl and caught one of the tiny goldfish in her hand. Before she could do anything dangerous to the poor fish, Matsumoto stopped her.

"Let me see," she pretended to inspect the fish Rukia held. "That's no good. I don't think he was meant for you. Try from this bowl instead."

Rukia, very much still shaken and half-relieved returned the fish to it's former container and Matsumoto directed her hand to the new bowl, coincidentally filled with soggy Swedish Fish. Rukia reached into the new bowl and produced one. Matsumoto commanded her to hold it out for inspection.

"Ah, that looks better. Now, swallow it," Rukia's mouth fell open upon hearing her words. "It's best not to chew."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes, that is an order, Kuchiki," Hitsugaya directed, fighting very hard to control his laughter.

"Hai, Taicho," Rukia put the candy into her mouth and tried to swallow, but just couldn't. Matsumoto leaned in to whisper in her ear.

"It's just gummy candy this time, I promise. Chew it up and make a horrible ruckus about it," a visible wave of relief washed over Rukia, and she did as instructed. Matsumoto removed the blindfold as she chewed.

"Oh, wow, Kami, that's disgusting! I can't believe I had to swallow that! I think I'm going to be sick, where's the sink? Poor fish!" she called out as loudly as possible for the gross effect Matsumoto wanted, just before running to the sink and pretending to retch.

"Woohoo! Go Rukia! Welcome to the division!" Matsumoto cheered, giving her a tight hug. Hitsugaya just gave her a curt nod and a handshake, accompanied by a rare smile.

Next in line was Orihime, who's "trial" proceeded much the same way. Following her were Ishida and Ichigo. Ichigo put up a bit of resistance over the whole ordeal, and it took an elbow to the ribs from Rukia to make him follow the procedure.

"If you want to make it as a taicho, I suggest you follow my orders, Kurosaki," Hitsugaya threatened in the coldest and most menacing voice he could muster.

Following him, Yumichika, who made a terrible ruckus (mainly about his hair and eyebrows) before Matsumoto even put the blindfold on, and Ikkaku went next. Renji and Sado were up for last, and being very close in height decided to take the rock-paper-scissors route to see which suffered first.

With all the commotion going on in Orihime's living room, Renji almost regretted the fact that Sado went first. Finally, Matsumoto stepped through the door.

"Renji, your turn," she called. He heaved a heavy sigh and a visible, nervous swallow as she wrapped the blindfold around his eyes. He let her lead him by the hand into the living room.

"Abarai Renji," Hitsugaya began, about to repeat Matsumoto's before tonight not existent oath for the final time. He was relieved. "As a temporary inductee into the Tenth Division, you must swear to the following oath. Raise your right hand and repeat after me."

Renji raised his right hand reluctantly. Hitsugaya began the oath and he repeated. Finally, he was presented with the first bowl of goldfish. Ikkaku, Yumichika, Ichigo, and even Sado and Ishida started a chorus of "Renji-ji! Renji-ji! Renji-Ji!" to cheer him on.

Knowing what had occurred – if Rukia's "Poor fish!" and Orihime's "Yay, I swallowed him whole!" and advice from Yumichika to not chew, because it wouldn't be pretty were any indication – he was going to be forced to swallow a goldfish. Whole, uncooked. _That poor goldfish,_ he thought, _I really hope he knows I don't mean this…_

In one swift motion, he stuck his hand in the first bowl offered and scooped up a fish. Matsumoto tried, even Hitsugaya tried to give him a direct order, to get him to show her the fish, but to no avail. By the time those words met Renji's ears, he'd already stuffed the goldfish in his mouth and swallowed it whole. At least Matsumoto had had sense enough to set the bowl down.

The chatter and noise in the roomed ceased immediately. No one bothered to breathe after their initial, collective gasp, and everyone's mouth hung open. Noticing something amiss, Renji removed the blindfold to look at everyone. For a long moment all they could do was stare.

Suddenly, latching onto Ichigo's shirt, Rukia burst into such a fit of giggles that the others thought she might have gone temporarily insane. Rukia collapsed, going weak in the knees, and Ichigo held tightly to her for her support.

"I don't know if I can forget such an ugly scene!" Yumichika exclaimed.

"I can't believe you actually did that, Renji. Wow!" Matsumoto finally found her voice. Ikkaku and Sado gave him a congratulatory pat on the back.

"What did I do wrong?" Renji growled at his audience. "I was supposed to swallow the damn thing, wasn' I?"

By this point Orihime, Ikkaku, Matsumoto, Ichigo, and even Ishida and Sado had joined in with Rukia's laughter. Hitsugaya just placed a hand on his forehead, grinning in amusement and disbelief.

"Abarai, you weren't actually supposed to swallow that. We have these gummy fish here for you to swallow. The gold fish was just a joke. Rangiku _tried_ to get you to show it to her, so that she could make you put it back and eat a gummy instead. I even _ordered_ you to…" Hitsugaya trailed off, sighing heavily at the wonder.

All the very embarrassed Renji could muster in response was a weak "Oh."

He was the talk of Seireitei for the next six weeks whenever he had to report in to Soul Society. Being the "star" of the night, and to give him a chance to brag, he was elected to act as the go between for the incredibly long mission. When he saw the amusement and praise he received from Hisagi, Kira, and especially Hinamori, he no longer felt embarrassed, but a totally different kind of brave.

He did try not to ever think about the goldfish when drinking or eating, though, for fear of losing his lunch and the fishy remains coming back to haunt him. Nor did he care to think about expelling the remains from his system, either.

* * *

A/N: Well, that's pretty much the story of one of my initiation activities. Sadly, that's now considered hazing, and we can't do it anymore. By the way, in all honesty, I didn't swallow the goldfish. It was one of my sisters. I knew what from the 'ceremony' thanks to some older sisters, so I was prepared to not swallow the real thing. Thank Kami luck was on my side that night.

But, being Greek is awesome. If your College/University offers you the chance to join a social sorority or fraternity, I suggest you take it!

Swedish Fish, for anyone who doesn't know, are a type of red, gummy fish sold here in the States. (We used these, too!).


	6. Obvious Outcome

**Title:** Obvious Outcome  
**Date:** 03 December, 2008  
**Words:** 1581  
**Characters:** Byakuya, Yachiru, Ukitake, Soifon  
**Pairings:** Byakuya & Yachiru, Ukitake & Soifon  
**Inspiration:** A quote: _When choosing between two evils, I always go for the one I've never tried before_. And a secret love for Byakuya & Yachiru pairings. Don't ask why, because I don't know.  
**Rating:** T – some mention of sex, nothing explicit or graphic, unless you've got a good imagination (which most of you probably do)... but anyway.

_This is un-beta'ed. As are all of the chapters in this fic, thus far. Hopefully, my beta will love it, though! This is dedicated to kyokoaurora.  
Please enjoy, read and review!  
-Rachel Noelle_

* * *

"Byakushi!" Byakuya flinched ever so slightly when the pink haired demon called out the horrible nickname she'd given him. He thanked Kami that no one was currently in the office with him to see.

"Can I help you, Kusajishi fukutaicho?" Byakuya ground out, trying to remain civil. Civil became a meaningless word when you involved Yachiru.

"Byakun, I have a present for you!" Yachiru declared, jumping through the window to the sixth division office. Why, after all this time, she _still_ chose to enter a building through a window rather than a door, Byakuya still did not know. He looked to her, quirking a brow the slightest bit.

"I do not wish to receive gifts from you, Kusajishi. Please take whatever it may be and return to your own division," he declared, voice icy and dark as always.

"Ne, Byakushi, I bought it specially for you! It's all shiny and everything! You have to open it, and I don't even want candy or nothin' for it," Yachiru declared, obviously proud of herself.

Feeling a great sense of dread, Byakuya tried in vain again to make Yachiru leave him be. "No," he stated simply, turning his back to the girl and forcing himself to focus on the document in front of him. He really needed to replace his fukutaicho, since Renji took a taicho position some few months ago. He could shove the paperwork on him, or her, and shunpo away from the office, leaving them to deal with Yachiru as well.

Of course, as predicted, the simple one word answer did not sway the adamant young lady to drop her pleading. After ten minutes of trying to ignore her, Byakuya gave up and turned back to face her. He examined her more closely.

Was she wearing makeup? Was she not still too young for that? With a second thought he decided that she would not be considered too young anymore. She now stood about four and one-half feet tall, her hair still as pink and long as ever. Even her eyes had changed a bit. Their deep brown seemed to be tinted with pink to contrast her hair perfectly. She still begged for candy, but the incidences seemed to be fewer and far between. In fact, when he considered it, the last visit she gave him was some three weeks ago. How things change so drastically, and only within a decade.

She made another attempt to force the icy taicho to accept her gift, and this time success was in the air. "Byakuya taicho, please?" she put on her best pout, learned from spending all the years next door to the one other female who could get next to anything from anyone if she wanted. Her eyes filled with tears, making it appear she might cry at any moment.

And, because a man's worst fear, no matter how noble and stoic and refined he is, is a crying woman, Byakuya reluctantly conceded. "Very well then. I see that you will not leave me be until I have accepted this gift of yours. Do enlighten me," Byakuya broke down. Had he been female, he might have cried from all the years of torture Yachiru set him though.

Yachiru perked right up, her tears drying immediately, and fished a small velvet covered box from her shihakusho. Her sensei taught her more than how to pout and cry on cue. Her constantly growing assets, now beginning to look like when fully developed they would rival her sensei, proved to be useful in several ways.

Yachiru fiddled with the box for a few brief moments, suddenly looking like she might be unsure of what she was doing. Finally coming to a decision, she dropped to one knee, kneeling and bowing her head low. "Kuchiki Byakuya," she paused, taking a deep breath, before shakily continuing, "Will you… marry me?" With her last words she opened the small blue box to reveal a gold ring, the band encrusted with diamonds.

Whatever Byakuya could have been expecting certainly was not that. Not even in his wildest dreams could he have predicted it. He felt himself being faced with two options. The first to accept her offer; the second to delay answering somehow (running away, asking for time, whatever) and face the wrath of one _very_ unhappy Zaraki Kenpachi, and likely the two highest ranked members of division ten, thirteen, two, and four. All tied to one another someway by _stupid_ relationships (romantic or friendly).

One thing he'd learned, likely from his own former fukutaicho and the gang of ryoka (many of which could be found in Seireitei, and looking for a reason to fight him) was this: _When choosing between two evils, always go for the one you've never tried before. _Considering he had found himself on the receiving end of the aforementioned wrath… But, that is a story for another time.

He looked at Yachiru, fixing her with a hard, uncaring glare. "You dare to ask such a preposterous question? Of me, no less?" his voice rang out, filling the office with an icy chill to rival Hitsugaya's ability.

Yachiru smiled impishly, looking a bit embarrassed. "Well, of course. There's no one else I wanna ask. Well, there was, but that was some time ago, and since Sensei laid her claim to Whitey-chan… Anyway, you don't mess with Sensei's property, and you don't ask just any ol' body to marry you," she rambled off quickly, looking from Byakuya to the ring. "Besides," she added, "How often do you get a woman asking a man to marry her?"

Byakuya had no choice but to smile. Though he did receive offers for whatever he could dream of, including marriage, from women regularly, none ever meant it for any reason beyond taking advantage of his wealth or status. Again, seeing no other option, he finally made good on that saying. He chose the evil he had not yet tried.

"Very well. I see no reason to not accept," he stated, turning away from her again.

"What?!" she yelled, infuriated, "How can you just turn me down like that? After all the years we've known each other, and the last year I've spent trying to make you realize I'm not a kid anymore, and that I am capable of 'adult' emotions, and that maybe, just maybe, I kind of do love you, and you still refuse?"

"I will not repeat myself. If you do not deem it necessary to listen to what I say the first time, there is no reason for me to repeat it," Byakuya still kept his back to her, trying to hide the small smile that crept onto his features.

"I did listen to what you said. You said, and I quote, 'I see no reason not to ac-'," Yachiru froze as realization dawned on her. Her features quickly changed from shocked, with her mouth hanging open and her eyes wide, to incredibly delighted. She cheered and squealed, jumping up and down (and her boobs shaking, Byakuya noticed. Hey, he had permission to look now, thank you very much) before seating herself in Byakuya's lap rather forcefully.

She forced him into a kiss, and took advantage of his state of shock to deepen it. It lasted only a few seconds, but that was long enough to shake the normal composure of Byakuya. He finally found some semblance of his voice, seeing a rather large hurdle to be overcome.

"I appreciate your forwardness, though I must ask that you restrain yourself at this time. However, I do sense one rather large problem. What will Zaraki taicho think of someone marrying his daughter when she is still of this young age?"

Yachiru shrugged. "I dunno. Let's go find out!" she cried happily as she forcefully dragged him from his office and shunpoed to the eleventh division. He noticed that her sense of direction improved drastically over the years. Though, as many times as she made the trip from the eleventh to the sixth, she could likely walk the path blindfolded.

oOoOo

"Taicho!" a voice called on the other ends of Soifon's Special Forces communication receptor. "Taicho!"

"I'm listening," she declared.

"Taicho, something terrible has just happened. We have been unable to pinpoint the source of the problem, but we are working diligently on the issue. There was a disturbance in the force approximately four minutes and thirty-six seconds ago."

"Very well. Keep working on the problem and keep me informed of any changes," Soifon returned. When the communication line cut off, she turned to Ukitake, grinning.

Ukitake rose one eyebrow in question. "What was that?" he asked.

"Nosy, aren't we?" she teased. He smiled, shrugging and nodding in response. "Meh, just that Yachiru finally asked Kuchiki to marry her, and he said yes."

"You're sure?"

"What else could have been the 'terrible disturbance in the force'? The people in hell must be requesting jackets. I could guarantee it's pretty damn cold down there."

Ukitake laughed heartily. "Given the number of people that's been said about, Hell must have had a pretty decent winter every year for the last decade or so."

Soifon agreed.

To show just how much she agreed, she took Ukitake by the hand, blindfolded him, and led him into their bedroom. Matsumoto gave her a new book, some "Kama Sutra" something or other, and she wanted to test a few things out. Besides, the baby was asleep and she'd not had any fun for almost two weeks now.

* * *

_**A/N:** One last thing I'd like to ask. Would anyone be interested in the continuation of this into a chapter fic? Please let me know!  
So far, most of the one-shots have sort of followed a general timeline, or are all set about the same time. This one should be set about ten or eleven years after the war._


	7. Absurd Insecurities

**Title:** Absurd Insecurities  
**Date:** 09 December, 2008  
**Words:** 655  
**Characters:** Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, Kira, Hisagi, mention of Gin and Aizen  
**Pairings:** Matsumoto & Hitsugaya, implied Gin & Aizen, kind of implied Kira & Yumi  
**Inspiration:** Coming across a lot of Yaoi stuff. I'm not a fan, really, but everyone seems to have Gin & Aizen stories… So, naturally, I came up with this.  
**Rating:** I'll say T, just because of mentions of sex. Nothing explicit.

_A/N: If you can't leave a review and you want to, it's my fault. I deleted the first chapter, and I think it may have screwed something up. I expect things to return to normal with the next one. And, to Thunderwolf66, I am working on your request. It's just been kind of a brain-fart sort of moment for me to come up with anything yet. I promise I've not forgotten! _

_To my readers, please enjoy, read, and review! Also, i apologize if I've spammed your inbox. 8-)  
__-Rachel Noelle_

* * *

She still remembered the first time she asked him. He was, admittedly, still a little young and hung-up on Hinamori, so he really couldn't have cared.

"Taicho!" Matsumoto wailed as she stepped foot into the tenth division office unusually early in the morning (ten am is early for her, thanks).

The taicho in question looked up warily, wondering just what could be the problem. Because, given the time and the fact that she was, indeed, standing here in front of his desk, something had to be amiss. "Yes, Matsumoto?" he asked, grudgingly.

"Is there something wrong with me?" she cast him a pensive look, trying to assess if maybe he felt the same about her.

"How should I know? You don't look sick or anything…" uneasily he replied.

"No, no, not that. I mean, like, is there something wrong with me? Like…" she paused, looking for the right words. Finally she pointed to herself, indicating any number of her features from her eyes to her boobs and her feet to her hips. "Is there something wrong with me in the way I look or act that detracts from my appeal to men?"

He flushed a cute shade of pink before he answered. "Um, as far as I can tell, no. Why do you ask?"

"Because, Gin doesn't look at me the same way anymore. He used to try to sweet-talk me into his bed sometimes two or three times a day, and he sort of stopped a few months back. Maybe something really is wrong with me, because Aizen-taicho and Kira all sort of started treating me the same way…" Matsumoto finally disclosed the source of her dilemma.

Hitsugaya shrugged, returning to his work, "So Gin won't sleep with you, huh? He must have turned gay." She looked dumbfounded, but considered it a possibility, but not a probability. She resolved to think about it later if her relationship with Gin continued down this road. "Get to work, Matsumoto."

* * *

The second time she asked, he was a little upset, thinking she was trying to get with someone else.

"What?" Hitsugaya exclaimed. "Why on Seireitei would you even think that?" he gave her a very confused look. She shrugged nonchalantly, and then her words hit him.

He scowled, glaring daggers at her. "Why do you care what _other_ men think?" he bristled, quite unhappy with the situation.

She laughed, deciding she had said things in a not-altogether-correct way. "Is someone jealous?" she teased. His cheeks grew red with combined anger and embarrassment. "I'm just asking because it suddenly occurred to me that Kira never looks at me like most guys do, and even Gin stopped looking at me like that when he started hanging out with Aizen."

"I told you before. They're gay," he sighed, not fully relieved but considerable less pissed now that he realized his girlfriend was having some simple security issues. She looked at him in disbelief. "Do you want me to prove he is and there is nothing wrong with the way you look?" he asked, knowing he wouldn't like the results, but, if it made her happy…

When, because of their 'social experiment,' he wouldn't speak to her for a full week, nor allow any touching of any kind (not even their fingers touching as she handed him a teacup) for two, she decided she didn't care if Kira was gay. He could have Yumi, if he wanted. She was, however, glad she got the pictures of her cute little taicho as Kira constantly tried to touch his hair and such, desperately hitting on the younger man. And she was especially glad to have the picture of Hitsugaya punching Kira hard in the face when Kira leaned over to kiss him.

Naturally, of course, she commissioned Hisagi to use that as the month of June's centerfold in the Seireitei Times. They sold more copies that month than any other month in history.


	8. Testosterone and Combs

**Title:** Testosterone and Combs  
**Date:** 10 December, 2008  
**Words:** 2672  
**Characters:** Komamura, Kyoraku, Nanao, Yachiru, Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, Byakuya, Zaraki  
**Pairings:** Kyoraku & Nanao, Yachiru & Byakuya, Hitsugaya & Matsumoto, implied Zaraki & Unohana  
**Inspiration:** arrancar125's Valentine's Day fic, one of them where Zaraki is all pissy because Yachiru is growing up. I don't think she knows that, maybe I should tell her? o.O  
**Summary:** What happens when someone isn't ready to be a grandpa yet? He tries to beat the crap out of his to-be son-in-law, and he _will_ be a son-in-law, if it has to be a shot-gun wedding.  
**Rating:** T for innuendos, and a couple of someone's potty mouths. (really, Nanao, when did you learn to talk like that?? Haha!)

_A/N: This is written for Thunderwolf66. They requested to see Komamura and Kyoraku, and this is what I came up with. I hope it is to your liking, and if not, be kind ;), but let me know, and I'll try again! This is kind of long, but I laughed quite a bit while writing it, so I hope you find it at least worth smiling over. 8-) _

_To my readers, please enjoy, read, and review!  
-Rachel Noelle_

* * *

An unlikely pair to find in this situation, Kyoraku and Komamura sat on a rooftop, drinking together. Nanao sat cuddled up next to Kyoraku, enjoying his warmth in the cold.

"It is rather unexpected to hear this, is it not?" Komamura asked, motioning to the commotion in front of himself and the other two people in his company.

"_What?!" a loud roar came from the street below them._

"Indeed is it," Kyoraku agreed, taking another sip of his sake. Nanao still disliked his drinking habits, but they'd grown less annoying since they began seeing one another officially. "I must say, I never expected this to happen," Kyoraku turned to Nanao, smiling softly, "Nanao-chan, could you assist me? I've a knot in my hair, and I can't seem to get it out. I even broke my comb."

"And what would you like me to do about it?" she responded, teasingly waspish.

"Could you comb it out for me?" Kyoraku returned, eyes playfully pleading. Nanao rolled her eyes but fished her comb from her uniform (she was becoming more adventurous every day, even hiding things in her uniform like Matsumoto) and set to work trying to untangle Kyoraku's hair.

"She certainly doesn't look like she is with child yet," Komamura commented after a lull in the conversation. He enjoyed the company of his new-found friends and sat harmoniously with them, savoring the sake he and Kyoraku shared. "I cannot understand why he would be so upset, but, I suppose it is something I've simply not experienced."

"_When the hell did this happen?!" another cry rang through the cool twilight air._

"Agreed. He seemed delighted just yesterday when he announced the news. I was baffled that he actually decided to show at the party, but I suppose she forced him to come along," Kyoraku grinned, remembering the previous night. The eighth division hosted a party, just a quarterly get together they hosted about every three months, for all those shinigami choosing to attend. Their parties were legend, so even those who did not drink or enjoy those type outings usually came. "Ah, Saijin, my friend, you should have seen Rangiku-chan pulling young Hitsugaya-kun into the doors last night. Quite a site it was. He sulked for all of five minutes before she kissed him. Then, he even drank a few shots with me."

"Really? That is somewhat amazing. She has done wonders for his frosty attitude, has she not?" Komamura conversed.

Nanao smiled and laughed lightly. "She most certainly has. She told me that it took her three weeks to get him to kiss her just on the cheek in public. And, she said, another three to get him to simply kiss her on the lips when anyone else is around. It's only been a few months, but now they're, well, doing what they did last night. I haven't seen her happier, either," she told the men, still combing out Kyoraku's ponytail.

"_About two and a half months ago," a female voice replied coolly to the earlier yells._

A few moments of silence passed between them, excepting the commotion below. Suddenly Nanao let out a frustrated groan and nearly yelled, startling both taichos. "Urgh, I cannot get this damnable knot from your hair, Shunsui. See," she presented her now broken comb to him, not noticing the shock on both taichos' faces, "I even broke my bloody comb." Nanao removed the comb from Kyoraku's face, sulking.

"Oh, my dear, sweet Nanao-chan!" Kyoraku exclaimed, and he kissed her full on the lips. In her sour mood she smacked his head with her fan, to sulk more. "Oh, Nanao-chan, you wound me. All I do is kiss you for being brave enough to swear in public, and you hit me," Kyoraku bemoaned his misfortune, earning a not-amused eye roll from Nanao.

"It's a rarity, certainly, to hear you use such language, Ise-san," Komamura mused, highly amused by the situation.

"_In order to ease the distress of Seireitei and our families, we have agreed to marry," another male voice stated firmly and icily. "I will take responsibility for my wife and child."_

"I am so sorry, Komamura taicho, I assure you I mean no harm," Nanao apologized, blushing profusely.

"Ah, no worries, Ise-san. For you to speak only one fowl word in even just one day is nothing compared to Iba-san, who can speak ten or more in as many seconds," Komamura smiled benignly at Nanao, trying to make sure she was not uncomfortable.

She blushed again, but nodded her thanks. "See, Nanao, not everyone is as worried about such formalities as you think," Kyoraku said as he pulled Nanao into a hug. She relented and didn't hit him this time.

"_Listen, ya bastard. Just cause I said ya could date 'er didn' mean ya could go and get 'er knocked up!" the first male voice called out. The unsheathing of a zanpakuto could be heard. _

"_I came to ask you for your blessing, so that we may be wed as much according to tradition as possible, as she would prefer. I do not wish to fight you," the second male responded, just as icy as before._

"Ah, Ise-san, you did say that you broke your comb?" Komamura asked, smiling amusedly at the foray in front of them. Nanao nodded politely. Komamura searched in his shihakusho sleeves to find something and presented it to her. "It was gifted to me by Hisagi-san some time ago. Actually, this is the third that he has given me. I find it works excellently for my hair, as it should yours, Shunsui."

Nanao took the dog brush from his hands, marveling at how it was crafted. There were several rows of tiny teeth, each looking to be made of metal and tipped with rubber. Kyoraku, his interest drawn from the crowd below, turned to face the contraption Nanao now held. "Wow," was all that either of them could say.

Shrugging, Nanao began running it through Kyoraku's hair, and pulling gently at the knot. She let out a small noise of amazement when after five minutes it refused to break.

"_Urgh, you two fools have to stop this!" the female voice cried out, frustrated. "We're going to get married and have a kid, whether either of you like it or not. It's too late to undo it."_

"_As if I give a fuck. I'ma kill the bastard for doin' this to ya, so move outta the way," the gruff voice responded, still growling, but it seemed to be a bit less angry and more frustrated with the addition of the female's announcement. _

"_I can assure you he didn't do anything to me I didn't ask him to," the female seethed. The waves of anger could be felt by their audience._

"Hmm…" Nanao sighed, observing the brush again, "This did work wonderfully well. I wonder if Hisagi-san could get us one, as well. Shunsui's long hair is always so troublesome."

"I will ask him for you. In fact, I'll send him your way bright and early tomorrow morning, if that will be okay?" Komamura responded to Nanao's inquiry. Finally Nanao resumed her brushing, and after a few minutes of swords clashing in the background, declared the knot removed from Kyoraku's hair.

Kyoraku bowed, as much as he could in a sitting position, to Komamura as Nanao returned the brush. "Thank you for your help, Saijin-san," Kyoraku stated as he sat back straight from his bowed pose.

Moments later the small group was joined by Yachiru stomping across the roof. Any fool could tell that she was livid. Nanao stood, taking the teenage girl by the arm and leading her sit between herself and Komamura.

"I'm terribly sorry they're both being such stubborn asses," Nanao comforted Yachiru. Yachiru leaned into Nanao's embrace and began sobbing quietly into her shirt.

"He's only angry because it's his duty as your father. He doesn't want his little girl to grow up," Kyoraku assured Yachiru, patting her lightly on the back.

"I know," she sobbed, "I just wish he'd not get so mad at Byakushi. He really didn't do anything I didn't ask him to."

"I am sure Zaraki-san will come to understand this. But, right now he needs to be angry and upset, and tomorrow he will begin to accept the fact that his little girl has grown up," Komamura added, trying to bring some comfort to the girl as well.

"_Come on, bastard. I'ma cut 'em off for what ya did to 'er," the gruff voice challenged. _

"If you want, Nanao-chan and I will have a baby, too," Kyoraku offered. Yachiru giggled through her tears at Nanao's bewildered expression.

"I thought you said you didn't want children yet?" she asked, suspicious and wide eyed.

"Maybe I've changed my mind?" he shrugged, grinning. Nanao sat silently for a few moments, thinking it over.

"I never really gave motherhood any thought… Hmm… maybe," Nanao concluded.

"Ah, you should Nan-chan! My little boy is going to need a pretty little girl to play with," Yachiru smiled, her tears finally drying.

"_Should you not be excited that you will be a grandfather soon?" the icy male voice asked, clearly annoyed by the whole situation._

"That's right," Komamura turned to Yachiru, still snuggled in Nanao's arms, "He will be a grandfather. Just imagine how happy he will be when that thought sinks in."

Yachiru grinned, "Retsu-chan was much happier about it. I think she's been wanting a grandbaby herself. I'm just amazed that she can tell it'll be a boy."

"It does seem a bit early, but I imagine she has had a good deal of practice over the years. Even if there are very few pregnancies in Soul Society," Nanao decided. Kyoraku and Komamura nodded their silent agreement. "Yachiru-chan, your hair looks like is hasn't been brushed in a few days," Nanao smiled.

"That's because it only takes five minutes with them bickering like this to make it frizz out completely," Yachiru pouted. Kyoraku chuckled alongside Komamura.

"Why don't you borrow my comb?" Komamura offered and presented the comb to Yachiru. She shrugged and accepted it, asking Nanao for help.

"_I don't give a damn what I'm gonna be, Princess," the gruff voice answered, spitting the last word as if poison on the tongue._

Yachiru sighed. "After all the trouble I went through to please his stupid family… maybe he deserves to go through some trouble for me."

Two light sets of footsteps were heard approaching, the air accompanying them chilled. "But, Toshirooo," Nanao rolled her eyes in amusement at Matsumoto's whining.

"I don't care. No means no," the ice-zanpakuto wielding taicho replied.

"What seems to be the trouble for the two of you today?" Kyoraku asked by way of greeting.

Hitsugaya scowled at Matsumoto, clearly unhappy with whatever she wanted. Matsumoto plunked down next to Nanao and Yachiru, pulling Hitsugaya with her, and squeezing them between Yachiru and Komamura. "We came to see what the ruckus was about. We could hear the commotion all the way in third. And, I was right, so he owes me. And he won't pay up," Matsumoto pouted, her look otherwise sullen.

Kyoraku tisked a few times, "Hitsugaya-kun, you should always keep your end of a bargain, especially if it's with the woman you love," he chastised the younger man laughingly.

The clanking of swords continued in the background. "Isn't that how Byakuya reacted when Rukia and Ichigo decided to get married?" Hitsugaya asked, raising an eyebrow in question.

"Yes it is, that hypocrite," Yachiru declared, frowning. "Pitched a hissy-fit when Rukia-chan wanted to get married, and gets pissed when Ken-chan does the same." She sighed, realizing the irony of it all.

"Toshiro," Matsumoto began again.

He sighed, not wanting her to bring up _that_ subject again. Especially in front of people. "What, Rangiku?" he asked, still wary.

"Pay up. I want a baby, too," Matsumoto pouted.

"It seems with all the young couples around, I should try my hand at adopting pups," Komamura laughed heartily seeing the uncomfortable look on Hitsugaya's face.

"We're not even married!" Hitsugaya exclaimed in a last attempt to avoid, well, _that_. He grew visibly nervous.

"So, let's elope. Don't worry, if Yachiru can teach Byakuya, I can teach you, for sure," Matsumoto teased, waggling her eyebrows suggestively.

_There was a sudden lull in the clash of swords. Amazingly, neither man released their zanpakuto. In the silence, there was much heavy panting, each male trying to regain their breath. "A'right, fine," the gruff voice seemed to be conceding. _

"_Fine what?" the icy voice asked, still unhappy, even if he was seeming to become the victor. _

"You want to elope?" Hitsugaya asked, eyes wide and fearful.

"Maybe I can make Byakushi elope?" Yachiru asked, looking hopeful. As an afterthought, she added, blushing lightly, "Though, Byakushi taught me everything, really."

Matsumoto looked beside herself with excitement. "We could have a double wedding! Oh, how exciting!"

"You, too, Nan-chan!" Yachiru declared, "What more could a girl ask for than to have a triple wedding with both her senseis?"

"That seems a lovely idea, Nanao," Kyoraku cooed, taking her hand and kissing it softly.

"Actually, that does," she agreed. She'd already decided she wanted to be married, and why wait?

Komamura and Kyoraku looked to one another, enjoying the excitement of youth.

"_Ya can marry 'er. I knew it'd happen sooner er later, just wish it'd 've happen'd in the right order. Anyway, I decided a lon' time 'go, that I'd let ya marry 'er if ya could fight me like that," came the gruff voice, now sounding downright amused. _

_Angry footsteps stalked away from the gruff voice's chuckles. _

Some time later and Nanao, Yachiru, and Matsumoto moved inside the building they sat on, to get out of the chilly night air. "You know, Hitsugaya-kun," Komamura broke the settled silence between the three men, "It can be the most pleasant experience in your life, to be with a woman."

Hitsugaya looked taken aback, not sure if he understood what Komamura was implying. If it had been Kyoraku or Ukitake to say it… "I don't quite understand what you're trying to imply," Hitsugaya stated, hesitating and hoping for the least amount of embarrassment possible.

"He's right," Kyoraku broke in, "And for you, you've no one better you could have chosen than Rangiku-san. She will be an excellent teacher, so long as you don't hold out on her for too long," he smiled mischievously at Hitsugaya, who promptly blushed a deep red.

"We noticed the look in your eyes last night. And with what ease she gets you to relax now, with something simple as a kiss," Komamura agreed.

Another thudding of footsteps and two more people joined the group on the rooftop. "Nice to see you both still in one piece," Komamura greeted, adding as an afterthought, "Or, two pieces, I suppose, given there are two of you."

Byakuya looked downright exhausted, though amused, if still a little annoyed. Zaraki followed a step behind him, looking exhilarated.

"Che," Zaraki scoffed lightly, "I know I can't keep 'er forever, so as long as you can fight off them other fuckers who wan at 'er for less th'n desir'ble reasons, I s'pose I can leave 'er in yer hands."

Byakuya did not respond for a few long minutes. "I will take the responsibility for her protection from undesirable men very seriously, as I will the protection of the life of our child.

Hitsugaya stood, yawning. "I need to catch some sleep, if I'm ever going to make it through the weekend," he turned to Byakuya, who looked back curiously, and indicated himself, Byakuya, and Kyoraku, "I think the six of us are eloping tomorrow." Hitsugaya walked off, smirking, and broke out into uproarious laughter when he found Matsumoto inside.

Kyoraku and Komamura hadn't laughed so hard in centuries. The horrified, eyes popped, mouth agape expression on Byakuya's face was priceless. Zaraki's expression matched perfectly. And to think that Hitsugaya had been the one to really wreck their day.


	9. Absurd Insecurities Pt 2

**Title:** Absurd Insecurities – Pt. 2  
**Date:** 16 December, 2008  
**Words:** 1294  
**Characters:** Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, Renji, Zabimaru, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Hisagi, Kira  
**Pairings:** Matsumoto & Hitsugaya, implied Renji & Tatsuki  
**Inspiration:** kingleby suggested I write this scene out. I'm not one hundred per cent happy with it, but I hope you find it amusing. *crosses fingers and hopes it lives up to what you wanted*  
**Rating:** T – for innuendos and language. Because, honestly, the 'f-word' is my favorite swear word. I know I'm crazy, but it's for the same sort of reasons as Yumi has for being fifth seat, it's pretty. 8-)

_A/N: I really don't think Kira or Yumi are gay. Actually, I think Kira 'has the hots' for Hinamori. But, if they are gay, I won't complain. This is the closest you'll get to Yaoi from me. I don't think this is as good as it could be, so, I am open to suggestions for improvement. _

* * *

After the initial shock of seeing Hitsugaya taicho walk into their usual bar alongside Matsumoto, willingly, Renji was able to return to his buddies and their game.

"Oi," Ikkaku called causing Renji to look up, "Renji, it's your turn."

"Oh, okay…" Renji paused, trying to come up with something that had not been used, or at least overused. His gaze turned to Matsumoto, who forced Hitsugaya into a seat beside her at their usual table. "I, uh, I never… looked at Ran-chan and thought she was hot."

_Wow, that was wonderful,_ Zabimaru told him, sarcasm dripping from the words._ Wonderful Renji, really. Do you write your own work? _

'_Oh, shut up. She likes to be complimented. Besides, Hitsu-taicho is here, wonder if he'll drink with us… Wait, I don' think he's too happy with me… Eep!'_ Renji replied.

The only two people at the table who didn't take a drink, since all of them had obviously looked at Matsumoto at least once and determined her to be hot, were Kira and Hitsugaya. Ikkaku gave Matsumoto a funny look and she countered with, "Hey, I think I look damn hot, too!"

"Hitsu-taicho, why didn't ya drink?" Hisagi asked, teasing him. It had little of the desired effect, and instead put an angry scowl on his face.

Hitsugaya's features relaxed after a moment, though, and he smirked, "I don't drink. Besides, as much trouble as it is sober, I can't imagine the time I'd have trying to untie that damnable obi drunk." All the men, minus Hitsugaya, at the table gaped when Matsumoto blushed bright red.

"Taicho?" Matsumoto's blush deepened and her eyes grew large in surprise.

"The color becomes you, Rangiku," Yumichika was the first to recover.

"You know, Hitsu-taicho has a point," Renji stated. "Those things are hard ta figure out. Thank god my girl don' wear one too often."

There was a general consensus of eye rolling just as Ikkaku burst Renji's bubble. "Ya know that ain't never gonna work out, doncha? Ya can't be datin' a human girl forever." Renji went straight to sulking and pouting.

"Well, what am I s'posed ta do 'bout it? I can't exactly bring her here, can I?" Renji pouted.

"Ya could always kill her, right? And then ya do the konso, and there ya go," Ikkaku chimed in, looking proud of himself.

Renji brightened for a moment. "I could, couldn't I?"

"Um, Ikkaku, Renji, isn't that like, I dunno, illegal?" Yumichika piped up.

"Well, yeah, but, if she loves ya, and she agrees, then I don' count, right?" Ikkaku tried to reason.

Seeing very few options for talking sense into the idiots, Hitsugaya simply said, "If she agrees, then I won't say anything." He cradled his head in his hands and sighed, praying the fool wouldn't go through with such and idiotic plan.

'_You know, Renji, that's not a half bad idea. You'd quit moping to me all the time that way,'_ Zabimaru confirmed.

A few moments of teasing Renji passed, when Hisagi decided to resume their drinking game, forcing Hitsugaya to play with some non-alcoholic juice. "Okay, okay. I got one. I never tried to get lucky with someone of the same sex, drunk or sober."

"I was drunk, dammit!" Ikkaku yelled when Yumi looked to him in bewilderment.

"Ah, fuck, that means I gotta drink, too. I forgot about that," Renji bemoaned his misfortune and embarrassment.

Shyly, Kira spoke up, "Well… I wasn't…" Ikkaku and Renji, who'd been sitting on either side of Kira, scooted their chairs a good six inches away from the blond.

"You know, Hitsu-taicho," Renji tried to turn the tables and succeeded, "You ain't never been with no one 'sides Ran-chan, right?" Hitsugaya nodded, looking wary of the red-head's intentions. Renji leaned close to Hitsugaya to whisper loudly in his ear, "Ya know Kira's got a thing fer white hair, don't ya? And he's been real down since Gi- I mean, Ichimaru left. I'd watch out for 'im."

Renji vacated his seat, followed by all but Kira and Hitsugaya to hassle the bartender for more sake. Hitsugaya just had to make the mistake of letting Renji and his buddies know what he was trying to do. When the others were gone, but still within earshot, Kira scooted closer to Hitsugaya.

Hitsugaya immediately tensed, afraid he knew exactly what was going to happen. "Have you ever wanted to try it?" Kira asked, feigning innocence.

"_Uh-oh," Renji mouthed to his buddies, "Kira's goin' for it."_

"Try what?" Hitsugaya asked, knowing the resulting answer would be hazardous to his health, and his ego.

"You know, being with… someone else," Kira replied, confirming Hitsugaya's fears. Kira laid a hand softly on Hitsugaya's shoulder, "Someone who can show you how to have real fun."

"I'm quite happy being with Rangiku, thanks," Hitsugaya tried to politely but firmly make Kira leave him be. Damn Matsumoto and her stupid insecurities.

"_Ah, Ran-chan, I can't believe you let him go through with this," Renji laughed, feeling horrible for the young taicho. He remembered the first time Kira hit on him._

"Are you sure? Cause I know someone who'd be more than happy to show you a few things," Kira bit his lower lip, trying to be subtle. He trailed his fingers along Hitsugaya's neck, up to run them lightly through his hair. Hitsugaya shuddered, unable to stop himself. Kira mistook it for a pleasurable shiver instead of repulsion.

"Kira fukutaicho, please remove your hand from my person, immediately," Hitsugaya stated, feeling more uncomfortable by the second.

Kira withdrew his hand some, letting his fingers linger on the younger man's arm. "You know, Hitsugaya taicho, I just _love_ a man in uniform. Especially a man of your standing. You taichos really know how to… _work_," Kira tried again. Hitsugaya thought he might faint.

_Matsumoto looked outright offended. How dare Kira use her line?! Renji caught the look on her face and teased her, "Ya didn' think Kira wouldn' try ta pick up ya boyfriend, did ya?"_

"I'm not interested, I'm sorry. I am quite happy with Matsumoto, and wish to remain so," defended Hitsugaya, still trying to shake Kira without being overly rude. To no avail.

You know, it'll only take one night. I'm fully confident that you will… realize my point in just a matter of minutes. I can show you a better time than Matsumoto ever could," Kira wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, causing Hitsugaya to feel nauseated.

It was then that the only thing worse than being told no by Matsumoto happened. Kira leaned forward, in a last desperate attempt to woo the young taicho, and whispered softly in his ear. "I promise, that I will give you the world, if you'll stay with me tonight. It's been so lonely since he left, and I've been looking for someone to make me forget all about him," with that, Kira pressed his lips to Hitsugaya's face, just below Hitsugaya's ear.

_There was a collective gasp from everyone in the bar. The drink the bartender happened to be pouring spilled over. Renji's jaw dropped, and he stuttered out, "Oh… my… god…"_

It took about .0057 milliseconds for Hitsugaya's fist to connect with Kira's face. Kira fell to the floor from the force of the blow.

Hitsugaya stood up, grabbed Matsumoto by the hand, and as good as dragged her down the street to his rooms.

"Wow," Renji admired Kira's determination, and let out a low whistle when he got a good look at Kira's shiner. The rest of the group erupted into a chorus of laughter, and Renji declared his victory. "Alright guys, pay up!"

The night when down in history as the night Hitsugaya almost killed another shinigami and the first and only time Renji won a bet.


	10. Absurd Insecurities Pt 3

**Title:** Absurd Insecurities – Pt. 3  
**Date:** 17 December, 2008  
**Words:** 771  
**Characters:** Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, Hyourinmaru, mention of Kira  
**Pairings:** Matsumoto & Hitsugaya  
**Inspiration:** RedPearlVoice wanted to know where Hitsugaya drug Matsumoto off to, so, here it is, in full detail.  
**Rating:** T – for innuendos.

A/N: The third and final installment of the Absurd Insecurities mini-trilogy. I hope you've enjoyed. Also, the ByaChiru fic (chapter six – Obvious Outcome) will be up after I finish my Child Rearing fic. It shouldn't take much longer, I predict four, maybe five chapters, and then the prologue. I promise to hurry, but I'm building that fic from the CR 101 story line.

Read, enjoy and review!  
-Rachel Noelle

* * *

Hitsugaya drug Matsumoto out of the bar and back to his flat. Why she moved in with him he didn't know, nor did he care. He just wondered why the women always seemed to move in with the men. But, after tonight's fiasco with a horny Kira at the bar, Hitsugaya was more than a little upset and pissed. Not to mention his security in his sexuality had been questioned.

"I hope you're happy, Rangiku. So help me, for the rest of my days I will _not_ repeat tonight. Next time you can just be upset when some other man won't hit on you," Hitsugaya fumed. Matsumoto fought hard to keep from laughing, but she simply couldn't help the few giggles that escaped.

"I'm so sorry, Toshiro. Really. I was just worried. I know it was silly, but you have to understand that for someone like me, there's only been four men immune to my charms in my lifetime. Gin, after he found Aizen, then Aizen of course, and Kira, and you," Matsumoto whined, trying desperately to keep up her act and not burst into laughter again. "I don't know why you still pretend I don't have any effect on you. It only lasts until I get my little taicho to bed, anyway." She 'hmphed' and crossed her arms.

Hitsugaya fell back into an arm chair, sighed exasperatedly. "I would do anything for love, but I won't do that. _Never_ again."

Matsumoto put on her best pouty-puppy face, and leaned over his chair so they were nearly nose to nose. "Let me have the chance to make it up to you, at least, Taicho," she begged. Hitsugaya's face hardened and he turned away from her.

"Oh, you can make it up alright. You take care of the paperwork for the next two weeks," he huffed, not budging in his grumpiness.

"Ah, Taicho! How could you? Besides, I can think of much better ways to make it up to you. Let me show you what a good time you can have. You need a _real_ woman to show you that, not some imposter," Matsumoto trilled, her voice taking on her favorite seductive quality.

"No," came Hitsugaya's firm, unmoving reply. He stood abruptly, nearly knocking heads with her and fetched a blanket and pillow from the closet. He deposited them on the sofa before stomping off to shower and change for bed. When he returned he found Matsumoto sulking on the sofa, worse than her usual.

"Are you going to make me sleep on the sofa?" she whined, the hurt apparent in her voice, as she looked up at him standing (albeit barely) above her.

"Perhaps," Hitsugaya replied, his gaze cold and stony.

"Well, what if I beat you to the bed?" Matsumoto asked, her voice and gestures alluding to flirtatiousness. She stood, expecting him to give chase, and headed for the bedroom.

Rather than chase her down and reclaim his bed, he was going to torture her by sleeping on the sofa himself. _See how she likes being held out on,_ Hitsugaya thought smugly._ Teach her a thing or two, to be willing to put me in that situation and not even try to defend me._

'_Master,'_ countered Hyourinmaru, _'What if the plan backfires, and she ends up being the one to hold out on you?'_

Hitsugaya scoffed. He may not know everything there was to know about women, and he certainly never would fully understand them, but he knew enough about Matsumoto to know that she wasn't exactly the type to willingly abstain when she was seeing someone. He was just happy he was only the second someone, and intended to be the last.

So, for one full week, Hitsugaya did not speak to Matsumoto, and slept on the sofa every night. She could have the bed, as long as she left him alone. For another week after, Hitsugaya shared their bed (it used to be his, but something about your girlfriend moving in with you changes that situation) but slept as close to the edge as possible. So, by the time two weeks had passed, Matsumoto refused to let him leave her sight for the next three days. She vowed, too, to never let Kira near Hitsugaya again.

After all, as she saw it, they were making up for lost time, and she didn't want to stall any longer. Some of the other taichos were curious when Hitsugaya failed to show at their meeting that Monday, but when they saw Matsumoto's possessiveness and silent threat to kill anyone who so much as spoke to him wrongly, they didn't question it.

* * *

**Note:** The line about "I would do anything for love…" comes from a song by Meatloaf, I believe of the same title. And I am totally like I picture Matsumoto to be. Why abstain when you're in a committed (and monogamous) relationship? And I don't striclty mean sex, either.


	11. Would You Go With Me?

**Title:** Would You Go With Me?  
**Date:** 18 December, 2008  
**Words:** 1276  
**Characters:** Renji, Tatsuki, Hitsugaya, Matsumoto, Ichigo, Rukia, Ishida, Orihime, Sado, Urahara  
**Pairings:** Renji & Tatsuki, Hitsugaya & Matsumoto  
**Inspiration:** Just my thoughts on how Renji and Tatsuki could make things work. With positive results, of course.  
**Rating:** PG, some mention of innuendos, and my note.

A/N: I'm not a hard-core Renji/Tatsuki shipper. But they are totally cute together, and with my idea, it could so totally work out with them. Like, seriously. If I couldn't have Hitsu, I'd consider Renji. He's bound to be fun in bed. (But you didn't hear that from me.) Don't judge me just 'cause I have thing for red, long, and/or white hair. Lol.

* * *

"Just, please don't kill me, and let me explain this all before you make up your mind. You have to promise you'll be unbiased and fair until the very end, okay?" a very nervous Renji pleaded with his girlfriend of seven months. Knowing the kind of trouble he could get into with the Gotei 13, he prayed Tatsuki would at least hear him out.

Tatsuki looked fit to be tied, but grudgingly indulged the man his request. "Okay, fine. But you better make this quick, Pineapple."

"Well, you see, I'd like to ask you to marry me," Tatsuki's eyes widened some in delight, but Renji motioned with his hands to let him continue, "But, there's the problem of you still bein' alive and all, and, well, technically, I ain't."

"I know this, so what are you suggesting? Can't you stay in that false body you've got, that gigai thing?" Tatsuki implored.

"Well, yeah, but see, that causes another problem. Even with the gigai, I won't age like you, and well, eventually you'll get old… and…" Renji trailed off, the thought too harsh to think on.

"So, you're saying that even if you stay in that gigai, you won't age as fast as me, and I'll just get old and die, right?" No, Tatsuki did not like this at all. When she finally found someone, he turned out to be a stupid shinigami, and to make things worse, this problem was occurring. Both of them wanted to bang their heads against a wall. "So, what do we do about this?"

Renji turned shy. Tatsuki was scared for a moment, thinking he might be sick. The loud, obnoxious, opinionated (okay… good-looking, great in bed) shinigami always had something to say. "Well, um…" he hesitated, just knowing that he would surely be killed. At least maybe he wouldn't have to worry about his problem anymore, on the bright side of things.

"Just spit it out, Renji. I promised not to kill you. And I meant it," Tatsuki practically growled out.

Renji's next words came in such a rush Tatsuki barely had time to hear them, much less comprehend them. "Well… I could kill you and if I perform the konso I should be able to follow you to Soul Society and find you and that way you don't get lost or anything and then we can do what we've been doing here, only there. And we could get married." He finished and flinched, preparing himself for the inevitable blow to come.

Instead of punching him hard in the head, Tatsuki just looked confused. After a few moments, she tried to work out his message aloud. "So, what you're telling me is that if I were to die, or be killed, you could perform this konso thing, and follow me to Soul Society, where you'd find me, right?" Renji nodded and Tatsuki carried on, "So then, once I'm in the Soul Society, we could pick up there what we've been doing here? And we could get married?" Tatsuki's eyes brightened at the thought. Renji nodded again, still trying to prepare himself if she decided to strike.

"But don't think that's the only way. It's just the best way so that we get to spend as much time together as possible. I mean, I can always talk to Urahara about other options and things, no problem. Surely we can work something else out that isn't so…"

"Drastic?" Tatsuki supplied. Renji nodded slightly, blushing heavily. Tatsuki shrugged her shoulders. "Why don't we go talk to this Urahara guy, didn't he do something like that to Ichigo?"

Renji nodded enthusiastically, a worthwhile option forming in his head. The couple made their way to the Urahara Shoten, and managed to get a meeting straight away with the shinigami inside.

"When did you two get here?" Renji asked, eyeing Matsumoto and Hitsugaya.

"I got called out for a mission, Abarai. Since you managed to worm your way out of it. Some taicho you are," Hitsugaya grumped.

"Oh, so Rangiku, you came along to help?" Renji drew the most obvious conclusion.

Rukia, Ichigo, Ishida, Orihime, and Sado all snickered. "As if," Rukia laughed, "she just doesn't want her precious boyfriend within the reach of Ichigo's sisters."

Matsumoto looked outraged. "That is so not true! I trust Toshiro one hundred percent."

"But you don't trust Ichigo's sisters at all, Rangiku-chan, and you know Yuzu has a big crush on Hitsugaya-kun," Orihime chimed in, trying to hold in her snorts of laughter.

"And it's cute how she does," Rukia reaffirmed.

"Hmph," Matsumoto huffed, "It was cute when they were _eleven_. They're not eleven anymore, though, they're sixteen." The affronted Matsumoto stood abruptly and marched from the room.

"Thanks," Hitsugaya said dryly to the room at large, promising everyone present a painful experience at his hands, "Now she'll be pissed with me." He huffed and followed after Matsumoto.

Renji and Tatsuki shared a quick look and took seats at the table. "Whatever," they chorused together, trying not to snicker themselves.

"Urahara-san, we've come to ask you for advice. Seeing as what Renji wants to do is technically illegal, in both this world and yours," Tatsuki opened the floor.

"Hey, Hitsu taicho already said he wouldn't say anything if I didn't and you agreed. We already discussed that," Renji defended himself.

"Point being, I want to live with Renji in Soul Society, and I'm not an advocate for suicide, nor am I fond of the idea of willingly letting someone murder me."

"Ah," Urahara began, using that weird habit of covering his eyes with his hat and adding a certain mystique to his character. Or creepiness, depending on your viewpoint. "So, you've come to see me, to ask for my help?" Renji and Tatsuki nodded, hoping they weren't digging themselves a hole they couldn't get out of.

Urahara continued on, muttering to himself. The rest of the people in the room shared a look matching the way Tatsuki and Renji were feeling. "Well then," Urahara announced loudly and suddenly, "Follow me to my basement."

Urahara led the way, followed by the nearly trembling Renji and Tatsuki, and then the morbidly curious remainder of their group.

"Do you really think he'll do the same thing to her he did to me?" Ichigo asked those around him.

"Surely not!" Rukia chimed, hoping he wouldn't be quite so ruthless.

"But, what other alternative is there?" Sado asked.

"I have no idea. I'm a Quincy, we don't exactly study methods of how to coerce people to be willing to… die," Ishida put in his two yen worth.

"But, what if he does? Tatsuki-chan will be a real shinigami, and we can visit Soul Society to see her then. And we can go out and kill hollows together, and she can protect me and I'll heal her wounds, and…" the rest tried to ignore Orihime's misplaced excitement and ramblings.

When Tatsuki reemerged from Urahara's basement a few days later, a very excited Renji in tow, she felt like a new woman. And, in many ways, she was. The only issue left would be explaining to her family and the members of the Gotei 13 just what had happened. They intended to spend some time in the living world, at least until Renji actually proposed and they had their wedding, then they would 'move off' to Seireitei, and maybe stage a death or two. She wasn't looking forward to that, but, she'd see them again eventually.

Ah, the things people do for love. And, once they married, if Renji ever decided to divorce her, she would use her newfound powers…

…And kill him where he stands.


	12. Sleeping Together

**A/N: (Because I'm still uber excited) To see THE BEST REVIEW EVER, check out my avatar/icon on my profile!!!**

**Title:** Sleeping Together  
**Date:** 22 December, 2008  
**Words:** 2175  
**Characters:** Hitsugaya, Matsumoto, Renji  
**Pairings:** Hitsugaya & Matsumoto  
**Inspiration:** My desire to see this played out my way 8-)  
**Summary:** What started out as innocent ended up not-so and a hell of a lot more fun.  
**Rating:** T for the usual.

_A/N: This is sort of AU in comparison to _**my**_ normal "Bleach-verse" but is in no way to be considered AU to Kubo Tite's. Just probably seriously non-cannon. A bit long, and I apologize. But it had to be to say what I wanted it to and to actually stick with the humor aspect. In my defense (and Hitsu's) my dreams have a tendency to be nearly as vivid, though never about that. Not yet, anyway. It will be tonight, though, now I've gone and jinxed myself. Lol. _

* * *

"Matsumoto?" Hitsugaya called out timidly from her bedroom door. She made a noise of assent and he continued embarrassedly, "Can I stay with you tonight?" Still half asleep, she agreed and patted the mattress beside her, indicating he should lie down. Cautiously he took the few steps to her bed and lay beside her, pulling the blanket he'd drug with him over himself and snuggling into it. She placed an arm protectively over him and within minutes both returned to sound sleeping.

During the night, Matsumoto woke, sensing the moon shining brightly through the crack in the curtains, and she didn't feel like opening her eyes just yet. She flexed her fingers, gripping her pillow, and realized said pillow was rather firm and warm all over. And it was moving up and down, just slightly, but enough she could feel it. Matsumoto cracked one eye half open and was met with a wall of white. Strange, pillows didn't move, weren't terribly warm except where they lay under your head, and hers certainly were not white. They had pink pillow slips on them.

Thinking she'd gotten way beyond drunk the night before and was foolish enough to allow someone home with her, she sat up quickly, trying to make heads or tails of the situation. At least she was still fully clothed. That meant nothing… bad happened. Well, maybe they hadn't done anything besides kissing before they both fell asleep. Casting about in her mind she tried desperately to recall who she even came across the night before. Then a thought struck her.

_Wait a minute. Why would he have brought nightclothes to wear if we left from the bar? But… I never even went out last night. Taicho made me stay and work on the blasted paperwork while he went out. I wonder where he went, anyway? _About that moment, she turned to try and decide who was in her bed, and if she even knew the man (she deduced it had to be male for the lack of breasts). The shock of white hair splashed across her pink pillows and the not-altogether-tall stature of a teenage boy indicated that her very own taicho found his way to her bed the night prior.

_Oh, wow. This is bad. This, this is incredibly not good. I don't know how this happened, but, I can only imagine what people will think now. Ah, crap,_ Matsumoto fretted over the situation, wondering if she should just quietly get up and dressed and leave the room, allowing him to wake up in his own time and discretely do the same. Then she thought better of it. If her cute little taicho wanted to stay with her every night, he most certainly could. Who was she to complain when the male she'd been secretly lusting after climbed into her bed of his own free will?

"Well, aren't you just the cutest surprise a girl could receive in her bed?" she asked aloud, not expecting a response from the still asleep male. Mistakenly thinking there had been a 'round one' she decided she wanted him awake for a 'round two' and started softly planting kisses all over his face and exposed chest. What better way to wake someone?

He began stirring, still lost in half-sleep and making humming noises in pleasure. She placed her lips experimentally on his, and he automatically began moving his with hers. _Hmmm, sloppy still. Just a bit. Apparently one making-out isn't enough to teach the child prodigy. Even if I don't remember doing this before, it's the only logical explanation, right? _He was nearly fully roused now, entwining his fingers in her hair. Matsumoto gave her own moan of pleasure, humming against Hitsugaya's lips.

Hitsugaya was, unbeknownst to him, fully awake and only thinking he was dreaming. It was a dream like no other he'd experienced before, and he was a willing participant. When Matsumoto straddled him and ground her hips into him, quite by accident, he lost all control but the will to continue kissing the woman atop him and the desire for more intimate contact. Both of which he soon received. He simply never knew his dreams could be so… vocal.

oOoOo

When Hitsugaya woke the next morning, late, he knew where he was and why. He'd had a nightmare, and Matsumoto was… killed. So he came to check on her and assure himself that she was indeed alive and well. And ended up sleeping in her bed with her. Only for her protection and his peace of mind.

As he lay still, the other 'dream' came back to him, and he immediately grew worried that he'd said something, or worse, done something… provocative in his sleep. He decided to act ignorant and pretend to know nothing about the situation. Until he realized, of course, that his fukutaicho was lying with her very naked chest pressed into his equally naked back. A quick lift of the cover revealed two very much completely naked figures still rather entwined with one another.

He was fighting down the panic as Matsumoto stirred beside him, kissing him softly on the cheek and whispering, "Mmm, you really are the cutest thing a girl could wake up next to."

His cheeks immediately reached a deep red shade. He made a guilty sort of noise as he moved to face her.

"Erm, Matsumoto, this isn't what it looks like, I'm sure," he began, barely able to annunciate each word correctly for the shaking his body was currently doing. Matsumoto looked a bit shocked, she'd never seen Hitsugaya so nervous in their time together.

Matsumoto laughed softly, enjoying seeing him so out of sorts. "I don't know, it looks to me like you crept into my bed last night, and I didn't even know it. Then, you took advantage of li'l ol' me," Matsumoto declared, smiling brightly. Hitsugaya stammered out a nearly unintelligible apology then made to get up from the bed, grabbing for his blanket and nightclothes. Matsumoto clutched onto his arm at the crook of his elbow, giving him pause and forcing him to face her. She laughingly told him, "It was fun, right? So, no big deal. I mean, we could turn it into a big deal…" She left her offer hanging, half-joking, half-serious.

Hitsugaya sat at the edge of the bed, facing away from her. He was silent so long she wondered if he had fallen asleep again, sitting upright. She ventured a small, "Taicho?" and when he gave no indication of responding she grew worried.

When Hitsugaya managed a response, it shocked her. "Matsumoto, doesn't it bother you?"

"Does what bother me?"

"That this has happened? The rumors already say you slept your way to the top, and now… I'm sorry, Matsumoto. I caused this and I can't fix it. I'm so sorry." Matsumoto stared at the back of her taicho, wondering exactly what in Seireitei he could be talking about.

"Oh," Matsumoto said simply, eventually understanding his point. "Bah, who cares what anyone else thinks. As far as I'm concerned, you can do what you want with me. As long as it doesn't involve any of that incredibly kinky stuff. You know, bondage, S and M, that sort of thing," she laughed flirtatiously, not willing to allow the mood to turn sour (well, unless she made him angry). "Though," she added, "I did always want to try it with toys. I dunno, that always seemed a fun idea."

Hitsugaya's blush, a mix of embarrassment laced with a tiny bit of anger, spread from his cheeks to his neck, and even the flesh of his back turned a bit pink. "Matsumoto!" he whispered harshly, trying to hide his embarrassment in anger.

"Well, it does sound like fun," she answered, feigning hurt and acting as innocently as possible. "I bet Hisagi could get me some good connections. There was this place in the real world that sold some interesting looking things. I'd have bought something then, but I didn't know I'd have a use for it so soon." Hitsugaya's sounds of exasperation made her wonder if he was wishing for a wall to bang his head against.

"Please be serious about this, Matsumoto. This is not a laughing matter. I brought this predicament on you, on us, when I came in here last night. And I'm sorry."

"Speaking of that, why did you sneak in here last night, anyhow?" Matsumoto asked, curiosity finally getting the better of her.

Hitsugaya did finally face her again, blush settling heavily on his face. He mumbled lowly, "I had a bad dream…"

Matsumoto, sensing his uncertainty, quietly urged him for more. "A bad dream about what, Taicho?"

If possible, he looked more embarrassed. "You and I were fighting an Arrancar, I don't even remember who, but he knocked you out of the air and… you fell… and…" he swallowed audibly, looking sad and fearful, "I had to make sure for myself you were okay. It was so… real… so vivid…"

Giving a light chuckle, she wrapped her arms around him, hugging him close. "Well, I'm here now. And you're here now, too. So, why don't we make something happen?" She pulled away from him and he looked confusedly to her. She smirked, a gleam that usually meant trouble for Hitsugaya flashing in her eyes. Leaning forward so that she could whisper in his ear, she brushed her lips just close enough to elicit a shiver from the young taicho. "Why don't we do something with our time? If people are going to be talking, let's make it good and true, what they're saying." She pressed her lips lightly to his skin, just below the earlobe. He shivered again, not quite sure what to do with what she was doing to him.

"Matsumoto, what are you doing?" he asked, heady undertones to his calm question. She kissed him lightly again, and again managed to receive the same response. "We can't do this."

"Says who? Because it looks like you're enjoying it. And I know I am. Besides, we've done this before, or don't you remember?" Matsumoto responded, her voice betraying her flirtations with nerves.

"I'm sure there's something somewhere that says you can't date your subordinate."

"But, Shiba Kaien did. And he even married her," Matsumoto protested.

"I'm sure there's something about taichos and fukutaichos, though. I don't even want to think about the trouble we'll be in. We could possibly loose our ranks," he tried again, afraid to give in to the whirlwind of emotions fluttering in his abdomen a second time. Now that he knew he wasn't dreaming, especially.

"Well then, Nanao and Shunsui should have been demoted about three years ago, at least. If not sooner." Matsumoto reigned triumphant, but Hitsugaya remained determined.

'But, what about… you know?" he tried, unwilling to condemn himself.

"What about what?"

"Aren't I a bit… erm, young and…" he cursed himself silently, but came out with the next words anyhow, "I'm too young and short for you, aren't I?"

Matsumoto relented her position, where she still teased his skin, blowing small breathes of air lightly on it, and burst into giggles. "If that were the case, I'd have transferred divisions long ago. And you've already proved to me just how _not short_ you really are." She took advantage of his shock and kissed him on the corner of his mouth. "Unless you think I'm too old and too tall?" she queried, knowing a resounding no was the correct answer.

Eyes widening a bit in shock, Hitsugaya shook his head firmly. "Seems like a stupid thing to waste time worrying over to me."

oOoOo

They never left her room that day, with the exception of a quick jog to the market for food. Matsumoto even forsook her drinking buddies and their sake. Of course, the smile on Hitsugaya's face the next day at the joint taicho-fukutaicho meeting had everyone else worried.

"Hitsu-taicho?" Renji queried, worry obvious on his features. Hitsugaya looked to him, curious what the man could be so worried about. "Erm, are ya feeling okay today, Hitsugaya taicho?"

"I feel great, actually. Why do you ask?" Hitsugaya grinned again.

Renji scratched at his head nervously. "Ehehe, well, you were just acting a little… over happy today, and I was afraid some 12th division freak mighta drugged you or something."

Matsumoto found her way to the duo and stood equally as happily beside Hitsugaya, smiling devilishly. "I've not been acting… strange lately, have I?" Hitsugaya asked her.

"No, not that I could tell. Why?" Matsumoto responded, looking curiously to Renji with that same smile lingering on her face.

Renji looked like a dear in headlights as he struggled to find an answer that wouldn't get him killed. "Something seemed a little… different today, and I was just concerned is all. No big deal."

As Renji scampered away, taking refuge in his own unchanging taicho, Matsumoto leaned in and kissed Hitsugaya quickly on the lips. "You should smile more often, Toshiro. It really freaks them out."


	13. Sixtynine

**A/N: This is sorta important. Well, to me. Would anyone like to see the story "Gifts of the Heart" continued? PM or review and let me know, please!**

**Title:** Sixty-nine  
**Date:** 30 December, 2008  
**Words:** 515  
**Characters:** Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, mentioned Hisagi, Orihime, Ichigo  
**Pairings:** Hitsugaya & Matsumoto  
**Inspiration:** Someone has to explain to the Bleach cast in Soul Society why the 69 tattoo business is funny and perverted. Why not me?  
**Rating:** PG-15'ish. Not quite the M-rating, but if I get too many complaints or anything I'll make this just a stand alone one-shot.

_**A/N:**__ I don't _think_ this merits more than a 'T' rating, but if anyone feels strongly opposed to reading M-rated fics, you may want to skip this one._

_Also, I've started posting Guys & Dolls. Yes, this is a shameless plug for another story of mine. It is M-rated, just because much of the content is a bit more… descriptive than this ficlet. Nothing explicit planned, but if I decide to do that, I will give you fair warning. However, if you're up to it, it's totally filled to overflowing with crack and OOC-ness, but my beta assures me it's hilarious. 8-) And, what could be better than basing a story on the idea of "What if Gin played matchmaker?" Alright, shameless plug over. Lol. _

_Please read, enjoy, and review!  
-Rachel Noelle_

* * *

"I just don't get it, Matsumoto," Hitsugaya mused as they walked along the path back to their office.

"Don't get what, Taicho?"

"Why does Kurosaki always snicker when he sees Hisagi's tattoo? It's like he thinks it's… I dunno, perverted or something."

Matsumoto was at a loss as to how to answer. She resolved to ask Orihime about it, since Ichigo would likely not tell her.

The next time Matsumoto spoke to Orihime, she blushed more forcefully than Hitsugaya was prone to do. So, that's what the big secret was. In that sense, Shuuhei really was a pervert.

One night, a few days after speaking with Orihime, Matsumoto decided to reveal her findings to Hitsugaya.

"You know what, Taicho?" she asked, looking to the young prodigy buried under paperwork, even if it was dark out. He spared her a glance to show he was listening then returned promptly to his work. "I asked Orihime about Shuuhei's tattoo, and she explained why Ichigo thinks it's so funny."

"Oh, did you? And what did she say?" maybe eventually Hitsugaya would learn to keep to himself, but this wasn't going to be the day.

"Well," Matsumoto began her explanation, unable to help the rising blush on her cheeks.

Hitsugaya noticed her blush and commented on it. "Are you blushing? The great Matsumoto Rangiku does not blush. Is it really that terrible?"

Matsumoto made no move to defend herself, only blushed deeper. She did manage to explain it a bit more thoroughly, though. "It's… a position."

"You mean like a fighting stance? That's nothing to be embarrassed about," Hitsugaya could not grasp what would be so difficult to explain that would make _his_ Matsumoto blush like that.

"Ehehe… not quite, Taicho. You've heard of the Kama Sutra, right?" Matsumoto worried her lower lip, watching a mild blush rise on Hitsugaya's cheeks to compliment her own.

"You mean that book you shoved under my nose last week? With those… poses that _no one_ could manage without pulling _something_?" Matsumoto nodded, indicating he remembered correctly. "What about it?"

"Well, in the living world, 69 is slang for one of those positions." As Hitsugaya caught on, his blush matched Matsumoto's perfectly then exceeded it.

Casting his eyes downward, trying to focus on the next sheet of paperwork in front of him, he had to ask to satisfy his, admittedly perverted, curiosity. "Just why do they call it '69' then?"

"Ehehe, let's just say that the curly end of the numbers, erm, represents a head… and well, you get the idea…"

After a few stunned minutes of not being able to look one another in the eye, Hitsugaya finally lifted his head from his paperwork, grinning slightly. "Hisagi really is a pervert, isn't he?"

Matsumoto chuckled, sharing the sentiment of humor in the words. Holding her gaze, and his blush going such a deep shade of red Matsumoto wondered if it would ever recede, Hitsugaya made a suggestion.

"We should try that sometime."

Matsumoto wore a permanent blush every time she and Hitsugaya were in the same room for a full month after.


	14. Emergency

**Title:** Emergency  
**Date:** 7 January, 2009  
**Words:** 1246  
**Characters:** Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, Hisagi, Renji, Ichigo, Orihime, Rukia, Hanataro  
**Pairings:** Hitsugaya & Matsumoto, Renji & Hisagi (ine the sense they're too drunk to know better), Ichigo & Orihime, Rukia & Hanataro (because I'm not totally against IchiHime, I just usually ship IchiRuki. And Hana-chan needs some good old loving, too!)  
**Inspiration:** _Quote: Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you wouldn't have been notified._ This is what my twisted mind came up with.  
**Rating:** PG-13'ish. Strong innuendos, drunkenness, and the like.

_A/N: I sincerely hope you all enjoy this. I saw the quote somewhere, and well, I couldn't resist. This is what I've come up with, so, yeah. Pure crack, and lots of OOC-ness. But it should be funny, regardless. Again, I don't usually ship these pairings (except HitsuMatsu) or any yaoi pairing, but they played out so well. And I'm not totally against IchiHime, but I'd prefer to see Rukia with Hanataro, if she isn't with Ichigo. I can't explain it, but I think it's adorable. He deserves some lovin' too!_

_Read, enjoy, and review!  
-Rachel Noelle_

* * *

Hitsugaya and Matsumoto walked through the streets of Seireitei. They were unbelievably empty, and neither had any inkling of an idea why. They turned a few corners, and came to their destination: the fourth division supply room. Since neither were overly fond of visiting the fourth, they always tried to keep minor supplies in their office for themselves and their troops.

They gathered the needed supplies, left their list of what they'd taken, and returned to their division.

"That was really weird, Taicho," Matsumoto said, scanning the streets as they returned to the office.

"Maybe Unohana called for an emergency meeting or something?" he shrugged, the answer not seeming likely but the best they had.

"But there weren't any patients in the infirmary. Nor were there any people at all on the roads or in other divisions…" Matsumoto worried. Things like this didn't just happen from coincidence.

"I don't know, but surely they'd tell us if it was something important, or an emergency, right?" Hitsugaya sounded as if he was trying to convince himself.

Matsumoto shrugged and opened the office door. They walked inside and put their things away. After returning to their prior work (Hitsugaya's paperwork and Matsumoto's gossiping) sometime near their afternoon break, Matsumoto convinced Hitsugaya to take the evening off and go out for a bite to eat. His agreeing had nothing to do with her promises of spending _quality time_ together. Not at all.

Making their way to the western gate, they noticed again that no one seemed to be anywhere near. When the guardian was missing they began to feel a bit uneasy. Luckily, there were people still in Rukongai, and they acted as though they didn't notice anything amiss. Given the lengths Seireitei goes to keep the two separate, they probably wouldn't have known if it fell from the sky.

"Well, everyone and everything seems to still be in place here," Hitsugaya remarked, leading Matsumoto to their favorite restaurant.

Needless to say, the pair made the best of no one being around that evening, as Hitsugaya (strange, but true) tended to be rather… vocal when a participant in their activities. At least they had a good time.

They knew something was incredibly wrong when no one returned the next day, but neither had the foggiest indication of what to do about it. They tried to call a few people up, but no matter who or how many times they tried, no one answered. They sent hell butterflies. Matsumoto even tried ringing Gin in Hueco Mundo, to no avail.

They gave up complaining, and took advantage of their time alone to experiment with Matsumoto's book and games everywhere they could think of, from rooftops to the soutaicho's office. That was a thrill. At least they bothered to clean up after themselves. Come on, who wants crayon markings all over their desk? And you don't leave your Monopoly money lying around on rooftops, it'll get blown away. They restricted their bedroom activities to the bedroom. Anyone and everyone's, but still the bedroom. As stated before, the soutaicho's was quite a thrill (because the thought was equally disgusting). Okay, so they did that in a few offices, too.

About a week and a half later, when they woke in the early hours of morning, just as dawn was breaking, they heard a loud commotion outside Hitsugaya's bedroom window. There was cheering and shouting, applause from all directions, and what sounded like hundreds of sloshed shinigami.

Matsumoto and Hitsugaya dressed quickly and ventured out into the streets, wondering what had happened and just where the hell everyone had been off to. Matsumoto stopped the first person she saw, which happened to be Hisagi, and, latched onto him in a 'not just friends' way, Renji. She wondered what had happened there and how long that would last after they were no longer three sheets to the wind as she demanded information from them.

"We was gone," hiccup, "to Buenos noches…" Hisagi began.

"No, Viva la noches," Renji cut in.

"No, that ain't right, ei-ther. It was Las Mundo Noches. Now, wait, what was it…?"

"Las Noches?" Matsumoto supplied.

"Yeah, yeah. That place. We were gone there, and we fought them… Arrancar and them trai-lers… trays… tree-tors… erm, what are they again, Renj, sweetie?"

"Trainers? No, trains… erm, tray- something, Shuu, dear." Really, just how drunk did you have to be to go around claiming another man as your lover, especially when sober, you'd as soon cut your own throat?

"Traitors?" Hitsugaya was growing impatient. They could remember Arrancar, but not traitors.

"Yeah, them people. We fought em, and we won!" Hisagi pumped his fist in the air a few times, cheering and shouting again. When Renji pulled him in for a kiss, Matsumoto covered Hitsugaya's eyes and closed her own.

"Thanks. I really didn't want to see that. In fact, I may have to cut my ears off for having to hear that. On that note, you did get a picture, didn't you?" he told Matsumoto.

"Of course!"

"Dude, where were you two? We've been fighting Espada, Arrancar, and three traitorous taichos for over a week solid, and you two were nowhere to be seen. At least we won, no thanks to you," Ichigo, disgruntled, approached Hitsugaya and Matsumoto.

"When the hell did everybody leave, and why the hell didn't anyone bother to inform us?" Matsumoto yelled, causing Ichigo to cower into Orihime, who just giggled and blushed.

"Erm, you guys didn't get the message? Oh, crap. I bet I know why. Omaeda sent out the butterflies, and he sat on one. We thought it was meant for some insignificant shinigami, so we didn't worry. How did you miss your troops filing out of the division quarters in droves, though?" Ichigo tried to explain, slowly recovering enough to stand beside Orihime and not behind her.

"Could it have been that we were traveling between the human world and here, and therefore, had no freaking clue until it was too late?" Hitsugaya demanded, his icy glare sending Ichigo behind Orihime again.

"Please don't let them kill me!" he pleaded. Orihime cast her shield, just barely, to get him to calm down.

When the commotion in the immediate area calmed down, Hitsugaya and Matsumoto noticed Renji and Hisagi still making out behind them. Hisagi had Renji backed up against a wall, and was only moments short of having his way with the bigger man.

"Looks like you're going to have to find a way to support two girlfriends, Kurosaki," Hitsugaya remarked.

"Actually," Rukia, coming from nowhere with Hanataro in tow, cut in, "I'm going to be with my cute wittle Hana-chan. Cause I woves him!" she cooed over Hanataro, who blushed a little further.

"O-kay…" everyone in the small group who was sober said collectively (read: Hitsugaya, Matsumoto, Orihime, and Ichigo).

"You guys just use protection, okay. We don't want any babies right now, and Renji, I'd hate to see you or Hisagi catch a nasty STD," Matsumoto waved before she quickly grabbed Hitsugaya up and shunpoed to the outskirts of Rukongai.

"Renji and Shuuhei are so going to regret that in the morning. Though he is a good kisser," Matsumoto mused happily. Hitsugaya glared, to which she amended, "At least I've heard that. Not that I ever kissed him myself, even if you would have been still in the academy when I did…"

They didn't return to Seireitei for a good week, while everyone sobered up.


	15. Earrings

**Title:** Earrings  
**Date:** 11 January, 2009  
**Words:** 920  
**Characters:** Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, Hisagi, Renji, Ichigo, Rukia, Nanao, Shunsui, Ikkaku, Yumichika  
**Pairings:** Hitsugaya & Matsumoto, you can apply others as you see fit. 8-)  
**Summary:** Matsumoto gets her ears pierced. Renji gets put down. Hitsugaya brags.  
**Inspiration:** I can find no proof that Matsumoto already has her ears pierced, so, therefore, she does now. I pierced mine again on Dec. 20 (for my birthday gift to myself) and have been thinking about this fic since then.  
**Rating:** PG – one innuendo, some unkind remarks to everyone's favorite RED-redhead.

_Please enjoy, read, and review!  
-Rachel Noelle_

* * *

He couldn't believe it. He simply could not believe it. Rangiku was scared. Not the same kind of terrified you were apt to be when facing down an Arrancar, or just a big hollow. No, the same kind of scared as kids are of the boogey man. The scared people are of big dogs. The terror experienced when riding a roller coaster for the first time.

All because of a thing less than a centimeter long. Scratch that, two things, each less than a centimeter.

"Okay, dear," the kind lady tending the beauty shop was telling her, "It's going to hurt, like a shot or a bad pinch, but it will only last a couple of minutes."

Rangiku sat in the chair at the beauty shop, trembling and squeezing Hitsugaya's hand so hard he was sure she'd break it. "Ran, you've got to relax. She'll never get to do it if you don't. Man, are your friends going to laugh when you have to tell them you chickened out." Hitsugaya tried to help her calm down. It wasn't working.

The fukutaicho of division ten could take a terrible blow from a hollow, meant for him, without thinking twice. But she was nearly beside herself with the prospect of those teeny, tiny studs.

"Since we're using the gun, the earring will go straight through and the back will lock on in the same instant. When we could only use needles, we had to put the earring in the hole by hand. It's much easier, and barely hurts, I promise," the lady comforted Rangiku, voice soothing. "See, I've had mine done five times. If it was too terrible, no one would have it done."

Rangiku squeezed her eyes shut and Hitsugaya's hand twice as hard. "Ran, you've got to loosen your grip, you'll break my fingers," he pleaded.

"I can't," Rangiku whined, "Just, hurry and do it, okay?" She begged the lady piercing her ears to be quick. Hitsugaya placed his free hand soothingly on her back, trying to ease her tension.

"Okay, dear. I'll count from three. Three… two… one." The sound of the trigger being pulled echoed in the quiet of the room. Rangiku clenched her teeth together and squeezed Hitsugaya's hand still harder. Well, she hadn't screamed yet.

The lady walked to her other side. "See, was that so terrible?" Rangiku nodded.

"It hurts. It hurts bad." Hitsugaya thought she was going to cry.

"Only one more," the lady encouraged.

Rangiku inhaled deeply a few times, trying to psych herself up for the next one. She finally relaxed her grip on Hitsugaya's hand. He flexed his stiff fingers, hoping they really weren't broken.

"Alright, I'm going to count again. Or do you want me to surprise you?"

"Count."

The lady smiled softly, feeling terrible for the young woman sitting before her. Luckily her little boyfriend was supportive. "Okay, here's the second one. Three… two… one."

The crack of the gun sounded a second time and Rangiku did scream. Hitsugaya just knew that must have been the sound of his fingers cracking.

"See there, dear? They're just lovely, and it's all over now," the woman doing the piercing offered Rangiku a lollipop, which Rangiku happily accepted. A few stray tears silently trekked down her face.

Hitsugaya chuckled. He never thought she could be brought down by something so simple. Rangiku stood from her chair and Hitsugaya pulled her into a hug. She sniffled a few times, trying to calm herself. The lady brought her a hand mirror to be able to look at her new earrings.

"Your ears will probably be red for a few hours, maybe as much as a couple of days. You need to clean them at least twice a day to keep them from getting infected or anything. After six weeks you can take them out and put a new pair in. You have to keep earrings in the holes for at least six months to insure they don't grow up. Nothing too heavy until after your six months, and they have to be some version of the stud earrings." The lady instructed Rangiku in the care of her new piercings and handed her the solution. Hitsugaya paid the tab and they walked out the door.

On the other side of the shop's door stood Yumichika, Ikkaku, Renji, Hisagi, Rukia, Shunsui, Nanao, and Ichigo. Nanao immediately rushed to Rangiku's side, hugging her tightly and complimenting her on her new purchase. Yumichika and Rukia complimented her on a job well done, and Rukia even agreed to pierce her ears on the condition Nanao would do it, too.

The rest of the crowd offered to buy her a drink in celebration.

Hitsugaya agreed to accompany them out for the evening, seeing as it was in celebration of Rangiku's birthday. Ikkaku, Renji, and Hisagi were locked in a fierce discussion over the event.

"Man, that had ta hurt. I wouldn't do it," Ikkaku intoned.

"Me neither," Hisagi agreed, "Give me an Arrancar any day."

"Man, I never thought I'd hear her scream like that," Renji mused, quite innocently.

Hitsugaya, not one to let his pride be damaged by the simple statement, felt it necessary to interject. "Then the sound barriers are working. I'd hate to disturb you over in the sixth division while you're trying to sleep. Alone." The caustic remark was accompanied by an evil smirk from the prodigy.

Renji flushed crimson, looking terrified of the young taicho. Ikkaku and Hisagi snickered heartily, telling him, "You asked for that, buddy."


	16. Late Pt 1

**Title:** Late – Part 1  
**Date:** 14 January, 2009  
**Words:** 763  
**Characters:** Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, mentions of Unohana, Ukitake and Kyoraku  
**Pairings:** Hitsugaya & Matsumoto  
**Summary:** Matsumoto is late…  
**Inspiration:** I actually have no idea why this idea popped into my head…  
**Rating:** PG-13/T – I've named off some, erm, things used for sex. 8-) Nothing too graphic, but, some people are kind of sensitive to that sort of thing.

* * *

Everything had gone smoothly of late. Well, at least as good as smooth got these days. The paperwork was always stacked three feet high when he came into the office of the mornings, Matsumoto still tried to skirt around doing her work every possible chance, and Ukitake still tried to stash candy in the office as some sort of twisted surprise for him.

Well, today apparently Ukitake and Kyoraku must have gone in together on the gift. When he arrived back from the taicho meeting, he found a basket – saran wrapped with a bow – on his desk. That in and of itself wasn't so terrible. Actually, it was one of the more elaborate gifts Ukitake enjoyed giving, a basket of candy. Except, upon closer inspection, he realized it wasn't candy at all. No, it was much worse.

Unless you count bubblegum, grape, lemon, cherry, and chocolate flavored condoms as candy. Oh, but it did get better. Though he could say, even if he'd never admit it aloud, that Matsumoto might enjoy it. He decided to open it, the perverted side of him taking over, and Hyourinmaru dying to know, and discovered a varied assortment of things.

There were six small bottles of lubricant, something that looked like a vibrator, a… thing looking to be made of rubber and shaped like… well, you get the idea. He didn't know why in god's name they'd decided to include _that_ particular 'gift' as he wouldn't be using it. And he refused to let Matsumoto use it, either. Aside from that most distracting gift was incense, an incense burner, three pairs of edible underwear, three small votive candles 'guaranteed to heighten sexual pleasure' and, finally, the candy.

Chocolate made specifically for licking off of your partner's body. Eh, Matsumoto would have a hay day with that. He still didn't care much for candy. Even if she was wearing only that and nothing else.

He stowed the basket of 'goodies' away in the closet, so that if anyone should decide to walk in, he wouldn't be embarrassed about it. Well, overly. Typically, unless they were Matsumoto, everyone seemed to keep their noses out of places like the closet.

He had no idea where his fukutaicho was. In the two years of their being together, she'd barely changed. He guessed that was good, all things considered. Even living together, she rarely made it to work on time, and she never did her paperwork, at least not all of it. But, he dealt with it the same as always. He assigned her more fieldwork, and she willingly made up for it at home ten times over anyway.

Still, he couldn't help wondering where she was. She told him yesterday that she had an appointment with Unohana for a routine checkup. When he inquired why she was going back in only three weeks, she explained in detail what kind of visit it was. For the 'female anatomy' part of her. But, she'd also said the appointment was scheduled for the morning. It was after noon now.

Hitsugaya set to work, trying to get through all of the paperwork he could before it was too late in the afternoon. They were supposed to go to lunch together, and who knew when she'd show, but, he wanted as much of the stupid stuff out of the way as possible. The earlier he finished, the earlier he could go home. And, the earlier he could experiment with some of those things, Hyourinmaru put in. To which Hitsugaya told the dragon, "And if I want to? Stop being such a damned pervert."

When Matsumoto finally traipsed in the door of their office around half past one, she had a strange look on her face. Almost as if she were equally worried and excited.

"Taicho-o-o," she sang, forcing him to look up at her.

"Yes, Matsumoto?" Hitsugaya cocked his head to the side, quirking an eyebrow and looking quizzically to her.

"I have something to tell you," she sang again, still with that unusual look on her face. Her voice seemed the same as always, though.

"What is it Matsumoto? And where have you been? It's not like you to try to stand me up for lunch," he half-smiled as he spoke.

"I've been with Unohana taicho and Isane-san, and Hanataro-kun, too. It just took a lot longer than expected," she replied.

"Oh, I suppose." He really didn't know what to say. It was quite possibly the first time her excuse had been legitimate.

"Taicho," Matsumoto bit her lower lip, looking outright worried now. Hitsugaya looked to her again, a questioning look in his eyes. "I'm late."


	17. Late Pt 2

**Title:** Late – Part 2  
**Date:** 14 January, 2009  
**Words:** 587  
**Characters:** Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, mentions of Ukitake Unohana, Isane, and Hanataro.  
**Pairings:** Hitsugaya & Matsumoto  
**Summary:** Hitsugaya finally realizes what Matsumoto means by "Late."  
**Inspiration:** I actually have no idea why this idea popped into my head…  
**Rating:** PG-13/T – Still some talk of sex, nothing graphic, but, just in case. 8-)

_**A/N: **Shamelss plug for another new story, called **Waking Up In Vegas**. Please read if you have time. Will be posting two chapters a day until finished. -M rated, for lemons- Features IchiNel, RukiHana, and of course, HitsuMatsu._

_Otherwise, let me know about the A/N at the bottom, so I can decide what to do next. 8-) Thanks for your help! And all the reviews! Please read, enjoy, and review!!  
-Rachel Noelle_

* * *

"Yes, you are. But I suppose it's okay. Not that you'd care anyway, but, since you've been with Unohana and all," he shrugged, wondering why she would say something so strange. She never brought up the fact that she was late.

"Well, that, too, Taicho. But, I mean, I'm _late_," she smiled nervously.

"We never decided on a time to go to lunch…" Hitsugaya simply could not pick up the meaning behind her words.

"No, no. We didn't do that. But there's something else we obviously didn't do. Probably six weeks ago. I'm _late_," she tried again, wondering if she was just going to have to tell him. Which, for some reason she was incredibly worried about doing.

He cast her words around in his mind for a while. If she didn't mean late, like to the office or for lunch, what did she mean? And six weeks ago? What had they done, or not done, as she put it. When the realization hit, it hit hard. Hitsugaya's eyes suddenly went big and round, his mouth threatening to hit the floor.

"You're late? As in, like… _late_, late?" he gasped, fearing he might faint.

"Yes, _late_, late." She finally responded. "It could just be a silly hormonal imbalance, is all, but, I thought you should know. I won't have the test results until the afternoon. They're pretty busy in the fourth today, what with the eleventh's joint training with the ninth."

"So, we have to wait until you get the results back, right? And then when they show that you're… Well, we can deal with this then, right?" he didn't really think he wanted the results to be positive, but he felt like if they were and he'd said otherwise she'd be afraid to tell him or something.

"Unohana said we should start thinking about what we'll do if it's positive. Just… just in case." She sank onto the sofa, looking tearful. He was afraid that was probably a positive sign of a 'yes' test result. Matsumoto wasn't usually that kind of emotional.

"Well, in that case, we won't be needing much of Ukitake's gift for a while…" he trailed off, trying to assure himself and her that there was some sort of silver lining in there somewhere.

"Toshiro, would you accept responsibility for it?" Matsumoto looked with sad eyes to Hitsugaya.

"If it's mine, yes. Which it better be," he looked pointedly to Matsumoto, who giggled.

"As if it would be anyone else's. Ikkaku and Renji have taken to beating up any guy that comes near me at the bars, and I've been home with you every night. I may skip out on paperwork, but I can assure you it isn't to go 'stepping out' on you. Do you really think I'm stupid? I don't want you to kill me," she laughed again, finally smiling.

After they returned from lunch, they sat waiting anxiously for the results from Hanataro. Both were so nervous that they nearly jumped through the roof when Hanataro knocked on the door.

They beckoned him in and he stood nervously in front of them, all three looking equally wary. "Erm, H-Hitsugaya taicho, Rangiku fukutaicho, I have you're, um, test results ready." He presented an envelope to Matsumoto, looking incredibly nervous. They weren't sure if it was due to the test result or being in such close proximity to Hitsugaya.

Matsumoto opened the envelope with shaking hands. She quickly scanned the list of results, finally reaching the end and smiling softly. "Well, Toshiro…"

oOoOo

_**A/N: **__Yes, no? You decide! Let me know, and I'll find a conclusion to this. It should be funny, right? 8-) I'm not sure which I want to go with yet. What do you all think?  
-Rachel Noelle_


	18. Late Pt 3

**Title:** Late – Part 3  
**Date:** 15 January, 2009  
**Words:** 596  
**Characters:** Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, Hanataro, mentions of Ukitake, Unohana, Kyoraku  
**Pairings:** Hitsugaya & Matsumoto  
**Summary:** Matsumoto and Hitsugaya get the test results back. Some gifts are given to Shuuhei and Renji.  
**Inspiration:** I actually have no idea why this idea popped into my head…  
**Rating:** PG-13/T – honestly, if you haven't realized by now that I include innuendoes and whatnot every chance I get (because it's usually funny) then you should commit this statement to memory 8-)

_**A/N:**__ No real reason to share, but now that it's been brought to my attention, I felt compared to share the cuteness. I was informed last night that I have had my own personal HitsuMatsu sort of scene. Not romantically, but friendly. Anyway, some of this refers back to "Emergency" (chapter 14). _

_Please read and review!  
-Rachel Noelle_

* * *

Matsumoto smiled a small, sad smile. "Well, Toshiro…"

"Well?" Hitsugaya prompted, wondering what was taking so long for the answer, and if he wanted to know.

"It's negative." Matsumoto looked sad, and Hitsugaya couldn't help feeling a little down himself. Since they had accepted the possibility of a child and all…

"That's right, Rangiku-san," Hanataro put in. He smiled softly.

The group of three sat in silence until Hanataro made a sudden realization. "Wait, what did you say Rangiku-san?" Hanataro fidgeted nervously, fearing the worst.

"It says that the test was negative. See?" she pushed the paper toward Hanataro's face. It was the wrong test.

"Oh… Oh, my. I am so sorry, Hitsugaya taicho, Rangiku-san. That- that's the wrong test. Erm, I'm so sorry, please forgive me," he squeaked, fishing around in his pack for another letter. He handed it over and bowed low, a silent plea to not meet his untimely death.

"Oh," Matsumoto giggled. "That was my pap test. Silly me!" Hitsugaya looked ready to faint. Matsumoto made short work of the next envelope, ensuring it was indeed the correct test.

Hitsugaya groaned loudly. "Matsumoto…" he whined uncharacteristically.

She looked as nervous as Hanataro when she managed to speak again, smiling a half-smile. "Well, Taicho… it's positive."

Hitsugaya's face mimicked his earlier expression of shock perfectly. He took several short, quick breaths, Hanataro readying a paper sack in the event of hyperventilation. Unohana was very much correct when she suggested he stick around for a few minutes. Hitsugaya regained the ability to breathe properly and managed to close his mouth.

"So, that means that… you're going to… and I'm… and we're going to…" he couldn't fully finish his sentences.

It may have been the last thing they planned for, but Matsumoto couldn't say she wasn't excited. Unable to contain herself, she latched onto Hitsugaya, forcing them flat on the sofa, him pinned beneath her. "Congratulations, Daddy!" she chirped. Hitsugaya smiled. Before the commotion could get too… intimate, Hanataro saw himself out of the office, warning a few passing shinigami that they shouldn't go in there just yet.

"Daddy…" Hitsugaya tried the foreign word on his tongue. "Rangiku, really? A father? Me?"

Matsumoto's bright smile shone brighter, "Yes, you're going to be a daddy." She hugged him, more like glomped, kissing him happily.

"Daddy… Daddy… I think I like it," Hitsugaya smiled brightly enough to rival Matsumoto. Hitsugaya's smile fell. "I wonder what the soutaicho is going to say?"

"If Ukitake complains, we'll just remind him that this wouldn't have happened if Omaeda hadn't sat on our butterfly. They're the fools who left us behind, remember?" she responded, defensive.

That evening, Hitsugaya and Matsumoto made full use of most of the gifts from Ukitake and Kyoraku. The gifts that no longer served a purpose (an two bottles of the lubricant) they donated to Hisagi and Renji, who blushed deeply and stuttered incoherently when Hitsugaya handed them the basket, telling them that Matsumoto didn't want them 'catching anything.'

oOoOo

Ukitake, Unohana, and Kyoraku sat in the new office of the soutaicho in the thirteenth division, discussing their experiment. Unohana declared that she only agreed to participate because of the offer of more funding for the fourth division. Ukitake and Kyoraku both agreed that it was all about wanting to know if the rumors were true. As it turned out, they were.

They discovered that he wasn't simply a prodigy when it came to his talents as a taicho. Matsumoto could not have been on the placebo pills for more than two weeks before she was pregnant.

* * *

_**A/N:**__ According to the enthusiasm from the reviews I've received for the last posting, this will probably end up being more than just the three-shot I planned. 8-) Rather, to simplify that, this will become part of the normal storyline, and I'll be sure to let you all know if a story isn't following this. What's strange is that I already have a full story focused on this topic in the works. I believe it was kingleby who said something on the "Earrings" chapter about hating to see her (Matsumoto screaming) in child birth, to which I responded that I actually was going to have to attempt that scenario. This wasn't the fic I was talking about. Lol. But, please enjoy, I had an overwhelming response of "Yes" from begging to simple statements. I am amazed. I was leaning to 'yes' myself, but I wondered if my readers would agree. And, boy, did you. 8-)_

_The next question will be: __**Is a wedding in the works?**__  
-Rachel Noelle_


	19. Rubik's

**Title:** Rubik's  
**Date:** 23 January, 2009  
**Words:** 468  
**Characters:** Matsumoto, Hitsugaya  
**Pairings:** Hitsugaya & Matsumoto  
**Summary:** Someone has no patience for puzzles, even when he thought he did.  
**Inspiration:** I have a Rubik's Cube, and well, it's frustrating. But I can't put the thing down without a lot of willpower on my part. I haven't thrown mine yet, though.  
**Rating:** K+ - WOW. I know. No innuendos, and minimal language. I'm shocked, too. o.O

_**A/N:**__ I had a request for a KomaHina fic, and I just can't work it out. Without it being gross or so far out there that it no longer resides in the universe. I'm sorry, but that's one fic that I probably won't ever finish. If you still definitely want to see it, you'll have to (please?) give me a little more to work with. *begs, desperate* 8-( _

_  
Please enjoy!  
-Rachel Noelle_

**oOoOo**

He really should have listened to Matsumoto. This thing was, quite frankly, a pain in the ass and he _couldn't_ put the stupid thing down. The concept was incredibly simple. Someone messes the thing up, mixing the colors around, then you try to get all the colors back in some kind of order, each of the six sides one color each. But, rather than being the simple puzzle to go with the simple concept, it was driving him insane trying to figure it out.

If he could discern the way all of the pieces moved, it might make for an easier time with it.

Hitsugaya was lying on the bed in his rooms, waiting for Matsumoto to finish with the shower, and working on the infuriating puzzle. He'd been working on it for three hours straight. Normally he would have had the damn thing finished, but this Rubik's Cube was not relenting.

He splayed out on the bed, exasperated and unhappy. He took a few deep breathes, trying to convince himself it would be okay to put it away for a bit.

Finally, he sat up again, taking to the puzzle once more. Another fifteen minutes later and he heard the water shut off, and the sounds of someone stepping from the shower. Just as he thought he'd made a breakthrough, he realized that he couldn't fix a second side without messing up the first.

In a fit of anger, he flung the small cube in a random direction. An instant later he heard a yelp and the slam of a door.

Matsumoto gradually eased the bathroom door open, sticking her head out. "What did I do?" she questioned, concern heavy on her features.

"Huh?" Hitsugaya looked dumbfounded. What was she talking about?

"Why did you throw that _thing_ at me?" she seemed almost frightened. "You almost hit me in my stomach."

"I didn't throw anything at you. What are you talking about?"

"When I opened the door that cube thing came flying at me. I barely got the door shut in time to stop it, I couldn't dodge," Matsumoto was trying to explain.

Hitsugaya caught on, realizing the extent of his minor tantrum. "Erm, sorry. I really didn't mean to do that. I was… just upset… and I just threw it in whatever direction. I'm sorry, Ran, really." He looked apologetic, and Matsumoto just rolled her eyes.

"I told you that you didn't want to mess with it."

That week, as the puzzle rapidly changed hands between the taichos and fukutaichos, the fourth division was sent out to make seventeen repairs to doors and windows, all the approximate size and shape of a Rubik's Cube. Renji was, reportedly, the only one to actually solve the thing. He just never told anyone that he simply took it apart.


	20. Little Black Book

**Title:** Little Black Book  
**Date:** 26 February, 2009  
**Words:** 769  
**Characters:** Hitsugaya, Matsumoto  
**Pairings:** Hitsugaya & Matsumoto  
**Summary:** Hitsugaya stumbles across something belonging to Rangiku that he never wanted to see.  
**Inspiration:** Something I woke up thinking about.  
**Rating:** It could pass for PG, I suppose. I know, shame on me. Such a low rating. Haha, j/k.

_**A/N:**__ I think I must have been dreaming this last night, because when I woke up this morning (okay, this afternoon, I'm a night owl by nature) this was on my mind. So, I had to write it out. _

_For anyone who doesn't know, a "Little Black Book" is commonly thought o as an address book with the names and numbers of people you use for potential "Booty Calls." Also, I'm certain a Japanese address book probably isn't arranged the same way, but, my native tongue is English, and this is the way you'd find something in the US. _

_Please enjoy, read and review!  
-Rachel Noelle _

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Toshiro was looking for a key in the drawer of Rangiku's nightstand. She was such a packrat sometimes it could be unreal. He dug through all of the things in the drawer, pushing aside cosmetic mirrors, a few different makeups, a couple of tealight candles, and various beauty supplies.

Just as he was reaching for the spare key to her rooms, he noticed a tiny black, leather bound notebook. Across the front cover, embossed in gold lettering, were the words "Little Black Book."

Toshiro felt his heart drop. After all of the time they'd been together she had kept such a thing. Upon closer inspection, it looked as though it was decently new. He sat on the futon, nearly missing the soft cushion in his haste to get off his feet. Did he dare to open it? What would he find inside? Whose names, numbers, addresses?

Rangiku claimed to love him, spent every night he could remember with him, but, maybe she really was skipping work to see someone on the side… But, she continually assured him of her love, and her faithfulness. Why now, of all times, did he have to find this? This thing, this abomination. He cautiously fingered the small ring in his pocket. Only moments ago, if someone would have asked, he'd have told them that he loved her and there was no doubt in his mind that she loved him just as much, if not more. He'd accepted her 'experience,' though he preferred not to think on it, and knew he loved her.

But now…

Toshiro laid flat on the bed, debating if he should look at it, just to see. At least if he knew, maybe it wouldn't be so bad when he… He certainly didn't want to end what they had, but, if she was seeing other men on the side, he really didn't want to be attached to that.

"Well, here goes nothing," Toshiro muttered to himself, angry, sad tears stinging his eyes. He opened the cover of the little notebook, turning to the first page. The "A's."

Rangiku had filled in every entry, only about a single sheet of paper with room for eight entries altogether for each letter. The very first entry read "Adorable" and below that was the number to the cell he used in the living world. The next entry was "Absolute" with the number to their office phone below it. Next came "Awesome" with the number to the phone in his rooms. He scanned all of the pages of the book, reading each entry and committing them all to heart.

He found Perfect, Precious, Lover, Beautiful, Cute, Mine, Not Yours, Best Friend, Wonderful, Gracious, Caring, Kind. All of the entries, except the X's and Z's were filled in. Each entry listing some number of his, or the address as "Tenth Division Office" and "Tenth Division Taicho Quarters." Toshiro wondered how long it had taken Rangiku to fill in everything.

Toshiro wiped the tears from his eyes. At least they were happy tears. He had to talk with Rangiku. With a quick shunpo, Toshiro was out of his bedroom and in the living room only an instant later.

Sitting in a chair was the form of Rangiku, painting her nails. She didn't notice him until he wrapped his arms around her from behind, engaging her in a deep kiss. While he had her attention he slipped the small ring out of his pocket and onto the appropriate finger.

She relished the moment, enjoying his unusual boldness. He pulled away from her, grasping her left hand and looking into her eyes as he whispered, "I love you, Rangiku. With all my heart."

There was the threat of tears in Toshiro's eyes, and Rangiku knew she would cry if he shed even half a tear. She looked at their hands entwined in her lap, only just noticing the ring. She drew a quick intake of breath, covering her mouth with her free hand. "Toshiro?" Rangiku looked to the young man wrapped around her, eyes asking for an explanation.

"Marry me?" Toshiro offered, uncertainty and fear of a negative answer evident on his face.

Rangiku burst into tears. "Oh, gods, Toshiro. Of course!" she exclaimed, showering him in kisses as the joyful tears continued streaking down her face. For several minutes neither relinquished their hold on the other.

Rangiku dried her eyes and smiled happily. When she released him, Toshiro watched her go about the last of her primping with love and pride in his eyes. He was all hers, and she was all his.

Every last bit of her.


	21. Promises

**Title:** Promises  
**Date:** 16 March, 2009  
**Words:** 361  
**Characters:** Rangiku, Toshiro, Sasakibe, mentions of Yamamoto, Hinamori, Yachiru, Ichigo, Rukia, Orihime, Ikkaku, Yumichika  
**Pairings:** Rangiku & Hitsugaya  
**Inspiration:** Because I needed a break from the ongoing mini-series (which has now been moved). And I intended this fic to be these sorts of updates anyway, lol.  
**Summary:** If you have questions, you better ask 'em fast.  
**Rating:** PG

_**A/N:**__ Nothing special here, really. I've kind of gone back to what this started as. This fic has been reformatted, and the 'missing' chapters moved to here: http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/4933244/1/Beautiful_Mess_

_I you want to copy the bit below about Yachiru into your profile, go ahead ;-). Just give me credit, and a link would be nice (link to this, please, though you can send them to my profile, whatever you like). Lol, j/k.  
__-Rachel _

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"Taicho?" Rangiku called for Toshiro's attention. He looked up from his paperwork, eying Rangiku cautiously.

"Yes, Matsumoto?" Toshiro ventured.

Rangiku looked at Toshiro with hopeful eyes. "Promise me something?"

Toshiro was unsure he heard his fukutaicho correctly. She wanted him to make a promise?

Deciding to be adventurous, he took the bait. "Promise what, Matsumoto?"

"Promise me that you'll marry Yachiru and not Hinamori or someone like Ichigo's younger sisters, if you don't want to marry me."

Toshiro's mouth hung open, in spite of himself. He was aiming to ask Rangiku for an elaboration, but she beat him to the punch. "At least she never tried to kill you, and you do know her… I mean, not that it's my business. Well, it is, but you probably don't think so. But, you know, you may as well pick someone who's cute, and who never tried to murder you, and shouldn't you know her pretty well first? Even Rukia is a better idea than the others."

Toshiro continued staring at Rangiku. He finally succeeded in putting some words together, in what he hoped was a coherent sentence. "Matsumoto, what the hell are you talking about? Why would I want to marry any of _them_? I don't even want to think of _them_ like that."

Rangiku perked up immediately. "Really?"

Toshiro nodded slowly, as though she were mentally unstable.

Rangiku smiled mischievously as she responded. "That's what I thought."

Toshiro barely had time to process the chain of events before he was being drug from his office behind Rangiku, trying helplessly to struggle from her firm grasp. "Matsumoto, what are you doing? Where are you taking me?"

Rangiku successfully ignored his complaints and questions until they reached the soutaicho's office. She knocked smartly on the door, and was greeted by Sasakibe quickly. He led the duo to Yamamoto's office. The small crowd of gathered taichos and fukutaichos worried Toshiro. Had he missed the butterfly for an emergency meeting? But why would Yumichika, Ikkaku, Orihime, Ichigo and Rukia be there?

When he finally had the chance to ask, he was already 'joined in holy matrimony' to Rangiku, and had figured it out for himself.


	22. Johnny Depp

**Title:** Johnny Depp  
**Date:** 19 March, 2009  
**Words:** 801  
**Characters:** Toshiro, Rangiku, Ichigo, Rukia, Orihime, Ikkaku, Yumi, Renji  
**Pairings:** Rangiku & Toshiro, you can discern the others as you see fit. 8-)  
**Inspiration:** My own love for my dearest Johnny, who is one of three men better-looking than Toshiro (the others being Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora). *Grabs her own hankie*  
**Summary:** The ladies watch a film, and the guys join them. With some very typical anime-style results.  
**Rating:** T (for a couple words and some implications)

_**A/N:**__ For anyone who is not aware, this fanfic is here simply for my amusement, and to be updated at my whim. Unless otherwise stated, it should be assumed that these chapters do not have a particular order, though they do follow something of a general timeline. But, you can read them in any order you wish. Also, since this has been reformatted, it should no longer be assumed that Rangiku is pregnant. That bit is now a story unto itself. It's called "Beautiful Mess." I hope you'll find the time to read it!_

_So, I think I'm in love with Renji/Shuuhei. Oh, dear God, shoot me now. Actually, don't. That might hurt. So, would you guys support my throwing in some ShuuRen and some IsaneYumi? Or should I keep it IsaneRenji? Whatever you decide I'll work into the Beautiful Mess story, as well. Currently it has some touches of ShuuRen, but it's only in the comic-relief sense, but, are there any objections? (No M-rated scenes for them, sorry!)_

_I've decided to continue "If Walls Could Talk" and "Heartbreaker." Any ideas are highly appreciated. "Heartbreaker" will be re-categorized, as it will be an IchiRuki fic. _

_Regardless, please enjoy! And if you desire to review (which I hope you do) you can always use the _anonymous_ reviewing. It is still enabled. __**8-)**__  
-Rachel Noelle_

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Rangiku, Rukia, and Orihime sat on the sofa in Orihime's living room. Each girl held a handkerchief in their hands and stared at the screen. They gasped, sighed, and drooled in all the right places. Some foreign film they'd never heard of, but each girl thought it to be wonderful. And the incredibly good-looking man on the screen only helped that thought process along.

Not quite a quarter into the movie, Renji, Ichigo, Ishida, Yumichika, Ikkaku, and Hitsugaya walked into Orihime's living room. Each of the guys stared at the screen for a few minutes, also enjoying the movie.

"This isn't too bad, Orihime," Yumichika began, "The costumes are exceptionally beautiful, and this is just the most touching story line!"

"It is, isn't it?" agreed Orihime.

"Only a member of the eleventh, or Orihime, would find it touching," Ishida commented dryly.

"What movie is this?" Ichigo asked.

"Sweeney Todd: the Demon Barber of Fleet Street," Rukia responded. No one removed their eyes from the screen for any duration of time. The boys all found seats around the living room, Rangiku forcing Hitsugaya into an, amazingly, comfortable position draped across the three girls on the sofa.

"Rangiku, remove your hands from my person this instant," Hitsugaya grumbled, true to form. Rangiku squeezed him harder and he finally sighed, resigning himself to his loss. He supposed it wasn't such a terrible loss, anyway.

"Even with all the songs and crap, this is a pretty good show," commented Ikkaku a few moments later.

"You're one to complain. You have a stupid fuckin' song you sing and a dance to go with it, Mr. Luck, Luck!" Renji grumbled.

"At least my song isn't sappy and dumb like these," defended Ikkaku.

"Actually, Ikkaku," Ichigo started.

Hitsugaya finished his sentence, "Abarai is correct. That song is stupid." Yumichika nodded his head in agreement, looking apologetic.

"But, Hitsugaya taicho!" Ikkaku whined.

"You boys shut up or we'll throw every one of you outside!" Rangiku scolded, causing each of them to clam up instantly.

Some time passed before anyone said anything else. The only sounds heard were the girls' noises of "ooh's" and "ah's."

Hitsugaya, still laying on the sofa with the girls (hey, he was short, no one said he couldn't take advantage of that, and having Rangiku's breasts pressed against you like that, well…). He reached to scratch an itch on his head and turned his head and upper body in the process. This motion caused him to face Rangiku, looking up. She had her handkerchief pressed against her face, close to her nose, and he wondered why. Looking down absently, still scratching that spot, he noticed Rukia and Orihime doing the same thing. Were they crying?

He mentally shrugged and turned to focus on the movie again. He felt Rangiku begin to run her fingers through his hair, but thought it felt nice and didn't bother complaining.

A little over halfway through the movie, the unanimous consent was for a bathroom and snack break. Once they shoved Hitsugaya into the floor, landing with a thud, a glare that could freeze fire, and a muttered curse, Orihime took the handkerchiefs from the other two girls and tossed them in the wash. She retrieved more for the girls and also offered them to any boy that wanted one. They all refused.

"I ain't no crying pussy!" Ikkaku proclaimed. Orihime shrugged in a noncommittal way and put the hankies away.

He continued to carry on until Hitsugaya threatened to take one of the hankies and shove it down Ikkaku's throat if he didn't shut up. The small group gathered drinks and snacks and returned to the living room, everyone resuming the same seating. Again, Hitsugaya really saw no reason to complain.

During a very provoking scene, Hitsugaya again made to scratch his head. He reached back and noticed something warm to the touch, and detected the faint sent of something metallic in the air. Withdrawing his hand to examine the substance, he noticed it looked like… blood?

Trying not to panic, he sat up, looking worriedly at Rangiku and causing a disturbance in the room. "Are you okay, Rangiku?" he asked.

She looked at him curiously, Orihime and Rukia following suit. "Hai, Taicho. I'm fine. Is something wrong?" she dabbed at her nose with the hankie in her hand, revealing the source of blood. Seeing the other two girls doing the same, Hitsugaya, as well as the other males in the room, shook his head, his face showing a look of humored disbelief.

"This is the last time I watch anything like this with you, Rangiku. No more Johnny Depp, ever."

Giving Hitsugaya a mischievous look, Rangiku replied, "Hmm, pity. It certainly wasn't _Johnny Depp_ I was thinking about, Taicho."

Ichigo smirked as he watched Hitsugaya's face turn scarlet.


	23. Bright Side

**Title:** The Bright Side of Arguing with Your Zanpakuto in Public  
**Date:** 25 March, 2009  
**Words:** 4497 (Long. But you guys like long, right?)  
**Characters:** Hitsugaya, Matsumoto, implied Gin  
**Pairings:** Toshiro & Rangiku, implied past Gin & Ran  
**Inspiration:** Something I started forever ago, and just happened to stumble across on my computer. So, I apologize for any serious OOC-ness.  
**Summary:** Rangiku has been acting unusual in regards to her birthday, and the young taicho is determined to find out why. Contrary to his belief, it has nothing to do with Gin.  
**Rating:** PG/K+ There's one word in here that could actually merit a 'T' rating. But, only one.

_**A/N:**__ This is something that I uncovered in my computer's archive of unfinished Bleach stories (and there are a lot). This was started several months ago, so I apologize if there is any serious OOC-ness. I tried to clean it up as much as possible, but it still feels a little… well, not as good as it could be. 8-)_

_However, please read, enjoy, and review! And, yes, it's long, considering the usual drable-esque nature of this fic. :-)  
-Rachel Noelle_

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Normally, he gave her the day off, so she could celebrate by drinking sake with her friends. Or, in their first years together, she'd traipse out of the office the night before to spend the next twenty-four plus hours with _him_. For some reason he was, at the time, too young to understand, he was quite happy when she announced she'd no longer be spending that time with _him_. He was happier to know that she'd drink all day and into the night with her buddies then return to her own rooms, quite alone, after the celebrations had ceased.

And now, he didn't even want her out with anyone. In fact, he was quite unhappy with the thought that she would be out with anyone at all. Especially since he wouldn't be in the picture. He supposed he could be, but she never invited him to come along on her birthday celebrations. Granted, he rarely drank, and very little, if at all. But, she never hesitated to invite him out on other nights. And she deserved something better than the day off, anyway. The gifts she gave to him were always thoughtful, and looked pricey.

But the thing that bothered him the most was the fact that she'd not mentioned anything at all about her birthday this year. Normally, he knew three months ahead of time what she wanted, besides the day off, and usually the rest of Seireitei knew it as well. Even last year, with the war and the betrayal, she celebrated as lavishly as she usually did. So why was this year different? Did _he_ finally just catch up to her? He intended to find out, regardless of the shock value. Just because everyone wanted to think his heart was black, didn't mean it really was.

Even _he_ had had enough of a heart to apologize to her before _he_ left.

oOoOo--RN--oOoOo

There I sat, in my office, doing my rapidly multiplying stack of paperwork, per the norm in my office, when she finally waltzed through the door. Late as usual. "Matsumoto," I spoke, my voice a bit softer than typical, though lately that had become typical, what with her unusual mood. "Matsumoto, where have you been? Sleeping off a hangover again, I presume?" I scowled. That was my bad habit and I simply couldn't break it.

She looked up at me as she crossed the threshold, plastering that innocently-guilty look on her face, scratching her head absently as she walked. "Um, of course not, Taicho!" she chirped. Happy as usual. Right before she squeezed my face into her 'valley of death.' I mumbled my demand for her to release me before she did, my face burning red for more than one reason. I know she knew.

If only _I_ knew for sure. Although, I had a damned good idea why. Like any healthy, hot-blooded male, alive or dead. Maybe I did know, after all. Fuck, I was in denial. Rock and a hard place. Hormonal teen versus unorthodox office relationships.

Since when did I ever care if things were unorthodox? I wasn't the youngest captain in the Gotei 13 from following orthodox traditions. "Here," I handed her a sheath of papers, "Take these to your desk. We need them done by 5:00. Today."

Looking dejected, Matsumoto took the papers from me and trudged to her own desk. "Aw, Taicho, you're so mean. You really should get out more, loosen up some. And stop scowling, you don't want wrinkles!" she laughed. I relaxed my face, considering her words for once.

"Get to work," I grumbled, still not relenting my grumpiness. Finally, some quiet fell over the office, Matsumoto humming a song to chase away the stillness.

After a couple of hours, amazingly, she brought the finished forms to me. I glanced at her skeptically, quickly returning to my own work. "Here, take some more. These all need to be finished by five." She grudgingly took the paperwork and set them on her desk.

"I'm parched. I'm going to fix us some tea, Taicho. I'm sure you could use some, as well. Right?" she asked. I noticed a note of concern in her voice. I wrinkled my brows in confusion, still focused on my work. Something really seemed out of place. I nodded in response to her question, looking up as she walked swiftly into the kitchenette.

There was a light clanging of the kettle settling on the stove, and minutes later she returned with two steaming mugs of tea - two cubes of sugar set precisely on the saucers each cup rested on. She sat one down on my desk, standing beside it herself, sipping her own. I added the sugar before sipping at mine. She always knew when sugar would be appreciated, and when it wouldn't. I sighed, happily I might add, enjoying the feeling of the warm, lightly sweetened tea.

"You know, Taicho," she began, seating herself on my desk. I quirked one eyebrow at her, never able to be sure what she was up to. Most often it wasn't good. At least not for me. "After we get these reports finished, I have something I want to show you. Will you come with me?" she leant forward, emphasizing her bust with the movement, to grab the bottom hem of her hakama. I received a very good view of her leg as she pulled the hem up with her hand, fingering some small imperfection or tear in the material.

I caught myself marveling, and relocated my focus, hoping she'd not noticed. She did. She smirked at me flirtatiously, giggling lightly to accompany it. "Like what you see, hmm, Taicho?" she asked, watching me blush hotly and face the opposite direction. This only encouraged her to lean closer to me, her lips brushing the lobe of my ear as she whispered suggestively, "You know, if you come with me tonight, I can show you more."

I instinctively jerked my head around in an attempt to face her, accidentally forcing her lips to meet my flaming cheek. Which now heated more, if that were possible. "Matsumoto," I ground out between my teeth, "if I agree to go, will you get your work finished? Now?" she nodded happily, releasing the material from her hands, covering her leg again. "Fine. I'll go. Now get to work, we only have another hour."

An hour and a few minutes later I found myself as good as being dragged behind my fukutaicho, to some unknown location. I felt apprehensive, thinking I would not fare well from the evening, no matter what her intentions may be. We wandered through the streets of Seireitei, through the gates into Rukongai. Finally she released the grip on my arm, allowing me to walk behind her. I suppose she saw that I really would follow her.

After a trip through some paths in the woods, what seemed like days later, I found myself at the top of a hill. I looked around, seeing no significance in the setting, glancing to Matsumoto to see if she would indicate the purpose. She trained her gaze out from the top of the hill, over Rukongai. I cleared my throat to gain her attention. She started before looking to me.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" she asked.

"It is lovely, but why did you drag me through the mud and brush to get to here, of all places?" I returned cynically. Quite from habit. The view really was lovely, made all the more so by the way the sun reflected from her hair and skin.

"I just wanted to show you the view," she stated honestly. Then she turned things around, teasing me, "Unless, of course, you'd rather see more of the view you had earlier?" I growled in disapproval. Of course I would. What straight male with active hormones wouldn't? But, would be frowned upon? Though no one had ever specifically stated that a taicho could not have a relationship with his fukutaicho, I feared we would likely risk loosing our positions. But then, one had to wonder about that. Shiba Kaien, a fukutaicho, married the third seat of his squad… I always wondered if taichos would be different, though.

Though, that was never discussed in my training for taicho.

"Matsumoto," I stated quietly, and seriously, "please, don't tease me." She looked at me, surprised and shocked. I felt shocked myself, not sure I really did say what I thought.

"Gomen, Taicho. I really am sorry," Matsumoto apologized, looking sincere. I looked at her for a few moments, for some reason unhappy with her response. At least if she put on airs like always, I suppose I had some hope or denial to hide my emotions in. "I suppose it does bother her, doesn't it. It always bothered me a bit, too." She smiled, I think she was faking the happiness behind it. That actually made me happier.

"'Her' who? Do you mean Hinamori?" I asked, puzzled which _her_ she could mean. She nodded as if I were stupid for not already knowing that. I chuckled darkly. "Everyone thinks Hinamori. I'll never understand why. Even if I did feel for her that way, she's still so wrapped up in her allusions of Aizen that I couldn't be with her without having to live up to unreal standards set by a traitor," I laughed full out this time, rue still tingeing the tone.

"Oh, well, then." That was all she had to say. For a long moment I waited, expecting a response. None came, so I took the initiative and changed the topic.

"So, you really only wanted me to see the view?"

She nodded lightly, contemplating. "Yes, I think so. I even brought food!" she chipped, perking up to her normal happy state. She produced a small basket I had not noticed before from somewhere, and a blanket. I shook my head softly in amusement. She saw my reaction, and chastised me, "You don't ever eat properly anymore, Taicho. Someone has to take care of you, and if _you_ won't that responsibility falls to me. It's a fukutaicho's job, right?" she smiled brightly.

I was taken aback. I knew her loyalty, and no doubt she'd taken care of me for some time, all things considered. But did she really think that was part of her job? There was no way I could act on my feelings for her now, for certain. Not if she could consider that a part of her position as well. She was smart enough to know that wasn't the case, correct?

"I'll eat when I want, dammit, Matsumoto. It is not your job to 'take care of me' like that," I scowled, genuinely and not from habit. She mumbled her assent as she squished my head into her chest for the second time in not so many hours. Still unhappy, I didn't even allow her the satisfaction of watching me try to wriggle from her grip.

"Come on, Taicho, let's eat," she told me as she released me to spread the blanket on the ground. I huffed and sat opposite her, still feeling foul. No, I hadn't fared well. Even with the setting as innocent as this. Typical. "Here you go," she handed me a rice ball and other foodstuffs, "Eat up, I promise it's good and sake-free."

As we ate in pleasant silence, I released my brooding, much to Hyourinmaru's delight. After eating, we sat together, talking of insignificant things, such as the ridiculous forms that often crossed our desks.

As the moon and stars began appearing in the sky, I gathered the resolve I had left from the day, and asked her a question I found on my mind often the last few days. "Matsumoto, what are you requesting for your birthday? I'm sure you'll want the day off, but you've not asked for it yet. It will be a Monday, after all, won't it?"

Again she looked genuinely surprised. Then, suddenly, her face took on a disheartened look. She sighed before answering me, "I… suppose so. It has become tradition, hasn't it?" She sighed again, returning her attention to the skyline and the stars.

"Liar." I stated softly but firmly, just loud enough for her to hear. "You're a terrible liar." She looked scorned when she turned back to face me. "Matsumoto, I know something is wrong. You've been moping around for the last few weeks, and you haven't even spoken of a party to celebrate."

Her scorn turned to pissed as she huffed and faced opposite me, swinging her hair about her shoulders while she turned. She rested her chin in one hand, propping it up with her elbow on her leg. She closed her eyes, reigning her emotions into check. After several long, uncomfortable moments, she finally spoke, her voice trembling a bit. "What I want most, I don't think I can have. I'm afraid people will say… things."

"Matsumoto, you and I both know people talk, about us both. Have you heard some of the rumors lately?"

She smiled halfheartedly. "I know people talk. They always have, and I can take what they say about me now. But, if I give them a reason to talk, to really hurt me, they will. Without a moment's hesitation, Taicho. And the things they would say… I'm not sure I can take that with a smile… Besides, Yama-jii probably wouldn't be very happy about it. Even if Ukitake-san is acting as the soutaichou and there are no rules against it," she laughed sarcastically. "Though he and Kyoraku-san and Nanao-chan would be quite happy for me…" she finally trailed off, her eyes glazing over like she was lost in thought.

I sighed in defeat. I could not think of anything to say, anything at all, for the longest moment. Finally, an inspirational bolt of lightning, figuratively speaking, of course, struck me. "Didn't you tell me once, right after I was assigned as your taicho, that if I wanted something, really, seriously wanted it, I just had to go out and take it? Even with all the shit that goes around about me, and some of it hurts to hear, I keep taking everything I want. You should have been around when a couple of new recruits stood in the courtyard last week, talking. It took all I had not to freeze them then and there," I stopped there, giving her a chance to think about my words. If she would…

"What did they say?" she asked, smiling wryly as though she knew and only wanted confirmation.

"Are you sure you want to know?" I asked, smiling sardonically myself. She paused for a moment before nodding yes. I chuckled humorlessly as I began, "They were standing outside the office window, in the division courtyard. Two of the recruits that just graduated from the school, apparently. One of them mentioned not wanting assigned to this squad, but since the other did, he would stay. Didn't want to be ordered around by some kid running around with a taicho's haori and a zanpakuto," I paused for breath and Matsumoto giggled lightly, "It gets better. Trust me. The other one, I think female, said she quite liked the kid leading the squad. Said she was jealous, though. According to her, I have a whore for a second who's probably only still here because she deflowered me and pretends to love me. 'Any stupid little boy would fall for a trick like that,' she said. Apparently the guy agreed with her." I paused for a quick breath, almost laughing at Matsumoto's frown.

"And, it seems you've been sleeping with people on the side, when you get tired of me, you seek out more 'adult' men." The thought disgusted me, that people could simply stand around, saying things like that.

Matsumoto threw her head back and laughed ruthlessly. "Oh, how they are going to get it. I'm filing transfer papers tomorrow for them. I know exactly who they were. Why don't we ask Kurotsuchi taicho if he'd like some new test subjects…?" she laughed a little more. "I am glad to know people think that. Wonder when I'll start hearing the whispers in the bars now. I can already imagine them. Anytime I walk into my favorite hole-in-the-wall with Shuuhei, Izuru, Renji, or Kyoraku-san, some jealous hag or unhappy sod always leans to another to share a secret. Now I guess they'll be saying I really did sleep my way up. Or maybe they'll just think I'm a pedophile or a cradle robber…"

We sat in companionable silence for a bit, both leaning against the same tree. Suddenly she dropped her head to my shoulder. I felt, rather than saw, her smile contentedly. "Taicho, can I tell you something?" she asked, sounding much her normal self.

"Of course, Matsumoto," I agreed. "It's an open door policy, remember?"

"Right. I do want you to know what I want for my birthday," she hesitated, turning to look me in the eyes. "But… I'm not sure anyone can give it to me."

I was stunned. She never before cared if what she requested was logical or feasible, she simply announced her wants and expected it to happen. Why was this time so different?

'_Because, Master, it's you she wants.'_ I felt my eyes grow large and round at the dragon's words. My face instantly settled into a scowl, and I scoffed lightly.

"Yeah, right. If only," I spoke aloud, not realizing Matsumoto was watching the entire exchange with confusion clear on her face.

"If only what, Taicho?" Matsumoto spoke, still giving me that quizzical look.

I shook my head, dismissing her question. "Nothing, Matsumoto," I murmured harshly. She immediately looked hurt and saddened as she leant away from me.

Suddenly a thought struck me. If she wanted something for her birthday that no one could give her it must have been Ichimaru she was thinking about. Though his demise had been over a year ago, I guessed that she would still love him, and of course wish she could have him back.

"I'm sorry, Matsumoto, but I don't think anyone can bring Ichimaru back…" as much as it hurt to confirm my fears aloud, I owed it to her. If she needed comfort, it was my job as her superior to offer it. "Though, if I could, I would certainly try."

'_Idiot. I told you, Toshiro, it's not Ichimaru she wants. It's you.'_ I continued ignoring the dragon. Sure, he had who knew how many centuries on me, but why would Matsumoto Rangiku want anything to do with some _kid_ like me?

'_Because she sees past your child-like appearance,'_ Hyourinmaru tried again. I scowled, wondering what the dragon was trying to imply with that statement.

"I swear I'm trading you in," I muttered quietly. Matsumoto must have picked up on a few words, as she looked hurt.

"I… I'm sorry, Taicho. I… I'll just pick things up and be on my way." She stood quietly as I tried vainly to process what she had even said. By the time I figured it out Hyourinmaru was repeatedly banging his head against the ground and Matsumoto was beginning to walk away.

"Matsumoto, wait," I called. She paused momentarily, her back still turned to me. "I didn't mean that. Hyourinmaru said… some things, and, well, I meant that for him."

_Good grief. Did that even make sense?_ Hyourinmaru laughed uproariously, having fun with the situation.

"Oh… well, I should probably… go anyway…" Matsumoto sniffled. I knew I'd dug myself a hole and I wasn't sure how long before I could get out of it. I sighed heavily, quickly weighing my options.

"Matsumoto…" I paused, unsure of what to say next.

'_Just tell her you're in love with her. I promise she'll understand. Go on… Go on, boy,'_ Hyourinmaru teased me, then chortled at my scowl.

"Yes, Taicho?" Matsumoto returned, I could tell she was no longer fighting back tears, but she was still unhappy.

"You… never told me… what you wanted," finally I came up with something. The words I longed to say I simply could not force from my lips.

I heard the rueful smile creep onto her face. "It's okay, Taicho, don't worry about it. It wasn't important."

The dragon hit his head hard enough on the icy ground of my inner world to give me a headache and to crack the ice he sat on. "Dammit, Hyourinmaru, stop!" I yelled, frustrated.

'_No.' _

"Yes," I commanded.

'_Then tell her. I can't do it for you or I would.' _

"No, I can't do that."

'_Why not?'_ the dragon queried.

"Because," I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest.

'_Because why?'_

"I don't have to explain it to you. Besides, you should know already."

'_Obviously I am unaware of the circumstances. Do tell,'_ Hyourinmaru mocked.

"I am not telling you."

'_Alright, fine. But when Haineko hears that you wouldn't confess to her wielder, just wait and see what man you'll be dating.' _

"What the hell?" my eyes grew wide, and I noticed, from the corner of my eye and mind, Matsumoto turning to watch the exchange. Well, maybe that was a good sign. "Why would I be dating a man? That's worse than her saying I'm dating Hinamori. She can't do that!"

'_Actually, she can. And she will. So, may as well let it be someone you like. Maybe Shuuhei? He's hot. At least that's what most of the girls say.' _Hyourinmaru gave some semblance of a shrug.

"Thanks for that confidence boost. Just what I needed, to be compared to the 'hot' Hisagi Shuuhei fukutaicho. Really, Hyourinmaru, as if my chances with _her_ aren't bad enough." I huffed again, plopping myself on the ground with some force.

'_Just who is this _her_?' _

"You know who I mean, dragon."

'_No. No, I'm afraid I don't. Please do enlighten me.'_

"Why do you insist I tell you? Do you not know already? Jeeze, because of you she walked away anyway," I grumbled, scowling again and mumbling incoherently. I let out a low hiss, thinking of the different ways to punish the dragon.

'_Just say it then. You're in love with your fukutaicho.'_

"Why do you care if I'm in love with Matsumoto? What does it mean to you?" I asked, trying to decipher the ulterior motive the dragon was so desperate to keep hidden.

'_At the moment, not much, really. But, why don't you ask her what she thinks?'_

Before I could respond to the dragon's incessant annoyances, Matsumoto flung herself on me, her arms latching tight to my neck and causing us to fall flat on the ground.

"Really, Taicho? Do you mean it?" she smiled hopefully to me, as I blushed seven shades of red.

'_It's too late to take it back. And besides, if you've got her in your arms, why not make something good of it?' _

I finally took Hyourinmaru's advice. We lay like we landed for some time, staring at one another. Slowly she lowered her head, glancing frequently, I guessed, at my lips, much as I was doing to her. I watched her eyes flutter closed as she closed the ever decreasing gap between us. It took a moment for the act to register when I finally realized her soft lips were pressed against mine.

I responded to her lead, feeling beyond the comprehendible amount of shy and embarrassed. I'd never kissed anyone like this before, this mouth to mouth kissing. Sure, I'd kissed Granny, and long before she started at the academy Hinamori, but only ever on the cheek. That family kiss thing.

But this… this was amazing. Wondrous. Astounding. Marvelous. Portentous. Stupendous. Sublime. I quickly exhausted all of the words I could think of, Hyourinmaru cheering in the background of my mind.

And then, I felt her tongue across my lips, warm and wet, asking me to accept it. I obliged, parting my lips slowly and trying to catch my mental self up to my physical self. Somewhere in the middle of things my hands found her hips and settled there, the height difference between us not really noticeable.

And when she ran her fingers into my hair, the flesh at the roots already tingling, I thought I might lose consciousness. As if the thrill of finally kissing her wasn't enough. I wondered if Unohana had ever had anyone die from joy.

Matsumoto repositioned herself, so that she was sitting with knees on either side of my abdomen, as she pulled away from me. I couldn't help but frown at the loss of contact and she giggled softly. My frown turned into a light scowl, as I tried to force myself to simply 'get over it.' Obviously I was the one without the experience.

This, when I considered it, seemed to fit my life perfectly.

Growing impatient, I tried to force the contact I so desired by placing a hand firmly behind her head and gently forcing her down. She took the hint and easily, and what I guessed was happily, complied.

I had never felt any emotion or desire so strongly. And I simply couldn't get enough of her. This was, quite simply, the best thing ever.

When she finally seemed exhausted and I'd sated some of my desire she sat atop me, still looking into my eyes. I finally managed to make cohesion from all of the confusion and recalled that she still had not told me what she wanted for her birthday.

"You still didn't answer my question," I reminded her. Matsumoto looked strangely to me, as though I'd gone insane.

"What question, Taicho?"

"What do you want this year, Matsumoto?" I asked, prodding for answers from the suddenly incredibly happier woman. Though, from the change in her demeanor I probably should have guessed.

"Erm, well…" Matsumoto hesitated, scratching her head nervously. I quirked a brow, finding the action unusual for _my_ fukutaicho. "A date… would be nice."

I laughed softly, soon joined by her in the humourous moment. I figured that as long as I was the reason she was so happy, that's all I cared about. Screw orthodox, if there was some rule out there against a relationship between us it was stupid. But just to be on the safe side, I had to ask. "Matsumoto, would you go with me, if we had to run away?"

Her look was strange. Some mixture of disbelief, wonderment, and anger. "I like to think so, yes. But why?"

How did I tell her that I was afraid they might force a transfer or demote one or both of us? Apparently she understood anyway.

"I don't think anyone will care, Taicho. As long as you're not letting me off the hook any more than usual." She grinned and I decided that if she wasn't right we'd just leave Seireitei.

"Well, that's going to be hard to beat. It isn't like you do any _real_ work anyway."


	24. How Gin Took Over

**Title:** How  
**Date:** 26 February, 2009  
**Words:** 612  
**Characters:** Gin, Aizen ( I KNOW. No Hitsu or Ran! Gasp!!)  
**Pairings:** Nothing, really.  
**Summary:** The real story of how Gin became Aizen's second in command, and later his second in the plot to take over the world. Set after Gin's Academy graduation, and before he is promoted to the Fifth's fukutaicho position.  
**Inspiration: **A joke my mother had in her email, that she showed me and I forced her to forward on, for this purpose. 8-)  
**Rating:** PG, or K+

_A/N: Just something based off of an email joke my mom had. It sounded sooooo much like Gin, that I just couldn't resist. 8-) Please enjoy!!_

_-Rachel Noelle_

* * *

The _REAL_ story of how Gin became Aizen's second-in-command for his attempt to take over the world…

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Gin, still just a young shinigami fresh from the academy, approached his new taicho, Aizen, one day. Aizen looked up from his desk as Gin walked into his office. Aizen knew the boy was smart, a genius, indeed, graduating from the academy in only a year. But, he wanted to see if the boy could be cunning and creative, as well as intelligent.

Though, in retrospect, he guessed he should have figured that out from Gin's body language.

"Ah, Ichimaru-kun, how are you today?" Aizen politely asked as Gin made his way through the door.

"Ah'm good, sir. Ah come ta ask ya feh a promoti'n, Aizen taicho," Gin replied. Aizen had to admit he admired the boy. He wasted little time getting to the point when he wanted something.

"Is that so?" Gin nodded to Aizen's question. "Very well, then. I've a test to give you, and if you pass you can have the promotion you seek." Aizen smiled kindly to the young man, and beckoned for him to take a seat at his fukutaicho's desk.

"Alright, Gin-kun, here is your first question," Aizen spoke. He made certain that Gin was equipped with a brush and parchment as he began speaking. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

"Wit'out numbeh's?" Gin responded. "Tha's easy." And Gin proceeded to draw three trees.

Aizen looked at the parchment, torn between disgust and fascination. He had to find out more about the way this boy's mind worked. "What's this?" Aizen asked, pointing to the picture.

"'Ave yeh got no brain? Treh and treh and treh make nine," said Gin.

Aizen marveled politely at the wonder. "Fair enough," he conceded. "Now, here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

Gin stared into space for a while, causing Aizen to wonder what the boy was plotting, then picked up the brush and picture that he had just drawn, making a smudge on each tree. "Her' ya go, Aizen taicho." Gin grinned his usual grin as Aizen stared at the drawing, wondering what explanation Gin would give this time.

Aizen scratched his head and asked, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

"Each o' da trehs is di'ty now. So, it's di'ty treh, and dir'y treh, and dir'y treh. Tha's 99." Gin grinned again. He knew that whatever the reason behind this 'test' was, he was passing with flying colours.

Aizen was fascinated. But, he still had one more question before he would relinquish the power he held. "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

Gin stared into space some more, then he picked up the picture again and made a little mark at the base of each tree. Gin pointed to the drawings and said, "Her' ya go, one hun'r'd."

Aizen stared in disbelief at Gin's drawings. He felt disappointed. He'd had so much hope for the potential of the boy… "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

Gin leaned forward and pointed to the marks at the base of each tree, saying, "A li'l dog come along an' poop by each treh. So now ya got di'ty treh and a turd, di'ty treh and a turd, and di'ty treh and a turd, whi' make one hun'r'd."

Aizen was fully impressed, and immediately granted Gin the promotion to fukutaicho.

Before Gin left the office, Aizen called him back. "You know, Gin, I've been working on a plan to take over the King's position, and I was wondering…"


	25. Two Wrongs

**Title:** Two Wrongs  
**Date:** 18 April, 2009  
**Words:** 1228  
**Characters:** Rangiku, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Renji, Shuuhei, Sasakibe, Zaraki, Yamamoto, Unohana, Hitsugaya  
**Pairings:** Hitsugaya & Rangiku  
**Inspiration:** I found a fun quote, and absolutely had to come up with something.  
**Summary:** Two Wrongs don't make a right, they make a Left. And two Rights make a U-turn. And since U-turns are illegal in most places, two Rights actually make a Wrong.  
**Rating:** T, with some hints of risqué business, as usual.

_**A/N:**__ This is pure and utter crack. Like, seriously. And, only certain chapters of this fic actually go together. In fact, you will probably see several 'Wedding' fics, as well as 'First Date', 'First Kiss', and 'Feelings' fics, among anything else I can churn out. _

_For those of you waiting, I am working on my other stories. I'm just a bit behind. I've had some trouble with my laptop cord, and can't type for *insert desired curse word here* on my parent's computer. But, I think everything has been fixed, and I am back in action. On my agenda for tomorrow (well, today, considering it's 2 am here) is writing. That and playing Aveyond I and II. Good games, and I highly recommend them. Find them on the BigFish or Amaranthia websites. (Google/Yahoo search it.)_

_As always, please read and review! (And requests/suggestions/concrit are always welcome!)  
-Rachel Noelle_

* * *

Two Wrongs don't make a right, they make a Left. And two Rights make a U-turn. And since U-turns are illegal in most places, two Rights actually make a Wrong.

oOoOo

…Two Wrongs…

Oh, crap. That was not going to be good. She never should have volunteered to act as a cheerleader for the fools. Ikkaku hit Yumichika's fastball, and hard. The baseball flew through the air and straight through Yamamoto's bedroom window. The gathered group stood around, each person with their mouth hanging open.

"Alright, so, here's the deal," Renji volunteered. Everyone turned their heads to him, looking hopeful. "Shuuhei, you and Yumi go and find the ball, Ikkaku and I can keep guard, and Ran, you make up any excuse you have to, to keep the soutaicho from finding out."

The group gave a collective, firm nod and separated instantaneously. Rangiku rushed to the nearest corner, fully anticipating Sasakibe's arrival. She just hoped that the guys would hurry, because her usual charms seemed to have little effect on the first division fukutaicho.

Yumichika and Hisagi made quick work of slipping inside the soutaicho's quarters, and picked the lock to his bedroom door. They didn't understand why Yamamoto locked his bedroom but not his house, but they didn't have time for discussion.

Renji and Ikkaku stood watch outside the front door and the bedroom window, watching for any signs that Rangiku's flirtations were ignored. Though, at the moment, she seemed to be handling the situation splendidly, as an unknown male was accompanying Sasakibe, and kept motioning for the first division member to content himself.

…Don't make a Right…

"You know, I can hardly believe a big, strong man like you missed the bird that flew through the window. It was huge. Must have had a five foot wing span," Rangiku started to sob lightly, pretending to recall the horrific incident. "I'm so glad you showed up when you did, else it probably would have taken me away to its lair on the other side of Rukongai…" A few more sniffles for added effect, and the man's ego was fully inflated.

Rangiku, not one to leave any of her 'saviors' un-thanked, turned her attentions to Sasakibe. "Oh, and thank goodness you came! Whatever would I have done without someone to soothe to horror of being greeted with the sight of such a man. Only someone of your good looks and charms could have comforted my eyes so well. Oh, I simply can't thank you enough," Rangiku batted her lashes, drying her sniffles and trying to smile gratefully to Sasakibe.

Yumichika, Hisagi, Renji, and Ikkaku heard only enough of the conversation to understand something along the lines of 'Save me from this giant trying to attack me!' And, since they knew the wrath of the punishment that lay waiting for them if they failed to protect Hitsugaya taicho's girlfriend, they decided to intervene.

…They make a Left…

"Sasakibe?" Yamamoto called as he rounded the corner. "What is going on? Did you find out what happened?"

"Yes, sir," Sasakibe replied. "Apparently a very large bird flew in through the window and back out, with something like a parchment held in its beak."

Yamamoto was momentarily blinded by the sun on Ikkaku's head as the foursome ran to 'help' Rangiku.

"Aha! I knew it was you, Sunny Nobeard, the pirate! You've been trying to steal my treasure map for years, and now you've finally caught yourself a big enough bird to do so! I'll have you hanged for this, I swear it!" Yamamoto boomed. Ikkaku froze in his place, worried suddenly for his life. Luckily, though, Yamamoto seemed to have gone insane, and was sword fighting an invisible enemy with an invisible sword.

…And two Rights…

Renji and Hisagi ignored the conversation around them, and Ikkaku and Yumichika as they tried to dodge the attacks from Yamamoto not directed at the invisible enemy. Renji, upon drawing close enough to do so, snatched Rangiku up into a tight grasp, touching her in places she wasn't entirely okay with, and shunpoed a few meters away with her in his arms.

Shuuhei, however, advanced on the 'unknown' man and immediately began firing kidou at and sword fighting with him. The man, eager for a fight, happily reciprocated, minus the kidou.

…Make a U-Turn…

A minute too late Shuuhei finally realized just who the man was. Of course, it did explain why he was gaining an advantage with his kidou but severely losing with the swordplay.

"Erm, Zaraki taicho?" Hisagi squeaked. Oh, crap. He just had to pick a fight with the one person sure to 'whoop his ass.' Oh, the trouble he would be in…

The fight lasted for a good half-hour, most of it spent with Hisagi running from Zaraki in a weak attempt to hide, and Zaraki following close behind, waiting for Hisagi to wear out some. The fighting only ceased when Unohana stepped from her office with her creepiest smile tacked into place.

… And since U-turns are illegal in most places, two Rights actually make a Wrong…

"Although I, too, enjoy a good spar, I do believe that it is imperative that you cease your antics now that you have arrived in my division. The lives of your men rest in my hands, and with those wounds your lives will, as well," Unohana spoke clearly, annunciating each word for effect. Zaraki and Hisagi turned to one another, shared a frightened look, and dropped their weapons.

Hitsugaya, just being released from his physical, stepped from the doors of the fourth division infirmary. Rangiku's face lit up, happy to see him. He ignored her for the moment and turned his attentions to Renji, who was still clutching Rangiku in a way that made the young taicho unhappy.

"Abarai fukutaicho, if you do not remove your person from the premise of a ten foot radius of Rangiku, you will be the next to be admitted to Unohana's care," Hitsugaya glowered. Renji vacated the area by a ten kilometer radius.

"Well, I can't say it's been fun, cause it hasn't, but I gotta go 'for the soutaicho catches up ta me again," Ikkaku gave a short bow to the taichos present and made a quick exit stage up-right. Yumichika followed him in kind, calling out for his companion to wait for him.

Unohana enlisted the help of a couple of her squad members to move Zaraki and Hisagi indoors to her infirmary, leaving Hitsugaya and Rangiku behind.

"That was exciting, eh, Taicho? I just love games. We should play a game!" Rangiku hugged Hitsugaya tightly from behind. Though those hugs weren't nearly as intoxicating as the hugs where she squished his head in her chest, they did allow him to remain conscious and breathing.

"Eh, I suppose. If you enjoy watching idiots being idiots, then yes, it was exciting," Hitsugaya broke from Rangiku, turning to face her. "But, let's get home. I'm tired of playing the idiot games, and need some sleep."

"Ah, but Taicho, I was thinking of the game you like, the one where I pretend to be a princess in need of rescuing and you're the knight in shining armor who rescues me. And then, of course, I have to repay you for your kind deed…" Leaning close to an already blushing Hitsugaya, Rangiku dropped her voice, masking her usual timbre with a husky undertone, "…Any way you want me to."

As Hitsugaya quickened their pace to their rooms, Rangiku added, "You know, I wasn't ever much of one for baseball, anyway."

* * *

_**A/N:**__ For anyone unsure of what sort of conclusions I was implying throughout, here are my notes. _

_**Two wrongs:**__ Ikkaku hits baseball (Yumi throws) through window with zanpakuto; Matsumoto lies about it  
__**Right should be:**__ soutaicho believes it was a large bird  
__**Left is:**__ soutaicho ends up confused and believing that Ikkaku is trying to assassinate him for his hidden treasure map  
__**Two rights:**__ Shuuhei beats up guy for picking on Rangiku, Renji 'protects' Ran  
__**U-turn:**__ guy turns out to be Zaraki. Oops.  
__**Wrong:**__ Unohana 'disciplines' both Zaraki and Hisagi, Hitsugaya gets pissy with Renji for touching Ran_


	26. How Much Room

**Title:** How Much Room??  
**Date:** 13 May, 2009  
**Words:** 842  
**Characters:** Hitsugaya, Matsumoto, mentioned Haineko, Hyourinmaru, Renji and Shuuhei, others implied but not directly mentioned.  
**Pairings:** Hitsugaya & Matsumoto, Haineko & Hyourinmaru, Renji & Shuuhei implied  
**Summary:** Just _how_ much room _does_ Rangiku have in her shihakusho top, anyway??  
**Inspiration:** Watching DDR (again, yes. I love it. And Howl's Moving Castle, too, lol) and I got to thinking about the scene where Rangiku hands Toshiro his haori, and I was wondering just where she'd been storing it. Had this been Harry Potter, I'd have chalked it up to a summoning charm, but, ya know. It isn't... yet. That is in the plans, though! 8-)  
**Rating: **T or PG-13, I'd even say PG-15 for the one comment...

_**A/N:**__ How does one resist the allure of a semi-crack fic, when it presents itself so blatantly in one's face? That's right. One doesn't. I hope it's not terrible, and it's a bit short, but, hey, I just wanted to let everyone know I'm still alive. Lol. _

_To anyone who cares, my nieces are doing okay (not good, but not bad, really, either). They have been diagnosed with Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome, but they are in separate amniotic sacs, so there's no risk of cord entanglement. The only concern is what they call this 'stuck baby' syndrome, and being able to see the bladder and kidneys of the smaller twin. Do keep us in your thoughts/prayers, not so much that the babies are born and healthy (though we are hoping for two healthy baby girls), but that we all have the strength to deal with whatever may come. God has a plan, and if it's something we don't like, we'll need all the strength we can get. _

_But, enough of my melancholy. Please enjoy, read and review! 8-)  
-Rachel Noelle _

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

Toshiro knew that his relationship with his fukutaicho often went beyond just companionship and friendship, though neither would yet admit it, but he was doing well lately (in the sense he was more concerned with the fact that his deceased friend and one-time friendly rival was trying to become the king of Soul Society) not to dwell on the thoughts of his second in command's assets, namely those she so enjoyed squishing his head between on a regular basis. Okay, so, 'lately' was a relative term.

But, when he finally managed to make it back to Seireitei, wondering the instant he laid eyes on Rangiku how he went for nearly a whole week without her stimulating hugs, he was not entirely surprised with the initial results. Kusaka was surprised to know that Toshiro never planned to join him, Kurosaki gave some lame speech about sharing your burdens (which Toshiro hated to admit made perfect sense), and everyone else in the Gotei 13 decided Toshiro wasn't such a traitor after all.

And, of course, not long after, Kusaka lost his frigging mind, and the fighting commenced.

Somewhere in the fray those primarily in charge of the defeat of the enemy, as Yamamoto and Soi Fong had so eloquently deemed him, were plummeted to the ground. Quite painfully, of course. Also as expected.

After crawling from under a large chunk of rock, and praying that Rangiku was okay, Toshiro finally got a good look at his second. Were her boobs bigger than last week? Or had he just gone so long without any sort of contact with those precious, wondrous, marvelous… Erm, well… He _was_ a male, after all. Even Renji and Shuuhei were attracted to Rangiku, and their sexual preference was more than questionable.

But, Toshiro decided, Rangiku's chest was definitely larger than the last time he'd seen her this closely.

And then came more speech, more excuses for why Rangiku was risking her ass to save his, and the partial welcome backs. Actually, he'd not expected this. Well, not much. And all Rangiku succeeded in doing was to make him feel like such an imbecile…

He turned away from her momentarily, feeling lower than dirt. But her soft call to him made him hopeful, though he hoped he didn't look desperate, even though he was, as he turned back to face her.

"Here, Taicho," Rangiku smiled, and presented Toshiro with his haori. With a few encouraging calls (okay, so he secretly loved the attention, why else would he have waited for the expected results?) Toshiro took the haori from Rangiku and put it on.

There was a short lull in the fighting and commotion, as the small group waited for more orders and ideas from someone on the outside to come in. Toshiro and Rangiku took to standing together against a rock, sort of listening in to the conversations around them.

When Rangiku simply couldn't resist any longer (and Toshiro would be a fool to complain after such a duration of deprivation of the 'heavenly valley') she pulled Toshiro to her chest, allowing him a second good view of her chest. He figured, after all the years they'd been together, and she'd only been wearing her uniform so very open in the last few, since he'd fully come into puberty, if she didn't want him to see anything, she'd have covered herself much better.

But, suddenly, Toshiro's mouth dropped open and his eyes widened in fear. Her boobs were smaller now! Oh, how had she lost such gorgeous mass in only a matter of minutes? Were his eyes and mind playing tricks on him?

"Matsumoto…" Toshiro spoke up, not sure if she'd try to murder him for such a question or not. She looked back, curiosity on her face, as he tried to focus on her face and not her slightly smaller chest.

Noticing his confusion, and the flicker of his eyes back and forth between her chest and face, Rangiku smiled and answered his unspoken question. He did look terrified, after all.

"Where do you think I was keeping that haori? It may be small for a taicho, but it still isn't exactly tiny, you know?"

Toshiro's cheeks and face colored bright red, and he turned away from Rangiku, suddenly fearing he was going to be burned to death with Haineko. Which, Hyourinmaru remarked, would be a terrible thing for _him_. If Toshiro wanted to die, fine. But Hyourinmaru wished to remain around to be with his precious kitty, since she was, after all, the best pussy around.

Hyourinmaru's input only served to embarrass Toshiro more.

Luckily, the fighting ceased quickly enough, and in apology for such an obnoxious question, Toshiro asked Rangiku to dinner. All went splendidly, and in only a matter of about a week the two were steady companions. Toshiro was continually increasing in his efficiency in kissing, and Rangiku was actually helping with the paperwork.

And thus goes the story, which very soon led to Toshiro discovering just how much room Rangiku had inside her uniform top.

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

Notes: I'm so sorry about the Haineko comment; it's horribly lame, and very crude, but, it fits _sooooo_ well right there. I mean, Haineko _is_ a cat, after all. 8-)


	27. Yachiru's Bedtime

**Title:** Yachiru's Bedtime  
**Date:** 21 June, 2009  
**Words:** 342  
**Characters:** Yachiru, Zaraki, mentioned Yamamoto  
**Pairings:** None (I know, no HitsuMatsu anywhere… Where has my sanity gone?!)  
**Summary:** Yachiru gets a bedtime story.  
**Inspiration:** Robot Chicken. Maybe I watch too much crap nowadays?  
**Rating: **T or PG-13

_**A/N:**__ Honestly, it just happened to fit these two perfectly. 8-) And I promised I'd get back to writing as much as possible._

Please enjoy and review!!!  
-Rachel Noelle

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

"Well, Squirt, if ya give a mouse a cookie…"

"Ooh! I like mice! Can I have a mouse, Ken-chan?"

"No, now shut up and listen. If ya give a mouse a cookie, he'll want a glass of milk-"

"I want some milk, Ken-chan."

"Later. If ya give a mouse a glass of milk, he'll want some more."

"Can I have two glasses of milk? With a mouse?"

"No. Now shut up an' listen. If ya give him more milk, he'll develop a taste for shinigami blood."

"Blood is pretty, Ken-chan."

"It is, ain't it? But, if the mouse gets a liking for shinigami blood, he'll turn into a vampire. And not them lousy good-fer-nothing-excuses-for-a-vampire-Bounts, either. A real vampire, like the humans believe in."

"I wanna be a vampire, Ken-chan!"

"Sure ya do. Now shut up again. Now, if he 'comes a vampire, he'll create some followers. Then if he makes some followers, they'll hafta feed, too."

"I'm hungry, Ken-chan."

"We jus' ate. Be quiet. If the vampires feed too much, we'll hafta call in all the Gotei 13. And if the Gotei 13 gets called in-"

"Will the vampires eat them, too?"

"Exactly. We don' wanna be vampire food, now do we?"

"Nope. I wanna be a vampire, Ken-chan!"

"Yeah, yeah. But, if the Gotei 13 failed ta control the vampires, then Yama-jii'd have ta call in a nuclear strike."

"What's that, Ken-chan?"

"Huh? Oh, it's something or other that makes a big explosion."

"Wow!! That sounds fun!"

"Actually, it does. But anyway, if the nuke gets dropped, everybody'd die. Then we'll all turn inta a nuclear wasteland and every other place with access to a nuke, like Hueco Mundo, would start droppin' nukes."

"Hueco Mundo has… new-clee-are stuffs?"

"Sure, why not, kid? But if they start droppin' nukes, the whole universe would be destroyed, an' us with it."

"Really? Wow, Ken-chan. Can we try that?"

"That ain't a very smart idea, kiddo."

"Oh… Okay."

"So, that's why I had ta kill Yama-jii. He was tryin' to give a mouse a cookie."

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

**Notes:  
**This is what the original Robot Chicken sketch entails. I changed it up a bit, after they changed it, of course. Lol. I think whoever compiled this left out a few words, or something like that, but, basically, if you haven't seen this skit, this is what it says. When I last saw it I automatically thought of Yachiru and Zaraki. Hahaha.

**Mother:** If you give a mouse a cookie, he'll want a glass of milk. If you give him some milk, he'll want more. If you give him more milk, he'll develop a taste for human blood. if he develops a taste for human blood, he'll become a vampire. If he becomes a vampire, he'll have to make followers. Now if he makes some followers, they'll need to feed. If they feed too much, the National Guard will be called out. If the National Guard is called out, they too will become fodder for the vampires. If the National Guard fails, the President will call in a nuclear strike. If a nuke is dropped, hundreds of thousands of people will die. America will become a nuclear wasteland and collapse. With no one to keep the rest of the world's nukes in check, every crackpot nation will launch their own. Eventually, the entire earth will be destroyed. That's why I had to kill daddy. He was trying to give a mouse a cookie.


	28. Matsumoto's Diary

**Title:** Matsumoto's Diary, or, Several Days in the Life of Matsumoto Rangiku  
**Date:** 18 July, 2009  
**Words:** 2449  
**Characters:** Rangiku, Toshiro, Haineko, Nanao, mentions of Hyourinmaru, Shunsui, Hinamori, Gin, Renji and Shuuhei  
**Pairings:** Toshiro & Rangiku  
**Inspiration:** If I kept a diary, it would probably look like this.  
**Summary:** Just what does go through Rangiku's head when it comes to her cute little taicho growing up?  
**Rating:** PG-15 – not quite M-Rated. No details about sex and what have you, but a lot of talk about the subject matter. If that made any sense whatsoever.

_**A/N:**__ I have been trying to get back into my writing, and I'm sorry I've been gone. Between work, boys (well, a boy), my sis and nieces (she's decided on first names, still no middle names)… it's been hellish to say the least. Usually I'm so exhausted by the end of the day that I just want to sleep. And I've been doing mostly that. Again, my apologies. But, I'm coming back!_

_This was originally intended as a side-story to my Child Rearing: 101 fic. So, you may read it as something of a prequel to that, or as a stand alone story (which I would prefer) with some of the same ideas. _

_Please enjoy! If you like it, let me know (and I think the review things are back to 'normal,' for any interested persons). Also, let me know if you'd like to see more of this type of ficlet, or if you don't like the style._

_One last thing, for anyone who isn't sure, the words inside the parenthesis should be understood to be her thoughts that she is not writing down. I mean, what if someone found her diary. How incriminating would that be then?! Lol._

_Thanks for reading, and if you find the time, please review!  
-Rachel Noelle_

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

**Day One:**

Well, it's far from truly being day one. More like day 45,000 or so (Maybe that's a _bit_ of an exaggeration… but only a bit!). How many years does that make? I've lost count. Anyway… You know something? And this isn't the first time I've noticed this, either (Haineko! I don't need you recollecting the times! Sheesh!). But Taicho has gone from being the cute li'l boy I ran into (literally!) in the market one day to being a nice looking (Actually, he's become _quite_ gorgeous. Don't roll your eyes at me, cat! Meanie!) male specimen. Isn't fate cruel?

After Gin left (that bastard) I started to notice these things, but I was afraid I was just being stupid (because that would be typical for me). Besides, even now he's still young, right? Although, technically, here age is simply a marker of how long it's been since you were alive (hence how I am still so young and flawless! Shut _up_, Haineko!). But, Taicho's gotten taller, not much more than an inch or so, but it's obvious just how mature he is now. And I don't mean mentally, he's always been at least as mature as me, sometimes more so (okay, so some of my immaturity is just an act, seriously). But it's obvious he is physically mature about the same as a normal human boy about fifteen or sixteen years old (No, Haineko, I did _not_ see him naked in the training room showers last week. And I was _not_ looking!).

I guess that's about the age when Gin and I discovered one another (What a discovery, too. Too bad I can't modify that memory). And, I'll admit, those first few times together were only wonderful ('wonderful' being an overstatement) because neither of us knew better (at least _I_ was still young and naïve enough not to know better). Looking back now I wonder how long he only pretended to love me just to have my body (Haineko, I am not conceited. I just know a good thing when I see one. Or a nice body). At least Taicho appreciates me for my mind. Well, he acts like it, at least. And I know how terrible he is at lying, too. So he must. (If not, I'm going to run him through with Haineko, and I mean it.)

But he really has become more developed (I told you, I wasn't looking. Well, not on purpose, anyway… Okay, maybe just a little, itty bitty, teeny tiny peek. But that's all, I swear). Since the defeat of Aizen and Co., just a few months ago now, I can tell the small differences in his demeanor (Yum!). And in the way he carries himself; and I caught him studying me the other day (I think my heart almost exploded from the pressure). Not in that lustful way most males tend to look at me, but, rather, in a way that says he's never really looked at a woman before (Okay, so that's not far from the lustful way, is it?). Much less one as, ehem, well endowed as me (I told you before, Cat, it's your fault. I don't know how or why, but I'm sure it is).

I swear, if Hinamori doesn't notice the boy pining after her soon, I'll strangle her and have her committed to a sanitarium (Actually… Maybe… Too bad that's probably considered illegal…). And no, Haineko, that is not a glimmer of hope that she doesn't. (What do you mean, jealous?! He's a kid! Right? Right. Why am I always wrong?)

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

**Day Twelve:**

I caught him staring at me again today (Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes!! Erm… Ehem…). I don't know what has brought about this sudden fascination with my body… At least I think it's my body (He already knows my mind, what else is left?). Nanao suggested that he's fallen for me (Please, please, please?). I asked her if she'd been drinking heavily with Shun-kun. She swore she hadn't (Sure, sure). I know it's unlike her to drink, but, something seemed to be amiss. (Is it good if other people are noticing?)

Again, Haineko? Okay, so he would be a wonderful boyfriend for some lucky girl, most likely Hinamori (I'd be a better candidate). Momo (bitch!) deserves a good man to take care of her. She can't take care of herself very well, sometimes. Oh, shit. I didn't mean that (Okay, so… I totally did mean that).

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

**Day Seventeen: **

I've decided that I want children (I can hear the gods crying now "Heaven help us all!"). The only issue is that, unless I adopt, which I certainly could do (I still want a 'father' for them, though), I need someone to be the father of those children (Ah, the joys of baby-making). And, since I am currently seeing no one, not romantically (not yet. Wait til I get Momo out of the way, though), unless Shun-kun counts, and Nanao would kill me for even thinking about that with him, I have no one to father my children anyhow. (And the joy of baby-making flies out the window with that one, insignificant factor…)

I hugged Taicho today (Score one for Rangiku! Take that Momo!). His nose planted itself a couple inches taller (My poor boobs were a bit sad). Why do males always grow so quickly? They don't grow more than an inch in a decade, then they shoot up six or ten inches in a matter of a couple months (Make it stop! Keep the girls happy!!).

I think he smiled when I hugged him (it tickled!). That explains the extra-deep blush on his face. I caught him, and he really was embarrassed then, for behaving like the hormonal teenager he is (This is gonna be _so_ much fun!!).

You know (and this goes out to Haineko), he was level with all the girls' breasts at the academy, and he's still pretty level with mine, not to mention most of the older women in the Gotei 13… Maybe he's a closet pervert, but no one suspects him because of his appearance. I must find this out! (Haineko! How could you? I am not devising a plan to get him drunk and have my way with him! Well, I am now that you've planted the idea in my head…)

Haineko, I am not (quit calling me a liar) looking for an excuse to get closer to him! (But it will be fun, won't it?)

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

**Day Twenty-two:**

I asked Taicho if he really was a pervert (of course he is, even if he won't admit it), and he answered by looking shocked and embarrassed and sentencing me to three days of paperwork by myself (my BOB isn't going to last long enough at this rate). It wasn't like I was asking him to describe his first time with a girl in detail (actually, I don't think he's had a 'first time' yet. Oh, the possibilities!!). I can tell he's not into boys. That's a relief (Finally, Haineko, we agree on something). Kind of like when Byakuya married Hisana. At least the women in Rukongai could rest a bit easier, knowing the hottest man (at the time) in all Soul Society was into women, and not men. That way, should something come of Hisana, the other women might stand a chance of getting to 'rebuild' his poor, broken little heart. (And the only one who really stands a chance is Yachiru, though neither want to admit it yet.)

I just realized something. And I'm going to hate myself for this, but, Haineko was right (As if we didn't already know this). Now, to see if Nanao is right, too. (Well, at least I have three days of paperwork, alone, to get over the rejection, right?)

Damn. (Who did I piss off in a past life?!)

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

**Day Twenty-three:**

Operation: Seduce Taicho has begun. Okay, I haven't set out to seduce him (not _really_ really. Just sort of. Though it would be fun to teach him what I know…), I've only set out to see if Nanao is right (I am not lying again, Haineko. Why can't you be nice? I don't harass you about your relationship, or as of yet lack thereof, with Hyourinmaru). But, Operation: See If Nanao Was Right About Taicho's Crush On Me is just too damned long (seriously!). Beside, Seduce just sounds fun. Admittedly, in more ways than one. (Hey, I can't help it. I didn't make the rules, I just know how to use them.)

So, I haven't been with _every_ man in Seireitei (who'd want that, anyway?), like the rumors like to tell it, but I have had a handful plus one suitors in my bed (Let's see, Gin, Shuuhei before he turned gay and started dating Renji, same with Renji… Wait, no. I wasn't ever with them. Man, that was some wickedly weird dream…). So, that should figure up to six (well, four minus Shuuhei and Renji). Including Gin. And all but Gin were before Toshiro made taicho. I mean Taicho. Oh, whatever. (So Taicho will be lucky number five… I did always like that number.)

Gin and I were off and on so many times through the years, that finally we settled into just a pattern of best friends with benefits (eventually the sex did get better, believe it or not). You know, like a fuck buddy. It's a crude term, but it's true. (Haineko, don't tell me that's not what you and the dragon are at the moment. I know better. What do you mean he won't commit until Toshiro does?)

Back to the true topic at hand. I suggested that I teach him to kiss properly today (if only… but I'll wait). Something mild, and not too embarrassing (at least I didn't think so). He stuttered out some refusal, after he pretended to think about it (After he thought about it, I know). Stupid Hinamori. He must feel like he owes it to her to be kind and wait for her (who am I kidding? He totally wanted to take me up on my offer). Maybe Haineko wouldn't mind some action? We could totally kick her ass. (Bitch is going down!)

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

**Day Thirty:**

I talked to Nanao again today. Not that that in itself is new, but we talked about kids and her budding relationship with her Shun-kun (they're so cute together!). I must admit, she's making the best love she's ever known and I'm a bit jealous (not because she's with Shun-kun, but because she's having _great_ sex). Granted, she's only been serious with two other men, ever. But she says I should talk to Taicho, tell him what she says she knows I'm feeling (sometimes I hate that she's so good at picking up on my emotional turmoil).

I'm over Gin, as far as romance is concerned (hell, I've been over that part of our relationship almost since it first started). Losing a friend like that, though, is almost worse than them dying. That part still hurts a little, but it's like I love him but I don't like him anymore. If that makes sense. (Maybe it's more that sister-brother kind of love? And no, we are not in Arkansas!)

Yes, I told Nanao I want children again (damnable biological clock. Stop ticking!). No, I didn't know how to speak when she suggested I ask Taicho for help, so to say (that idea has not crossed my mind, Haineko. Okay, okay. Maybe once. But that's all. Those other 473 times don't count. I was daydreaming!). I fell out of my seat at the table, and not from the sake (I can hold my liquor, just not my news). Which I haven't touched since I heard Taicho mumble my name (take that, bitch!) when he fell asleep at the office two days ago. Actually, he more or less moaned my name out (wet dreams in the afternoon probably aren't a good idea, Toshiro. But it does make for a happy Rangiku). And not that Matsumoto crap he always uses when he's irritated with me. He used _Rangiku_.

Well, that ends Operation: Seduce Taicho. And it didn't take long. (Not that I expected it to, I mean, this is me he would be trying to resist. Haineko! I am not conceited.)

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

**Day Thirty-three:**

I finally did it (and am I sorry I did, or what?). I asked Toshiro to be the father of my children. Then he yelled at me, sentenced me to paperwork, went for a walk, and left me crying (Jackass!! He didn't have to yell…). I have since composed myself and taken my frustration out on the paperwork (heaven help the poor sod who gets to read it later). I'll kill Nanao (maybe that's a bit more aggressive than I intended. But I am going to give her a _very_ stern talking to). This was her idea, after all (Exactly!).

Now I just feel incredibly stupid (not that this is uncommon. It's just never for this sort of reason). He's entirely too young to want to be a father (understandable), and he's probably got issues with the height thing. I don't give a fuck about that. I just hope I didn't fuck things up too much for us (there goes my cushy job working in the Tenth Division office). It will be most awkward at the office if this doesn't end well. Actually, if this doesn't end well I'll likely find myself assigned to the thirteenth as Ukitake's fukutaicho (He is a lot like Toshiro, only more relaxed and taller…). Or maybe he'll pull Hinamori (I think I hate her just a little more, if that's even possible) from fifth and stick me there with their new taicho, Renji (only problem is that he'd be no fun to mess with anymore. Not now that Shuuhei has stepped into the picture). I guess that wouldn't be horrible.

oOoOo

I guess things turned out okay, after all. We went to dinner tonight, and I got to teach him to kiss (more fun than the flying carpet incident I 'accidentally' got caught up in when the Twelfth Division decided to branch out their experiments). I have a feeling I get to teach him a lot more as time goes (one step at a time, right?). Well, if he's with me when the time comes, I'll be teaching him, at least (and why, pray tell, would he even consider not wanting to be?).

Oooh, this is going to be fun. (Yes, yes, yes!! Yes! Okay, Haineko, you were right.)

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

_**A/N:**__ One more thing. I'm beginning my HP/Bleach crossover fic, so suggestions and ideas for the plot are welcome. I'll likely also be doing a Harry Potter (only) fic, so again suggestions/ideas are welcome. I am primarily a canon shipper in HP, so there will be Harry/Ginny (because Ginny is the most awesome person in the world!!) and Ron/Hermione (they were, quite literally, written for each other). For all of you Arthur Weasley fans, if you promise to keep reading, I promise you'll love what happens. _

_-Rachel_


	29. Want Ads

**Title:** Want Ads  
**Date:** 6 August, 2009  
**Words:** 719  
**Characters:** Yamamoto, Soi Fong, Gin, Kira, Unohana, Isane, Hanataro, Aizen, Hinamori, Byakuya, Renji, Komamura, Iba, Kyouraku, Nanao, Tousen, Hisagi, Rangiku, Toshiro, Yachiru, Zaraki, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Ukitake.  
**Pairings:** Rangiku & Toshiro, Gin & Aizen, Kira & Hinamori, Ukitake & Soi Fong, Unohana & Zaraki, Ichigo & Rukia, Renji & Shuuhei, Byakuya & Yachiru, Kyouraku & Nanao. Others may be derived and applied as you see fit.  
**Summary:** Want Ads found in the Seireitei newspaper. Does no one read these?  
**Inspiration:** No idea. Just something that popped in my head.  
**Rating: **PG to PG-13, depending on your viewpoint.

_**A/N:**__ Set anytime, really. May be some appearances of people from all timelines. Pure crack, I'm sure. 8-) Just a modicum of Want Ads I though you might find, though. I'm thinking about a 'follow-up' chapter to see the aftermath of these. What do you think?_

_Please enjoy and review!!!  
-Rachel Noelle_

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

**WANTED: **Evil Minions. Must be willing to follow orders or suffer near-death and death as punishments. See Ichimaru Taichou for more information.

**SEEKING MALE.** Talk, dark, and handsome? Matsumoto Rangiku is looking for someone to accompany her to the next festival. Short, White/Blonde, and Cute need not apply. One is enough. Please contact whenever I am not at the office or Taichou's home.

**LOOKING** for more than this droll, boring, everyday work? Want a hand in the overthrowing of the universe? Would you like to sit upon the right hand of your new god? Then come apply with Aizen Taichou. Be a member of something greater. Help take over the world!

**ATTENTION:** All males foolish enough to answer Matsumoto Fukutaicho's ad. You _will_ suffer a very cold and icy punishment. –Hitsugaya Taichou

**OFFICIANT** needed for Civil Union Ceremony between Aizen Taichou and Ichimaru Taichou. Please apply with Kira Fukutaicho or Hinamori Fukutaicho.

**CIVIL UNION** Ceremony for Aizen Taichou and Ichimaru Taichou August 16, 6:00 pm. All are invited to attend. Please RSVP with Matsumoto Fukutaicho.

**HINAMORI MOMO:** I love you! Why can't you see this?! I, Kira Izuru, have loved you since our first day in class together. Aizen Taichou is not the one for you. He's marrying another man, for crying out loud! Please, my little sugar bear, come home to me! I want to [The remainder of this ad has been edited to conserve approximately 17 pages] Please marry me! –Kira

**OPENING SOON:** The squad members of divisions Three, Five, and Nine are seeking applicants for new Taichos. Please apply with the respective divisions or with Yamamoto Soutaicho.

**BYAKUSHI, BYAKUN.** I love you, but it's too soon. I'm too young, and you're too old. Otherwise, my sheets wouldn't be cold. But when the day comes, and so do you, I'm sure you will find you're no longer blue. I'll make you happy, and make you smile, when I'm old enough to carry your child. This is a promise for our future so true. One day when I'm not too young, I'll marry you! –Yachiru

**WANTED:** Someone to take over paperwork for Division Eight. Paying handsomely. I need to teach my Nanao-chan how to have some real fun! Apply with Kyouraku Taichou.

**KUSAJISHI **Fukutaicho, in response to your posting these previous four weeks, you're not too young. You're _never_ too young. –Kuchiki Taichou

**FOR RENT:** Single bed apartment in Fukutaicho Quarters. Moving. Contact Matsumoto Rangiku or Hitsugaya Taicho for more information.

**HISAGI SHUUHEI,** please meet me at the Bella Cantina Friday at seven. I'll be the one with red hair. –Your Secret Admirer.

**ABARAI RENJI,** please meet me at the Bella Cantina Friday at seven. I'll be the one with the tattoos. –Your Secret Admirer.

**BYAKUYA** – I'm asking permission to date your sister. I'd do it in person, but those little blades hurt like hell. –Ichigo

**QUINCY SEEKS** position with Shinigami. Don't inform my father. Please contact Ishida Uryuu with any opportunities. Limited time only: Two-for-One package! Quincy and Healer with God-like powers.

**SINGLE, WHITE-HEADED** male seeks single black-haired female. Stealth skills, nimbleness, and bee-sting quick skills preferred. Please contact Ukitake Taichou.

**TEST SUBJECTS** **WANTED**. May be subjected to pain, suffering, and near-death or death experiences. Apply in Division Twelve.

**CAN YA FIGHT?** Then Eleventh Division wants ya! Talk to Zaraki Taichou to join up.

**KITSUNE MALE** seeks like female. Please contact Iba fukutaicho for more information.

**UNOHANA TAICHO** seeks Zaraki Taicho. Apparently strong, muscular men really turn her on. She promises it will be "more fun than slaying seventeen Menos before breakfast when you get to bed with me." Although we shall refrain from any opinions, we are terrified that our Taichou has begun speaking like this. Zaraki Taichou, please contact Kotetsu Isane or Yamada Hanataro.

**ASSISTANTS** needed for universe takeover. See Tousen Taichou for more information. Justice will prevail!

**STEALTH FORCE**, bring me Ukitake Taichou. Juushiro, I will teach you to leave me just when it's getting good! –Soi Fong

**YAMAMOTO** is actively seeking someone else to declare a traitor and sentence to death upon contact. Please apply within.

**IF I PROMISE** not to kill ya, will ya join up wit' me an' Aizen Taichou ta take over the world? –Gin

**NEEDED:** New feathers and hair wax. Contact Madarame Ikkaku or Ayasegawa Yumichika with your prices.


	30. Want Ads Part 2

**Title:** Want Ads  
**Date:** 30 September, 2009  
**Words:** 2456 (Counts the dividers between paragraphs/sections, but not at the beginning or ending of fic)  
**Characters:** Yamamoto, Soi Fong, Gin, Kira, Unohana, Isane, Hanataro, Aizen, Hinamori, Byakuya, Renji, Komamura, Iba, Kyouraku, Nanao, Tousen, Hisagi, Rangiku, Toshiro, Yachiru, Zaraki, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Ukitake.  
**Pairings:** Rangiku & Toshiro, Gin & Aizen, Kira & Hinamori, Ukitake & Soi Fong, Unohana & Zaraki, Ichigo & Rukia, Renji & Shuuhei, Byakuya & Yachiru, Kyouraku & Nanao. Others may be derived and applied as you see fit.  
**Summary:** The results of placing a Wanted ad in the paper...  
**Inspiration:** The previous chapter. 8-)  
**Rating: **PG to PG-13, depending on your viewpoint.

_***Updated on 14/October/09 to include header info*  
*Updated on 15/October/09 to fix spelling/grammar errors, and remove the confirmation code at the bottom, and other stupidities I found. Oops.***_

_**A/N:**__ These should follow in order to the last "Want Ads" posting. It is not all in chronological order. If it involves men in the "Ice" incident and they're not in the tenth division grounds, it is before the Ice incident (numbers 2 and 4, mainly). I tried, but some just didn't work out. 8( Anyhow, I hope it's not too confusing. I would have put it all in time order, but then it doesn't fall in line with the other chapter. And I think that's more important. 8-)_

_Also, I'm sorry it's been so long since I've updated anything. My sister just had her babies three weeks ago, and before that it was work or trips to her doctor 2 hours away, so, I preferred sleep. Lol. But, things are settling down now, and should be getting back to the new normal. For all of you who've stuck around, thank you! Oh, and if I haven't responded to anyone's reviews, let me know. It seems like I've missed someone… (Reviews before 9/25/09. The one I got today I just need to send off my reply for 8-)) Thanks for reading, and maybe you wanna review? 8-D_

_Happy reading!_

_-Rachel Noelle_

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

"So, ya think ya wanna be a evil minion, eh?" Gin smiled his usual, creepy smile as Hanataro stood before him, fighting to not shiver.

"Erm, I- I'm sorry sir, but I think-" Hanataro tried to mumble.

"Can ya keep a secr't?" Gin inquired, pushing Hanataro's mumbles aside.

"Er, yes, sir, I suppose so." Hanataro swallowed obviously, shaking nervously now.

"Then yer in!" Gin congratulated Hanataro with a hearty slap on the back. He began leading Hanataro toward the door of his office, out into the Third Division grounds.

"Excuse me, Sir," Hanataro interjected. Gin looked expectantly to the boy. "What exactly am- am I- in?"

"Huh?" Gin looked confused for a fraction of a split second. "Oh! Yer gonna help meh ta plan a parteh fer Aizen Taicho's birthday."

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Rangiku, Shuuhei, Renji (no one knew why the red-head was included), Byakuya, Shunsui, Aizen, Hanataro, Iba, Tousen, Takezoe, Zaraki, Yumichika, Ikkaku (even though no one besides himself and Yumichika knew if he had dark hair or not), Ishida, and Sado stood in front of a very, very angry Hitsugaya Tōshirō taicho.

"Really, Tōshirō, it was just a joke! You know, since I figured you would have to work and all… I honestly didn't think all of them would show up," Rangiku giggled nervously, wondering just how much trouble she'd made for herself this time.

"Rangiku, please see yourself to the door. Ise-fukutaicho is waiting to accompany you to the Eighth," Tōshirō met Rangiku's eyes with a level gaze, daring her to object.

Rangiku wisely exited the room, casting her suitors a sympathetic glance. Just as she crossed the threshold of the door, she called out, "I told you idiots not to come to Tōshirō's home!"

Tōshirō cast the males filling his living area a crazed look, rubbing his hands together and threatening to cackle wildly. "Now, you'll learn why your 'response' to that ad was such a terrible, terrible mistake…"

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

"Ah, Tousen, my friend. You are here to apply?" Aizen spoke kindly, motioning for the other man to have a seat. Though Tousen did not see the movement, his senses were keen and he managed to find the chair.

"I see the path of justice with the least amount of blood," Tousen replied, unseeing gaze directed just to the right of Aizen.

"Oh, eh, well. Sure, I think I can get you that. Erm, what position are you looking for? Secretary, treasurer? Maybe Vice President of Public Relations?" Aizen suggested, knowing his plans included more bloodshed than Tousen was implying he desired to see.

"I wish to be your personal assistant and adviser." Aizen looked bewildered. If Tousen noticed, he never showed it. But how in Hueco Mundo was he going to be able to make _that_ position non-bloody?

"Eh, well, actually, Gin, well, Ichimaru taicho, has already been signed for the position. But, I'm certain you would make a wonderful Public Relations coordinator. It even comes with a fancy _title_," Aizen added inflection to entice Tousen into the position.

"But, I seek the path of least bloodshed. The path to justice!" Tousen spoke loudly.

Aizen hung his head. It was going to be a long day… and he really needed to answer that ad from the Tenth Division's Second.

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Tōshirō stood at the gates to his division, staring at the line of fourteen men standing in naught but their underwear (which they were lucky to have). Tōshirō froze the ground, walls, floors, doors, windows, and the toilet seats of the division grounds. His men were sent on something of a vacation, while the fourteen in front of him stood shivering, hoping he would not freeze them next.

"Now, because you were foolish enough to print, Hisagi fukutaicho, and answer," he paused for effect and to glare at the others standing with Shuuhei, "Rangiku's ad, you will clean every speck of water from here. You have three hours to figure out how to melt the ice, and six further to clean it all up. No zanpakuto, no kidou, nothing but body heat. Any slip ups, and you'll remove the last stitch of clothing. After that…" Tōshirō trailed off, and the already scared and shivering men shook with fear.

Oh, this was going to be fun. He made a mental note to himself and Hyourinmaru to thank Rangiku and Haineko later. He could not remember ever having this much fun.

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Kira and Hinamori stood with Ukitake, as he was offering to be the officiant for the civil union.

"Oh, it'll be so pretty! We'll have flowers, cake, punch, cookies, and a catered meal! Just think how gorgeous it will be! Only the best for the greatest man in the world!" Hinamori rambled on beyond that, but Juushiro and Kira tried to ignore it as much as possible.

"I would be delighted to assist you. Simply name the time and place, and I will come dressed appropriately," Ukitake smiled kindly to Kira, who nodded.

"Thank you, Ukitake taicho. We would be most pleased to have your services," Kira responded.

"And then we'll take taicho shopping for a tux, and Gin shopping for a pretty white dress…" Hinamori continued in the background.

"Uhm, I'll just be leaving. Let me know," Ukitake made a quick escape to the door, leaving Kira to deal with his delusional girlfriend.

"Ooh! And we can have those cute little…"

Kira sobbed lightly, praying it would end soon.

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Matsumoto sat in the Eighth Division office, Nanao laughing herself silly at her friend's predicament, both women going through all of the RSVPs for the civil union ceremony.

"Ugh! These are miserable! How could I have agreed to this?" Rangiku whined.

Nanao smirked. "Because Ichimaru taicho sweet-talked you with that 'best friend' business."

"Yeah. I know…" Rangiku sounded downcast and miserable. "Why does he have to be the 'female' in this relationship?!"

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

"Oh! Kira! Of course! Of course, of course! Yes!" Hinamori squealed, before enveloping Kira in a hug. Keeping her occupied with a deep kiss, Kira headed off to somewhere with Hinamori in his arms.

They were not heard from until needed for more wedding plans for Aizen and Gin.

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Yamamoto sat in the halls of the First Division, looking at the rag-tag group before him. The Kurosaki kid he understood. And a few of the others, like Kusajishi and Kotetsu Isane, he could kind of understand.

It was Juushiro that made the least sense of all. What was wrong with his current position?

"Sir, I'd like to apply for Taicho of Third Division. I wish to be transferred; if it gets me away from my feuding third seats, I'll do anything."

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Yachiru was a bit unnerved by the words written on the scrap of newspaper. Perhaps a bit sooner than she expected. But, hey. You didn't say 'no' to such an obvious opportunity.

So, it looked like there were going to be at least three weddings soon.

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

"Kiyone-san, why would you want to do our paperwork? Don't you have enough in your own division?" Nanao inquired of the younger woman.

"Well, sure. But I thought that maybe with a part-time job, I could earn a little extra cash, maybe lose a few pounds, buy a nice dress, get a date with Sentarō…"

Nanao smiled at Kiyone. "Alright then. But I think I could use a personal assistant more than anything. How about it?"

Rangiku, still going through RSVPs, cheered when Kiyone accepted the offer with a resounding "Yes!!"

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

As soon as he got out of this, he was going to hunt Yachiru down. Luckily she was old enough now that Zaraki wouldn't kill him. At least not right away. Although the glares he was receiving indicated he was definitely toeing the line.

As long as he got to see her, and didn't freeze to death for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, he would be okay with it.

Byakuya ran from Zaraki, hoping he could hide for a moment in the toilets.

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

"Matsumoto-san, Ichigo and I would like to rent your apartment. What do we need to do next?" Rukia asked. It was a bit difficult to track Rangiku down, but when she noticed the ice covering the Tenth, she figured the Eighth would be a good place to head next.

Ichigo was acting nervous, probably worried about being killed by Byakuya, who was, coincidentally, too worried about his own well-being to care about Ichigo.

"Absolutely. It's a bit small, but it has an office that would be just the right size for a baby's room," Rangiku prattled on, smirking as Ichigo's face fell. "I'll just have you sign the paperwork, and you can move in tonight," Rangiku chirped happily.

The paperwork signed, Ichigo took Rukia by the hand and headed for the door, Nanao smiling politely behind them. Rangiku called after them, finally putting Ichigo at ease (though it was unbelievably fun to let him sweat), "I think Kuchiki taicho is a bit… preoccupied at the moment, so you should have several days to get settled."

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Man, he couldn't wait to meet his secret admirer. If only he hadn't been outside Hitsugaya's house when Rangiku announced her 'suitors' were welcome to come inside.

Shuuhei should have never been waiting for Renji…

oOoOo

When he got out of this, he was going to change and head to the restaurant in record time. A few shunpo steps ought to help things out considerably. Yep, he was excited.

Too bad he was being 'stupid, idiot Renji' and waiting for Shuuhei outside the Tenth Division taicho quarters…

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Yes, as long as he got to see Yachiru soon, he would happily agree to giving Ichigo his blessing. Why not? If he did, he had plenty of time to train the boy.

It was _just_ Rukia's boyfriend, anyway.

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Ishida was regretting seeking help with the only shinigami taicho he was familiar with. All he wanted to do was get a job with the shinigami, and he was reduced to this. Walking about the Tenth Division in his underpants, freezing, and mopping up water.

Hopefully his dear Orihime was having a much better time, and definitely better luck, at the Fourth Division.

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Well, she fit the description he gave in the want ad. But it did not change the fact that Soi Fong was quite a surprise.

"Well, it is a delight to see you, Miss," Ukitake kissed her hand, making her blush.

"So, do I work or not?" Soi replied, impatiently.

"How about we have dinner, and see where it goes from there?" Ukitake suggested. Blushing again, Soi accepted and walked with Juushiro out the door of his office.

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Kurotsuchi was still waiting for applicants…

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Well, no one was even around to take applications for their division except Yachiru. And was she having fun? Except that she couldn't quit thinking about Byakushi, hell yes!

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Iba had no idea if any of the women he had interviewed would impress his taicho, but he figured it was worth a try. He decided to hand the applications in whenever he was freed from this ice prison.

His only concern was one "woman" who had turned in an application. Not for the sake of his life could he understand why Yamamoto would have any interest in his taicho…

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Unohana sighed. Isane kept apologizing for not being able to bring Zaraki in. Hanataro would have accompanied her, but he was being detained in the Tenth as well.

Oh, well. She could just hog tie him and force him to dinner with her whenever things cleared up.

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

"Ha! I'll help ya take over the universe!" Zaraki barked from across the way. Tousen scoffed.

"I should never accept the help of the likes of such a brutal, bloodthirsty brute as yourself," Tousen replied smugly.

"A'ight, fine," Zaraki gruffed. Tousen, for all his superior hearing, feeling, tasting, and smelling senses, was grazed across his back by a sharp chunk of ice. "Jackass," Zaraki mumbled as the other man howled in pain, completely over dramatizing the incident, and succeeding in being the first forced out of clothing altogether. Zaraki roared with laughter until Tōshirō cast him the scariest glare he'd ever seen the shrimp give.

Zaraki ran the other direction, quickly getting back to work.

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

"I'm sorry I left so suddenly. I was kind of worried that your fukutaicho might sit on me, and a coughing fit was coming on. I knew I wouldn't be able to fight," Ukitake sighed, looking pleadingly to Soi.

"Oh. I understand, then. You are forgiven," Soi replied, allowing Juushiro to take her hands in his. "Now, you'll have to kiss me to make up for it."

Juushiro leaned in, and just as they were about to connect, paused. Soi gave him a questioning glance, wondering what was wrong this time.

"Do you think… maybe you could untie me, and call them off?"

Soi gazed about her office before smirking. "Nah. More fun. But they can leave, sure."

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Poor Hanataro. Always caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. This time, he was being declared a traitor, and being sentenced to several years in prison.

How much more misery could he handle? All he set out to do today was clean Third Division offices, then he was roped in to planning a surprise party, which led him here, to deliver Yamamoto's invitation.

Whose Post Toasties did he accidentally piss in this morning?!

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Gin stood before an escaped Hanataro, observing the situation carefully. "I ain't gonna kill ya. Not righ' now, anyways. You got all them delivered, did'n ya?"

Hanataro nodded meekly. "Yes, Sir," he squeaked.

"Good. Now ya can help meh finalize meh plans ta take over the world."

oOoOo—RN—oOoOo

Yumichika let the little Hell Moth land on his fingers as he and Ikkaku tried to make it look as though they were still working. Already three hours in, and Tōshirō showed no signs of giving in.

"Ayasegawa Yumichika and Madarame Ikkaku, a shipment of wax and feathers has been delivered to your quarters. Please sign the delivery form and return to the Fourth Division as soon as possible," Yumichika heard Isane say.

"Heh, somebody actually sent us our stuff?" Ikkaku asked.

"Sounds like it," replied Yumichika.

"Man, I can't wait to get home. It's been three weeks since my last wax. My hair's starting to grow!" Ikkaku whined.

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

A/N: I couldn't really come up with a super good ending, but I hope it suffices. Anyone have suggestions for more? Also, should a do a Part 2 of this fic? Like a "Life's Questions Part Deux?"

-Rachel


	31. Eavesdropping

**Title:** Eavesdropping  
**Date:** 9 October, 2009  
**Words:** 553  
**Characters:** Ichigo, Rukia, Kira, Hinamori, Komamura, Rangiku, Tōshirō  
**Pairings:** Rangiku & Toshiro, Kira & Hinamori, Komamura & Hinamori, Ichigo & Rukia  
**Summary:** What you get for "droppin' them eaves" and for talking too loud.  
**Inspiration:** Someone some time back requested a KomaHina fic. And, at the time, I couldn't scrape anything up, no matter how I tried. I think this will suffice now, though.  
**Rating:** PG-13, due to high-school aged content taken out of context. 8-)

_**A/N:**__ Warning! Every OOC opportunity I had, I believe I took. But, it should be funny nonetheless, and that's what this fic is about. Please enjoy!_

_Happy reading!  
-Rachel Noelle_

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

"Well, we… I mean, Komamura taicho and I, finally did it," a female voice spoke up.

"You mean you…" a male voice spoke.

"Yeah…" the female voice returned, sounding caught between downtrodden and bewildered.

"Wow." There was a near-silence as the male voice whistled lowly in amazement. "What was it like?" the male voice continued, still amazed that whatever feat could have taken place actually did take place.

"Well," the female voice hesitated, "it kinda hurt. I mean, he was as gentle as he could be, but it still stung. He's just so… big."

"I still don't understand why you weren't happy with just me, but, if you are better now, that's what matters." The male voice spoke slowly, obviously causing the speaker and his companion to smile. "Just promise you'll let me do it with you from here on out, please, Momo?"

Hinamori must have been grinning broadly, as her voice cheered up immensely. "I promise, Kira!"

oOoOo

Ichigo and Rukia looked to one another in shock. Rukia paled. Ichigo blushed. Not that they had anything against Komamura, but he was… well, he wasn't like the other shinigami. And for Hinamori to have (Rukia and Ichigo gulped simultaneously) had sex with him was none of their business, but…

Jeeze.

What a combination.

And, naturally, everyone needed to know of it, especially Tōshirō and Rangiku. One would have a ball, the other would faint, thinking his sister had slept with a kitsune.

oOoOo

"And you are sure of this, Kurosaki?" Tōshirō sat behind his desk, trying to concentrate more on breathing steadily than the conversation. Even the fact that Momo had been having sex with Komamura taicho wasn't that astounding in and of itself, but the fact that Kira had willingly let her become… "She's a swinger?"

Rangiku, whose laughing had nearly ceased, burst into loud peals of laughter again at the once-again paled faces of Ichigo and Rukia. "How- how do you even know what that _is_?!"

Ichigo stood in shock, mouth hanging open as he pondered over the fact that "innocent" Tōshirō even knew what a swinger was.

Rukia recovered first. "Um, I suppose so, Hitsugaya taicho."

"Hm, wow." All heads turned to look at Tōshirō, who sat marveling now. "Never thought she would have had the… guts, as they say, to do something so ludicrous. She can barely kill hollows, she's so soft hearted and pure…"

oOoOo

"A delivery for you, Fukutaicho," a shinigami handed Hinamori a card, signed and sealed with the Tenth Division logo. She took it, wondering what Hitsugaya could have been sending her. Or if Matsumoto was feeling especially nice.

She whistled some as she walked into the Fifth Division office, opening the letter as she walked along. She found a card inside, with a pretty picture on the front, and "Congratulations!" written across it in bright lettering. Wondering what they were congratulating her for, she opened it and took a look inside.

"Congratulations on your recent accomplishment!" it read. Tōshirō and Rangiku had both signed it, and the traces of reiatsu lingering from Rangiku held no malice or contempt, only true happiness for the younger girl.

However, it was the note written below, from Tōshirō no less, that sent Kira running to answer the scream of his girlfriend.

"I'm not a swinger!! We were training!!"


	32. Meetings

**Title:** Meetings  
**Date:** 14 October, 2009  
**Words:** 615  
**Characters:** Rangiku, Toshiro, Yamamoto, Choujirou, Soi Fong, Omaeda, Gin, Kira, Unohana, Isane, Hanataro, Aizen, Hinamori, Byakuya, Renji, Komamura, Iba, Kyouraku, Nanao, Tousen, Hisagi, Zaraki, Yachiru, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Twelfth Division, Nemu, Ukitake, Kiyone, Sentarou  
**Pairings:** Rangiku & Toshiro, Byakuya & Yachiru, Ukitake & Soi Fong, Zaraki & Unohana, Gin & Aizen, Kyouraku & Nanao, Shuuhei & Renji, Kiyone & Sentarou.  
**Summary:** Meetings. And why they're terrible for you.  
**Inspiration:** Needed to write something, and I found the quote mentioned below. 8-)  
**Rating:** PG to PG-13, depending on how well you catch onto the innuendos.

_**A/N:**__ I gotta know if you all want me to post a few of my 'already written and just need cleaned up a bit' short fics in my Life's Questions fic, or as separate fics altogether. I have one that involves an M-rated diary thing, similar to the last "Matsumoto's Diary" I posted, also starring our fave two shinigami. Then I have a semi-serious Ikkaku and Yumichika (het-fic) that i want to post, but want to know your preference of where/how. And finally, I have another fic starring Yumi and Ikkaku, and two OC's (based on my Sims 2 Characters, believe it or not). The OC's are 'adopted' twin daughters of Soi and Juushiro, and I think I've made them realistic enough to not be offensive to anyone's "OMG! That was terrible!!" sense. _

_Anyway, if you all will give me a shout out, and let me know (you don't have to leave a review, a message or email (so long as you include why you're emailing and where I should know you from) will suffice for me). Any ideas are appreciated!_

_Happy Reading!!  
-Rachel Noelle_

**oOoOo**

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.' – Dave Barry

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

Yamamoto droned on and on, going over budget reports or some other thing that made everyone else in the room seriously miserable. The meeting, called for "emergency" reasons (because apparently Yamamoto really didn't have anything better to do), had already lasted for three hours.

Ikkaku, Yumichika, Renji, Shuuhei, and Kira sat in a back corner of the First Division meeting hall, at a table, shooting spit balls at one another. Rangiku winced as she noticed Ikkaku taking one in the eye. Renji would pay for that later.

Choujirou, Yamamoto's own second-in-command, sat doodling and certainly not taking notes like a good secretary.

Soi Fong and Omaeda were arm wrestling. Soi was winning. How, Rangiku couldn't fathom, but she was. Probably threatened him with paperwork, or banning him from crackers or something.

Gin was sharing lecherous looks with Aizen, making Rangiku wonder how, in all her years of knowing him, she could have ever _not_ noticed that he was _gay_… For some reason, that made his fox-like creepiness even creepier at the moment.

Unohana was passing notes with Zaraki, using Isane and Hanataro as messengers. Poor Hanataro looked ready to faint from either lack of sleep or fear; Rangiku couldn't decide which.

Hinamori looked torn between fawning over Aizen or Kira. The former being in a relationship with someone else, namely Gin, anyway, definitely seemed like a bad choice. Besides, Rangiku thought, Hinamori was dating Kira anyway…

Byakuya was… Well, not exactly being meeting appropriate with Yachiru… and glad to have Zaraki caught up in his own activities, Rangiku suspected.(1)

Komamura and Iba were having a rather loud whistling contest, to see who won. Sounded like the tune to "Dueling Banjos" to Rangiku. Who knew why they were otherwise being ignored, though?

Shunsui and Nanao were being their usual selves. Nanao playing hard-to-get, and Shunsui playing like he actually had to fight to get her. Ha! Everyone knew they were together. Rangiku wondered why they bothered playing their little games anymore…

Tousen sat alone, actually looking like he was the only person in the room paying any attention at all to the old man. Rangiku suspected that was simply because he was blind, and had his head turned to hear the things going on around him better.

Rangiku watched Zaraki scribble some kind of response to Unohana on a sheet of scrap paper. As Isane walked back to Unohana, undoubtedly catching a glimpse of the words, she blushed a deep red and looked downward as she waited for Unohana's response. She made certain to not look this time.

God only knew what the Twelfth Division guys were up to. Poor Nemu, Rangiku thought, she really needed a father who wasn't psycho.

Ukitake was mediating for Sentarou and Kiyone, while signing to Soi Fong. Rangiku quirked a brow, wondering what the talk was. When Hanataro (who apparently switched from playing message boy for Unohana and Zaraki to playing message boy for Ukitake and Soi) blushed, Rangiku understood. She knew those signs. Someone had a hot date tonight. From the looks of it, they'd be lucky to make it to a bed.

And, as for herself and Tōshirō… as long as he stayed sleeping with his head on her lap, she'd have plenty of time to finish his makeup and braiding his hair. Besides, she needed an excuse to spend the night, and a shower to help him wash up seemed a great excuse. She knew that's why he had allowed himself to sleep in the first place.

As she gazed about the room again, Rangiku mused to herself. No wonder the human race had never reached its full potential. They spent too damned much time in meetings.

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

Notes:  
(1): You went straight for "pedo-bear" Byakuya (as one reviewer puts it), didn't you? Shame, shame. Even if that was the intention. They could be drawing on the walls, or eating candy, blowing bubbles (I have a funny story for that if anyone wants to hear it, lol), anything besides paying attention and/or taking notes.

Hey, I don't judge you for being a perv. What kind of hypocrite do you think I am? 8-)


	33. Eyes On Me: Part One

**Title:** Eyes On Me – Part One  
**Date:** 4 December, 2009  
**Words:** 3207  
**Characters:** Rangiku, Tōshirō, Soi Fong, Juushiro, Unohana, Yumichika, Isane, and others mentioned throughout  
**Pairings:** Rangiku & Toshiro, Ukitake & Soi Fong, Yumichika & Isane, implied Unohana & Zaraki (if you know me well enough, it's implied, hahaha)  
**Summary:** Someone is in love, someone is in denial; the saying is "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." Hopefully Soi Fong can realize her fondness before it is too late.  
**Inspiration:** The song "Eyes On Me" by Faye Wong, from the FFVIII soundtrack.  
**Rating: **PG to PG-13, as of yet. No lemons/limes planned, but, who knows? Lol.

_**A/N: **__This is going to be a series of one-shots, sort of, featuring Ukitake and Soi Fong. It is based on each different verse/chorus of the song "Eyes On Me" by Faye Wong (from the FFVIII soundtrack)._

_The update is just to let everyone know I'm still alive. I did take Thanksgiving weekend off (I wanted to rewrite a lot of the next few chapters for One Night, One Lifetime anyway) and the next week my sis and her twin girls (who are a grand total of three months old) moved in with me. So, things really haven't left any room at all for updates. But, I promise to get back on that ASAP. In the meantime, please enjoy a couple of chapters!_

_Happy reading!  
-Rachel Noelle_

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

_I never sang my songs  
On the stage, on my own  
I never said my words  
Wishing they would be heard  
I saw you smiling at me  
Was it real or just my fantasy  
You'd always be there in the corner  
Of this tiny little bar_

Some of the ladies in the Shinigami Women's Association finally convinced her to start going out with them occasionally. For the first few nights she was wary, they'd never done something this… nice for her before. But that fifth night she went out, somehow Matsumoto convinced her to drink, which led to both of them being sloshed, and somehow, _somehow_, Matsumoto convinced her to sing karaoke.

Oh dear god. She'd never been more embarrassed in her life. She swore her revenge on Matsumoto the next day when, at the taicho meeting, she was getting some very funny stares. Only one of the other Taichos' looks seemed… off.

So, of course, in response she glared right back, quite unhappy that _he_ was looking at her like that.

After the meeting, Hitsugaya approached her, looking apologetic and embarrassed. "Erm, Soi Fong taicho?" he asked, almost shyly.

She had no time for games, she had a division to lead. And her troops were falling behind in their training schedule as the clock ticked by. "What?" she snapped, perhaps more peevish than she intended. If the hangover wasn't bad enough, she had had to suffer through the boring as hell meeting, and now the brat was stuttering around in front of her.

"I just wanted to say that, um, I'm terribly sorry I wasn't there last night. I knew I should have gone with Matsumoto, and it's my fault she dragged you into an… undesirable situation. I just want you to know that I intend to accompany her from here on out." Hitsugaya tried to offer some sort of apology and support.

Soi was, to say the least, floored. No one offered apologies or anything like that. Not to her, at least. Not without her demanding them. "Oh… uh, it's okay," she dumbly shook her head, trying to get everything straight and figure out just what had happened.

The week only got weirder from there.

Despite it all, she quite liked the idea of having friends, especially girlfriends to hang out with and chat about everything from boring paperwork to periods. It suddenly made her life ten times more bearable.

So naturally, and despite the coaxing to get to the karaoke machine previously, she agreed when Matsumoto sheepishly apologized and asked if she'd like to go out again the next evening.

"Though you do have such a lovely voice," Matsumoto complimented. "But, don't worry. Taicho's coming tonight so, you know, maybe he can keep me from saying something that I shouldn't." She smiled at the other woman, trying to be polite and cheerful.

Soi felt her cheeks pink up. That was uncharacteristic. "Erm, thanks." She tried to add a touch of her usual 'I don't give a damn' attitude, but by the way Matsumoto's grin grew, she guessed it probably didn't work.

That evening found Soi, Matsumoto, Hitsugaya (true to his word), Isane (a new recruit to Matsumoto's gang, just as Soi), and the group that originally hailed from the eleventh division, plus Hisagi and Kira seated at a table in a bar in Seireitei. This wasn't so terribly awkward, unless you counted the fact that Matsumoto and Hitsugaya kept making eyes at each other. The strange thing was the duo in the corner just across the way.

Actually, the duo itself wasn't unusual, as it happened to be none other than Kyoraku and Ukitake, but the fact that she was certain Ukitake kept looking to the large table the group occupied was the unusual bit. Soi was seated by Isane, and Ukitake's gaze kept traveling to their direction. She was certain that he must be looking at Isane, because who in their right mind would care to be looking at her?

When Matsumoto stood, declaring she was going for more to drink, she paused at the edge of the table by Soi's seat. "You know, Ukitake-san has been looking at you all evening. You should go and say hello." And before Soi could retort that Matsumoto was utterly and completely out of her mind, the other woman was gone (a not altogether unhappy Hitsugaya trailing behind her).

Soi absolutely refused to believe it. Even though all the other people currently sitting with her at the table seemed to notice it, too. "He was in here when you sang with Matsumoto," Isane leaned over to whisper, hoping she could encourage Soi to 'live a little,' "And he's been staring at you since. I think he's waiting for you to acknowledge him before he embarrasses you or something."

Soi stared at the healer as though she'd suddenly grown three heads. That was impossible. The great Casanova Ukitake didn't take to women like her. Actually, men usually took her… hero worship for Yoruichi for some sort of lesbian love and strayed away from her. And besides, she didn't want some notorious playboy chasing her. What good would that do her, to be wooed and left?

From the corner of her eye, Soi could see Matsumoto dancing up to the table Ukitake and Kyoraku sat at, an uncertain Hitsugaya trailing in her wake. Soi had a sudden image of a puppy following its master, somewhat cute and confused, but loyal no less. So, that's why he kept her around? For all of his complaints about her, he did see something in her, perhaps more deeply than any other man. Soi smiled widely to herself.

Isane caught the unusual sentiment on Soi's face and desperately tried not to stare or hang her mouth open. Isane managed to hide her surprise by the time Soi returned to facing the same direction.

Matsumoto mentioned that Ukitake bid hello to everyone when she returned to their table. Apparently she'd asked Ukitake and Kyoraku to join, but they politely declined due to seating availability. Matsumoto, of course, declared he didn't want to upset Soi. Soi's cheeks and ears went pink again, but she tried to act as though she didn't notice anything.

When she made it home that night, happily buzzed but not sloshed, Soi fell onto her bed, unable to get the thought of Ukitake Juushiro out of her mind. She had no clue what was happening to her, why she was suddenly unable to stop thinking about the more mature of the two white haired taichos, but she couldn't fully say she didn't like it.

When she finally drifted into sleep, Soi dreamed a string of small dreams, mostly memories of every time Juushiro looked her way, each time he stared at her from across the bar, the conversations he'd forced between them the last few weeks. When she woke she went immediately to Unohana, thinking she must be sick.

Unohana just smiled and assured Soi she was, indeed, not sick before telling Soi to just get some rest. She'd have told the poor young woman her verdict, but, she felt Soi needed to work it out for herself. Or, she'd probably eventually give in and ask some of the other female friends she'd made.

Soi went about her regular duties, spending a majority of her time trying to shove the idea of Juushiro (when did she even start referring to him like that?) to the back of her mind.

For the next month, where she was, so was he. Always watching her.

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo **

_My last night here for you  
Same old songs, just once more  
My last night here with you?  
Maybe yes, maybe no  
I kind of liked it your way  
How you shyly placed your eyes on me  
Did you ever know?  
That I had mine on you_

About a month later Soi thought she'd overcome her unusual problem with Juushiro constantly being on her mind. Until he didn't show up at the club she and her friends frequented.

She sat at the usual table with the usual gang, unable to concentrate on the slightest bit of the conversation because she was worried about Juushiro. Where was he? Had he fallen ill? He made it to the meeting earlier in the day, but maybe he'd become too sick to accompany Kyouraku out? Or was he out with another woman somewhere? Soi quickly forced herself to shove the jealousy accompanying that thought aside.

Matsumoto and Isane noticed the worried look on Soi's face, and turned concerned faces to the other woman.

"Soi Fong-san? Is something wrong?" Isane asked. She, for one, enjoyed the casual setting and company of the other woman. Who would have guessed previously that Soi was such a friendly person beneath it all? Well, perhaps friendly was too loose a term, but, definitely much kinder once you got to know her.

Soi looked confusedly to Isane, trying to register what the other woman had asked. "Hmm? Oh, no, nothing's wrong." She finally managed a weak reply.

"She's worried about Ukitake-san," Soi heard Matsumoto whisper to Isane. Isane's face lit with realization.

"I am not," Soi defended sharply, a blush uncontrollably creeping onto her cheeks and ears.

"Of course not," Matsumoto responded with a disbelieving tone.

Soi stood abruptly and stalked off to the bar. Yes, she was curious as to why he hadn't shown, as had become his custom. But, she wasn't worried. Right? She wondered if her zanpakuto would have any consolation to offer, but Suzubimaki wasn't exactly one for unnecessary chatter. Soi sighed to herself and ordered another drink, still inattentive to the immediate surroundings.

Some minutes later Soi finally made it back to the table, and resumed her seat. Where she had previously been seated beside Isane, now Yumichika sat, with Isane one seat down. Yumichika was chattering on about some new hair product, and how it would make Isane's hair shine brighter than it already did, so Soi found it easy enough to focus her thoughts elsewhere.

Who did a woman go about speaking with on matters of the… heart? She felt incredibly silly even imagining speaking with Isane, or even Matsumoto. Maybe she could schedule a counseling appointment with Unohana? But, how many people were bound to be desperate enough to do something like that? Unohana would just worry for her sanity, thinking she had nothing of a friend anywhere.

After much deliberation, and trying to decide if she should contact Yoruichi for something like this, or if the other woman would just laugh her ass off, Soi decided just to brave it with Isane. At least Isane was with the Fourth Division, and maybe she wouldn't go spilling Soi's worries all over Seireitei.

Not that she had much to worry with Matsumoto anymore. Since Hitsugaya had become a regular at the bar with them (she never would figure out how Matsumoto convinced him to do that) Matsumoto was pretty well behaved. In the sense that she wasn't such a gossiper anymore, at least with Hitsugaya around.

But, Isane it was. What if she was getting sick mentally? Perhaps Isane could tell her.

When the small group went their separate ways that evening, Soi pulled a tipsy Isane away from Yumichika, and scheduled for the healer to drop by her office the next day. She watched the two walk off together, wondering if what they had was contagious, and if it really did make one stupid. If so, she didn't want any of it.

So, when Soi woke the next morning with worry still sitting in the pit of her stomach and a crick in her neck, she simply knew it would be a bad day. And when Isane was an hour late for their appointment, because she'd been 'visiting' with Yumichika, Soi's suspicions of a bad day were confirmed.

"I am so sorry, Soi Fong taicho," Isane began as soon as she arrived. "I was visiting with Yumichika-san and I lost track of the time. The eleventh division barracks don't have any clocks, ma'am."

"It's fine," Soi quickly dismissed the tardy and bid Isane to have a seat.

"Soi Fong taicho, how can I help you?" Isane asked after a beat of silence.

Soi nervously began speaking about her symptoms, hoping Isane could help identify them. She told the healer of her inability to sleep some nights, with Juushiro heavy on her mind, the trouble she had concentrating whenever she was in a meeting and he had to miss, or, when she was in a meeting and he was there. Soi finally managed to spill about her troubles at the bar the previous night.

"Can you tell me what his birthday is?" Isane asked, voice that of her usual, professional self.

"December 21," Soi replied, not even thinking. She looked surprised at herself. How did she know that? Sure, she had access to all of the information files for all of the Gotei 13 members, but that didn't seem something she'd commit to memory.

"And how do you know this?" Isane questioned Soi again.

"Last week, when we were leaving First Division meeting hall, he walked with me to the gates of my division. Why?" Soi was incredibly confused. She just knew she was sick. Something she happened to catch had made her mind ill.

"Erm, well… Soi Fong taicho, I'd suggest you speak with Matsumoto fukutaicho. She's very helpful with this. In fact, I think she's helped just about all of the members of the SWA, including Unohana taicho. Perhaps I can schedule you an appointment with her?" Isane desperately wanted to help Soi, but Matsumoto was the resident expert in affairs of the heart.

Soi Fong was confused tenfold. "Why would I want to see her? Am I not sick?" Soi asked.

Isane smiled kindly and shook her head lightly. "Some might refer to it as sick, but it certainly isn't a mental instability. It sounds more to me like lovesickness."

Soi scoffed. Isane recognized the signs of denial, still smiling softly. "Love is for fools," Soi muttered. Isane simply shrugged.

"I believe it all depends on whom you ask. But, if that is everything you require of me, I ask to take my leave," Isane bid Soi goodbye, still smiling. "Though, I do recommend you speak with Matsumoto-san."

Another week passed with no Juushiro. There had (amazingly) been no meetings called, so Soi could not know if he was sick or out on a mission, or anything else he might be occupied with. She comforted herself with the thought that at least if he'd died, everyone would know about it.

Finally, the next Friday afternoon, Soi hunted down Matsumoto. Hitsugaya looked worried when the Second Division taicho stepped into his office, and twice so when she requested an audience with his fukutaicho.

Hitsugaya directed Soi to have a seat on the sofa while he sent for Matsumoto. Matsumoto was out buying new brushes and ink, and should be back soon, but Hitsugaya and Soi both knew of the buxom vice's reputation with such tasks.

Luckily for Soi's nerves she was only forced to wait on Matsumoto for a few short minutes. In the meantime Hitsugaya kept trying to decipher Soi's cryptic reasons for seeking Matsumoto out, and trying to apologize if she had done something… unintelligent again. He knew Matsumoto knew better, but he still felt terrible about the karaoke thing.

When Matsumoto returned, Soi requested her presence in the Second Division office, as she wanted a private audience. She felt incredibly silly and immature for even thinking she needed help, but, if Isane said Matsumoto was the woman for the job, Isane must have been right. At least Soi hoped the healer hadn't lied.

When the two women were safely behind closed doors, Soi finally let Matsumoto in on the big secret. Matsumoto's grin grew wider and wider as Soi recounted her 'problems' the same way she'd told Isane.

Matsumoto looked contemplative momentarily before asking, "I forget. What color are Ukitake-san's eyes? I was discussing it with Rukia-chan, and we couldn't remember."

"They're brown. Why?" Soi answered, not thinking of the fact that she even responded to Matsumoto's query.

Matsumoto grinned the widest Soi had seen yet. "I knew it. You're in _love_," Matsumoto sang the last word, looking excited and ready to cheer for Soi. In lieu of cheering, Matsumoto stood and grabbed the smaller woman in a bone-crushing hug. "You need to go visit him. He's been ill. I don't think it's been too bad, but he hasn't felt like leaving his rooms. I'm sure he'd like some company from the woman he's been watching for over a month now."

Matsumoto gave her command to a stunned Soi and traipsed out the door, muttering something about paperwork. Soi ignored her, trying to gather her own thoughts instead.

So, why would something like this suddenly happen to her? What had she done to inflict this ailment upon herself? Hearts were fickle, useless things after all. Her heart, which she'd sworn only to dedicating her life to the service of Yoruichi had betrayed her. It broke her promise to herself to never let another person affect her in such a way that it made rationality look stupid. She was a logical person, and love and logic did not belong together.

Soi wasn't sure who was more surprised she showed, herself or Kiyone. When Soi marched up to the doors of the Thirteenth Division, repeatedly telling herself she was simply here to inquire to his health, because she was worried about her fellow commanding officers (which she knew was a lie, but, she refused to believe the truth), Kiyone and Sentarou actually ceased fighting and directed her to Juushiro's quarter's.

Unlike the mazes that made up the Twelfth and Second Divisions, the Thirteenth was quite easy to navigate. Soi found Juushiro's door quickly enough, taking a moment to admire his pond and gather her courage to knock on the door. He must have sensed her, for Juushiro opened the door as Soi was still standing, staring at a lily pad.

"Er, Soi Fong-san, how can I help you today? You'll have to pardon my appearance, I've only just awoken from my nap," Juushiro greeted politely, and extended an invitation inside. Soi nervously stepped around him.

The room was relatively small, nothing like her own quarters. She could see doors leading to a small bathroom, kitchen, and what she presumed was the bedroom. Juushiro bade her take a seat on a tiny sofa as he shuffled off to gather a teapot and cups. The tea was nice, but Soi wished she had a few shots of sake in her to help the abnormal nerves.

"It's a pleasant turn of events to be surprised with such a visitor. Most often it is only Kiyone and Sentarou for company, and their quarreling makes one weary after too long," Juushiro tried to make conversation, sensing Soi was uncomfortable with the situation.

"Oh, I suppose," was all the response Soi offered. Juushiro cast about his mind for a topic, nothing really seeming to appeal to him. There wasn't much by way of meetings or work to discuss, and he felt he should be opening a conversation with something more than the weather. How many years had they known one another, after all?

"I just decided to come by… because…" Soi stopped mid-sentence. Why had she stopped by? To ask of his condition, yes, but, that was not in her character to do. She wasn't going to confess her undying love, was she? Of course not. She wasn't in love with him. Even if both Isane and Matsumoto declared she was. But, was she ready to admit that she noticed he hadn't been at the bar lately?

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

**A/N: **So, I was just looking, and I totally screwed up the character list on the last chapter. Oops. I'll get it fixed. In the meantime, please ignore it. 8-)


	34. Breaking Up

**Title:** Breaking Up  
**Date:** 13 December, 2009  
**Words:** 926  
**Characters:** Rangiku, Gin, Tōshirō, Aizen; mentioned Renji, Shuuhei, Unohana, Zaraki, Yamamoto, Haineko, Hyourinmaru  
**Pairings:** Rangiku & Toshiro, Gin & Aizen, implied Renji & Shuuhei and Zaraki & Unohana.  
**Summary:** How long does it take to get your best friend to admit to something you've known for longer than they have?  
**Inspiration:** No idea. Just something to pass the time and hopefully inspire the muse.  
**Rating: **PG

_**A/N: **__Another random update. I hope to get more updated soon. But I make no promises. My birthday is this coming weekend, and then Christmas the next weekend, so no promises until after. If I don't see you again (so to say) have a great holiday season. And, Happy Birthday to me and Shiro. Lol. _

_Enjoy! Please review if you find it worthwhile!  
-Rachel Noelle_

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

"Ran-chan, I got sum'thin ta tell ya."

"Yes, Gin?"

"I'm breakin' up wit' ya."

"Huh? We're not even together."

"Well, uh, I guess I mean, uh, well… I can't see ya no more."

"What do you mean? Taicho is okay with us still being friends."

"I know that. It's just that… Sousuke don't really like meh hangin' out wit' ya too much."

"Aizen? Why would he care?"

"Well, since there were some changes, what wit' the war and all…"

"There definitely have been some changes. But, what does that have to do with anything? Why can I not hang out with my best friend?"

"Cause, well, he's... I dunno. Worried."

"Worried about what?"

"Well, yer a pretty girl and all, and ya know how ta, how would ya say… work what ya momma gave ya. And, well, he's worried about that."

"Why does Aizen care if you're attracted to me?"

"Cause."

"Cause? What kind of answer is that?"

"An answer."

"Hardly."

"Well, it is an answer."

"I suppose. But it doesn't mean I think it should count."

"Does it, though? Even if ya don't think it should?"

"I suppose. But I want an elaboration."

"Erm…"

"Gin, are you… _nervous_?"

"What? No. Course not."

"Then why are you all sweaty and stuff? And you're shaking so much it looks like you've gone into shock."

"I'm always like that."

"No, you're not. You're nervous."

"Nah. Nonsense, Ran-chan."

"You used to be a much better liar, too."

"My lyin' has kinda gone downhill, ain't it?"

"Indeed, it has."

"Guess I'll have to work on that some more."

"Why bother? I like you quite well this way. That little kidou that Unohana came up with is pretty handy."

"I still don't like her."

"Ah, why not?"

"She's freakin' scary as hell."

"Scary? How on earth could you think that?"

"Has she ever come after ya with that seven foot needle, all full of medicine? Actually, it's prob'ly poison."

"I have never in my life seen a seven foot needle. You're making things up. And the last time I went with you to a doctor visit, she only gave you a flu shot, and the needle couldn't have been more than a few inches long."

"Well, it felt a hell of a lot bigger."

"Oh, Gin. I may never understand."

"Well, even Yamamoto is scared of her."

"Yes, but he has good reason. And you know it. Zaraki threatened to kill him if he heard anything inappropriate about his next physical."

"Yeah, I guess."

"So, why are you here?"

"Eh, well, ya know…"

"No, I don't."

"I told ya I couldn't see ya no more."

"Yes, and I want to know why, and why Aizen cares if you see me or not."

"I can't really tell ya that."

"Gin, spit it out or I will have Haineko at your throat so quickly you'll be dead before you can scream."

"Erm, right. Okay. Put the sword down, Ran-chan… Hey, that's not Haineko."

"Hmm? Oh, so it's not. It's Hyourinmaru. That's funny. Wonder if Toshiro has Haineko, then?"

"Whooo. At least ya can't do nothing with someone else's zanpakuto."

"Sure, I can't call him. But I can still use him to cut you. He is sharpened. Oh, hey. That's why I have him. I was sharpening the blade earlier."

"_Run!! Hollow on the loose!! And someone find my damned sword!! The cat refuses to do anything!!"_

"Ooops. Guess he'll be needing this. But first, you tell me everything I want to know, Gin."

"I can't."

"Yes, you can."

"No, I can't."

"But, you can. And you have to."

"But, Ran-chan, if Sousuke finds out he'll…."

"He'll what?"

"He'll start… on meh."

"Speak a little louder, Gin."

"Will ya at least move the sword?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Sorry, ehehehe."

"Aizen'll… hold out on meh."

"Hold out? What are you talking about? Are you trying to devise another war?"

"Huh?! No! I mean, ya know…"

"No, no. I'm quite sure I don't have a clue."

"Ran, are ya really gonna make meh say it?"

"Whatever it is, yes."

"A'right, fine. He's afraid you'll make meh change my mind."

"About what?"

"Well, ya know."

"Gin, the quicker you tell me, the sooner you can leave, and the sooner Toshiro gets his sword back to kill the hollow looming overhead. It looks like he thinks you might be rather tasty."

"Sousuke's afraid you'll make me, you know…"

"Is he afraid I'm going to break you up?"

"Wha? How did ya know? Who told ya?"

"No one told me. It's rather obvious, really. Even Ichigo figured it out quite quickly."

"That obvious, huh?"

"Yep. But we can still hang out. I hang out with Renji and Shuuhei still. Besides, I'm with Toshiro. I have someone to take care of my needs. I just want to be friends with you."

"How long have ya known?"

"Since when we were young and you didn't mind kissing me and whatnot, but if the making out got too hot and heavy, you got more nervous than you should have. I mean, way more nervous."

"Really? Huh. Who'd have ever thunk."

"Congratulations, Gin. You go and have fun with your boyfriend. And tell him not to worry. You'll be just fine."

"A'right, Ran-chan. I will. Meh and Sousuke got some… chattin' ta do."

"Oh, I love the way you say 'Sousuke,' Gin."

"Hey! Just because I'm glad that the two of you have found your soul mates does not mean I want to see the behind the scenes action. Go to your rooms!"


	35. Ice Cream

**Title:** Ice Cream  
**Date:** 1 February, 2010  
**Words: **535  
**Characters:** Rangiku, Toshiro, Gin; mentioned Aizen, Haineko, Hyourinmaru  
**Pairings:** Rangiku & Toshiro, Gin & Aizen  
**Summary:** When Toshiro's bad day finally drives him over the edge, what are they going to do with all the snow?  
**Inspiration:** All the snow we've had. And yes, that 3-4 inches is a freaking lot for where I live.  
**Rating: **PG

_**A/N: **Not as funny as my usual stuff, but it should make up for it in cuteness. 8-) _

_Enjoy! Please review if you find it worthwhile!  
-Rachel Noelle_

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

Gin was walking toward the Tenth to visit with Rangiku, and hopefully get some advice for his latest argument with Aizen. As he walked he noticed the temperature dropping, and dropping, and dropping a little more. He could tell very little from outside the gates, and when he knocked on the office door he still did not understand the sudden change of temperature.

Sure, the Tenth was always a few degrees cooler, but such a sever drop from the warm summer day they had been having seemed more dramatic (and weird) than usual.

Gin knocked several times, getting no answer, and decided to let himself in. noticing no one around, he made his way toward the back of the office and onto the division grounds. As he stepped into the training arena, he discovered why it was so blasted cold.

"Erm, 'Gaya? Ran-chan?" Gin ventured.

Toshiro and Rangiku were looking from one another to the ground, staring at the mess. After a tense silence both faced one another and spoke at the same time.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

Toshiro sighed and Rangiku carried on. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize things had been so bad today. What happened?"

"No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have let Hyourinmaru get out of control like this. And to think Haineko is fond of him…" Toshiro sighed bemusedly. Rangiku chuckled softly.

"Erm," Gin tried again. "Wha' happened here?"

Toshiro, only just noticing Gin's presence, turned to him. "What do you mean?"

Gin pointed to the ground covered in several inches of snow. Toshiro and Rangiku blushed. "Hehe, sorry, Gin. We sort of let things get out of hand…"

"Ah, I see. S'no problem ta meh. But whatcha gonna do with all this snow?" Gin asked. Toshiro momentarily thought he might be able to like Gin after all. His rehabilitation was coming along so well. Though he did wish dearly that he and Rangiku would not have been in charge of Gin's therapy sessions.

The three shinigami stood together with identical looks of concentration on their faces. After a few moments no one had anything good.

"Guess we'll just wait til it melts," Rangiku offered. Toshiro nor Gin had a better idea.

The trio headed for the exit. Just as they approached the large arena doors Rangiku stopped with a squeal.

"I know! Let's make ice cream!" Both men turned to her with affronted looks. Rangiku rolled her eyes. "It's better than it sounds. I remember it from once when we were kids, Gin. Don't you remember the old lady showing us how to turn snow into something fun besides snowballs and snowmen?"

"Maybe?" Gin responded.

"Oh, come on. I'll show you. But we need to get to a market first."

oOoOo

"Get yer homemade ice cream fer just twenty-five cents!" Gin shouted along the streets of Seireitei. "Homemade ice cream right here!"

"You know, Rangiku, this is pretty decent. Not too sweet, and enough flavor that it doesn't just taste like ice," Toshiro gave Rangiku a quick peck on the cheek.

"Ah, taicho, you're too adorable!" Rangiku squealed. "At least we'll make some decent money. Think of all the clothes I can buy with what we've made already…"

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

_**A/N:** Yes, there is such a thing as snow ice cream. Maybe my family is just weird, but it's super good. 8-)_

You need:  
about **10 to 12** **cups of fresh, clean snow** (make sure it's clean)  
**one** **16 oz can of sweetened condensed** (or evaporated) milk and  
a **few (about 3) tablespoons vanilla**. (More or less of all these to taste, and serving size).

You just mix it all together in a large bowl, and viola, you've just made ice cream!! If you live somewhere that it doesn't snow, shaved ice works as well. Please don't feed this to very young children, or anyone with a weak immune system. You are still getting your main ingredient from the outdoors, and there's no way to sterilize it.

Enjoy!


	36. Bathroom

**Title:** Bathroom  
**Date:** 21 February, 2010  
**Words:** 590  
**Characters:** Rangiku, Gin, female OC; mentioned Toshiro, Aizen  
**Pairings:** Rangiku & Toshiro, Gin & Aizen  
**Summary:** Why is it that there's never a bathroom around when you seriously need to go?  
**Inspiration:** My own bad luck with needing a bathroom when I'm in the middle of BFE.  
**Rating: **PG

_**A/N:**__ Just a little something based on my own miserable experiences, except I wasn't with Gin. Lol. I imagine that most all of you ladies can relate. Besides, don't you ever wonder why no one ever talks about needing to pee? I mean, you read a book or watch a movie, and none of the characters ever say, "Sure, I'd love to go on that adventure with you, but I have __**GOT**__ to pee first!"_

_Also, about the **recipe last chapter**, I forgot to mention to **add about half a cup of sugar**!!! So sorry!!_

_Enjoy!  
-Rachel Noelle_

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

Why did it seem like anytime she had to pee every other female in the whole Gotei 13 had to pee at the same time? Or she could never find a bathroom, because heaven forbid she be in her own quarters, or even Toshiro's or close to a friend's. Instead, she was always halfway across the city.

Today, though, possibly topped every past experience.

She was stuck, with only gin for company, in the Thirty-First District of Rukongai. This district played host to a decent plethora of amenities, not nearly as good as the lowest numbered districts, but enough to make living there comfortable. However, apparently these people didn't believe in public restrooms. Anywhere.

"Ugh, why does this always happen to me?" Rangiku bemoaned. "Gin? Where did you go?" Rangiku called out to her ward, wondering where he'd disappeared off to. The threat that anyone breaking his reiatsu lock would trigger Aizen's instant gruesome death had been a good enough threat to keep him in line.

"I'm right here, Ran-chan," Gin replied, stepping up to her. "And, I found ya a bathroom ova there." Gin pointed to a grimy looking building just a few paces up the road.

Rangiku grimaced. "Well, I hope I brought my sanitizer… because it'll have to work."

They trekked to the small building only to find the door locked tight. "Oh… no, no, no!" Rangiku whined. Gin looked genuinely sympathetic.

"I'll go see if I can find ya a key," he offered, looking around and setting off in the most likely direction of anyone who might be able to help.

After a few seconds a traveler happened along Rangiku and stood to watch her amusedly. "Rather a creative 'potty dance' you have there," the lady commented.

Rangiku tried to smile and look somewhat embarrassed. At the moment she was far too miserable to care. "Do you happen to know who might have a key?" she motioned to the door.

"Huh? Oh! Yes. The man in the shop to your left keeps that… facility in order," the lady looked repulsed at the idea of the bathroom. "There's a clean public restroom about three blocks ahead. If you can use shunpo, you should be able to make it in just a few seconds. It's a bright pink building. Can't miss it," the lady spoke and disappeared into the cloud of dust Rangiku left behind.

The pink building stood out exactly like the lady said. Rangiku pushed open the door and was pleasantly surprised, and dearly relieved, to find a clean restroom. A few minutes later she emerged from the building with a happy sigh, still drying her hands. Now she just had to find Gin and they could get back to their assignment.

She strolled the few blocks back to where she last saw Gin and found him waiting. He gave a silly smile when she walked up. "Sorreh, the old guy said it's outta order."

"Oh, that's okay. A nice lady came by and gave me directions. It's all better now," Rangiku smiled to Gin.

The duo left to complete their mission, gathering data on the location of public restrooms in Rukongai for the SWA. Just as they made it into the 52nd district Gin grimaced and called for Rangiku to pause.

"I gotta find a bathroom," Gin whispered loudly.

Rangiku rolled her eyes. "You can just use a tree or a bush."

"But there ain't any, Ran-chan," Gin whined. Rangiku looked around and sighed in defeat.

At least she wasn't the miserable one this time.


	37. Catching Up

**Title:** Catching Up  
**Date:** 22 February, 2010  
**Words:** 1176  
**Characters:** Toshiro, Kusaka, Rangiku; mentioned Hinamori, Kira, Gin, Aizen, Yamamoto, Kurotsuchi, Ukitake, Kyouraku, Rukia, Ichigo, Isshin & family, and others  
**Pairings:** Rangiku & Toshiro, Gin & Aizen, Kusaka & Hinamori, Kira & Hinamori, hints of Gin & Kira, implied Ichigo & Rukia  
**Summary:** Hitsugaya runs into Kusaka in an abandoned warehouse somewhere in Karakura, and things take a turn for the… better?  
**Inspiration:** Just because some silly creator somewhere said so, why do I have to listen? My version of how DDR should have played out.  
**Rating: **PG-13, for some content

_**A/N: **__I took things into my own hands and fixed some things. I mean, why can't the guys who write and direct these movies throw a wrench into things like this? Seriously, spice up our lives! _

_If you haven't seen DDR, then __**shame on you**__!! Hahaha. This is set just after Hitsugaya comes across Kusaka in the warehouse in the Living World, and before Kusaka transports them to Soul Society. Obviously, since I'm writing it, it doesn't stay with the storyline after that. 8-) Lots of OOC and canon destruction ahead!! _

_Thanks for reading and reviewing! I'd not have a reason to write if it weren't for everyone who reads and reviews my fics!  
-Rachel Noelle_

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

"Leave Hinamori out of this," Hitsugaya snarled.

"Oh, yes, your dear Hinamori-chan, bed-wetter Momo. Of course you'd want her to be all okay and everything," Kusaka retorted.

Hitsugaya looked surprised for a moment before remembering that his friend had died before all of the changes in Soul Society. "Well, no, I don't really want her killed. But, maybe you could, I dunno, take her with you? She's really been in a bad way since Aizen defected."

"Aizen? The Aizen-taicho everyone loved?" Kusaka was shocked. Hitsugaya nodded. "Really? Wow. When did that happen?"

Hitsugaya shrugged. "About… 15 months ago now? I'd have to ask Matsumoto, but I hate to, since it's kind of a sore subject with her."

"Matsumoto? The blonde haired babe from Tenth?" Kusaka asked. Hitsugaya bristled, not enjoying the tone of voice Kusaka used.

"I suppose that would be the one," Hitsugaya stated with a clipped tone.

"What's the deal, man? I know you always thought she was gorgeous, too. Unless…" Kusaka's mouth dropped open. "Oh-ho-ho. I get it. Way to go, Shiro!" Kusaka laughed aloud and slapped Hitsugaya heartily on the back. "Never imagined a shrimp like you could snatch a chick like that. Congratulations."

Hitsugaya blushed lightly, responding with an embarrassed, "Uh, thanks."

"So, what else has happened since I've been gone?" Kusaka asked, genuinely curious now.

"Well, I finally got the taicho job, in Tenth. Hinamori landed a position as fukutaicho in Fifth, under Aizen. Matsumoto actually works for me, now, hehe… Really, that's about it until around a year ago now. You remember Kurosaki taicho?" Hitsugaya asked. Kusaka nodded. "Apparently, instead of being killed, he lost his shinigami powers for a while. He got married to some woman in the Living World, and had a few kids."

"Wow. I never would have guessed. He's almost as much of a skirt chaser as Kyouraku and Ukitake," Kusaka muttered.

"I know. He's got two daughters; one of them is so kind and friendly it's almost nauseating, and the other would just as soon kick your ass as look at you. At their worst, anyway. Usually they aren't too terrible. But it's his son no one could believe."

"Really?" Kusaka queried again.

"Yeah," Hitsugaya responded, continuing with, "He broke into Soul Society to save Kuchiki Rukia. Perfect little boyfriend. He isn't a shinigami by usual standards, but he's got so much reiatsu he can break most of our barriers without even trying. After he rescued Kuchiki is when everything blew up. Aizen left Soul Society for Hueco Mundo, and took Ichimaru and Tousen with him. Not a great loss for Tousen, but Ichimaru was quite crafty. And the damn bastard broke Rangiku's heart… Then we captured them, and Rangiku volunteered the two of us to be Ichimaru's _counselors_…" Hitsugaya trailed off, leaving Kusaka to guess the rest of the details.

"Huh," Kusaka stated after a moment. "I'm surprised I haven't run into him. Any of them, actually."

"Eh, well, I guess Hueco Mundo is rather large. Quite difficult to run into anyone by accident. It took us three weeks just to find the vague, general direction of Aizen's castle," Hitsugaya agreed.

"Well, if I do, I'll kill the two. I'll leave Ichimaru for you, since you've obviously got it in for him," Kusaka laughed.

"I'd love to let you kill him, and save me some trouble," Hitsugaya offered, "But, Rangiku would not be happy about that. They're still friends, and it's actually not so bad, now that he's openly with Aizen and all. And, seriously, how about you take Hinamori with you? She was always rather fond of you. Of course, you may need to take Kira, as well. He's rather fond of Hinamori as well as Ichimaru, so he may have to spend every other weekend with you or something."

"Hmm, I could use a good female opposite. You know, for the lead antagonist and all. Since our protagonist obviously already has a lead female."

"I will warn you just once, Kusaka, old friend. If you so much as look at Matsumoto wrong, I will kill you," Hitsugaya growled.

"Noted. So, where can I find Hinamori? She isn't totally nutty, is she?" Kusaka asked.

"Back in Seireitei. She's probably with Kira or Hisagi somewhere."

"Huh. So, what do we do about our little problem with the King's Seal and all?" Kusaka worried.

"Well… we could always just pin it on Aizen or Ichimaru. Even though they've been in custody for three months, and the rehab is really coming along… Hmm… Is there anyone else you want to get back at?" Hitsugaya replied.

Kusaka put a hand to his chin in thought. "I dunno… Besides the old man, but that would be next to impossible. Actually…" Hitsugaya looked excitedly to Kusaka, "Why don't we pin this on that whack-job from Twelfth, Kurotsuchi. We've been trying to get him out of the picture since we were in the Academy."

Hitsugaya nodded slowly, thoughtfully. "I like it. And, even better, no one will care. Besides, who is Yamamoto gonna believe? Us or that nutter?" The teens shared a laugh, happy to have a new plan of attack.

"Now, the only issues are Hyourinmaru and Central 46," Kusaka stated a moment later.

"Well, Aizen did take care of Central 46, wiped them all out. Gotta say I appreciated that," Hitsugaya offered. "As for Hyourinmaru, he's far too involved with Haineko for me to let you have him, he'd kill us both. But I have heard of these new, refined Bakoutou. The twelfth remade them, kind of like putting a soul candy into your zanpakuto. I imagine Hyourinmaru would be okay with that…"

Kusaka nodded then extended his hand to Hitsugaya. "Sounds like a plan. Let's get this started, shall we?"

Hitsugaya and Kusaka headed back to Soul Society, laid a trap for Kurotsuchi, and presented their 'evidence' before Yamamoto and the Second Division. Of course, Yamamoto believed their story, but with Kurotsuchi's recent advances in shinigami warfare sentenced him only to be relieved of his taicho duties and forced to retire on a remote island somewhere.

Kusaka and Kira were given joint custody of Hinamori, per her decision, and she was one or the other's girlfriend for a week at a time. Both males handled it well, as Kira had a Division to maintain and Kusaka still lived in Hueco Mundo most of the time.

After calming down a quarrel between Gin and Aizen, Aizen threatening to force Gin to sleep on the sofa for a month for trying to gain custody of Kira, our hero and his girlfriend returned to their home for some downtime.

"Well, that worked out nicely, eh, Taicho?" Matsumoto said, looking at the pictures on the coffee table. "We have Gin and Aizen back, you've got your best friend back, Kira and Hinamori are happy, no one's trying to take over the world, Kurotsuchi got a good retirement, and the missing taicho positions have been filled. Good work."

"Yes, indeed." Hitsugaya sighed, "I'm so tired of having to save the world…"


	38. Personal

**Title:** Personal  
**Date:** 21 March, 2010  
**Words:** 1210  
**Characters:** Toshiro, Rangiku, Gin; mentioned Aizen, Renji, Hisagi  
**Pairings:** Rangiku & Tōshirō; implied Gin & Aizen, Renji & Hisagi  
**Summary:** Rangiku has some pictures and a curious mood. How long can Tōshirō stand it?  
**Inspiration:** Um… nothing particular for this, really.  
**Rating: **PG

_**A/N:**__ First, I am shamelessly promoting my new Bleach/Harry Potter crossover, called __**"Harry Potter and the Wizards of Dissolution."**__ Go check it out!_

_Second, I/we are __**looking for a name for a HitsuMatsu fansite**__! (We've had some suggestions, and a special thanks to those offered!!) We want the name somewhat vague, but still alluding to the Tenth Division leaders. (The vagueness is so that we can post fics/art for other fandoms.) You can let me know if you have suggestions by email, review, or private message. _

_A big thank you to everyone for reading!__  
-Rachel Noelle_

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

Matsumoto walked into the Tenth Division office, carrying an envelope. She walked over to her desk and pulled a few sheets from her stack of paperwork. After completing a handful, she reached for yet another, glancing a few times to her envelope.

Tōshirō barely believed his eyes. If someone else described the scene before him he would scoff and call them crazy.

Not that Rangiku _never_ did her paperwork, but she never did it so casually and without complaint.

Rangiku stood and stretched then walked into the kitchen for a cup of tea, leaving the envelope unattended. Tōshirō noticed this.

She returned quickly and sat down. Taking a few minutes, she opening the envelope and pulled out what appeared to be pictures. She leaved through them smiling happily to herself.

Tōshirō could contain his curiosity no longer. "What's that?" he asked, indicating the envelope with one hand.

"Pictures," came her short and simple reply. He nodded. Of course, that's what they looked like. Pictures.

Rangiku settled back into work, finishing the small stack of papers on her desk. She walked to Tōshirō's desk and grabbed a handful more. Tōshirō tried vainly to close his mouth.

Again she sat and leafed through the pictures, seeming to sort them out some. Tōshirō broke down and asked, "What are they of?"

"It's personal," she replied. "You wouldn't want to see them."

"Um, right. Probably not." Rangiku was a woman of words, and the short answers worried Tōshirō. He cast that thought aside, assuming she was simply feeling unlike her usual self today.

Rangiku returned to work, casually sipping her tea. Tōshirō quickly returned to his work, trying not to worry about whatever Rangiku had.

This time when Rangiku stood, she walked to the restroom, leaving the envelope opened and in full view of Tōshirō's desk. Like any good gentleman, he ignored the things. The pictured were face down, anyway.

Rangiku walked back into the office, picked up her teacup and his, and walked into the kitchen. She came back with two cups of tea and sat his on his desk before taking another handful of papers and resuming her prior task.

Halfway through the papers she looked up as though she only just remembered something. Taking the pictures from the envelope again, she shuffled them around, looking them over for any imperfections. She flicked what was probably a speck of dust from one and slid it back in with the rest. She tucked the pictures back into the envelope and started working again.

Tōshirō stared at her, baffled. "What sort of… personal?" he inquired.

"Oh, you know. Things you don't enjoy doing," she replied, supplying a few more words.

Some time later she stood and stretched. "Well, taichō, I promised Renji and Shuuhei I'd meet them for a late lunch. They want my help planning something. I'll be back in about an hour." Rangiku walked from the office door, leaving behind and astonished Tōshirō and her envelope of pictures.

Tōshirō eyed the pictures, convinced himself that he did not need to know what they were of, and tried to get back to his own work.

Five minutes later he caught himself staring that direction again. Just one quick look couldn't hurt, could it? Yes, he told himself. Besides, there was still work left.

Another five minutes and the stack of papers on his desk had dwindled down to a mere few. He eyed the pictures, shook his head at himself for being so nosy, and finished those papers off.

He spent the next five twiddling his thumbs. And the next ten working a crossword puzzle. Another ten he spent on two sudoku puzzles. Finally caving in after ten more minutes of rereading paperwork he had reread once already, he decided that just one look really couldn't hurt.

Maybe the pictures were of Rangiku and Gin when they were younger. That would make it personal. Or had she and Orihime taken a slew of pictures on their shopping trip again? That would be something he wasn't interested in doing.

Tōshirō took a deep breath and walked to Rangiku's desk, cautiously looking around as he reached out a hand to take the photos. He picked up the envelope, committing the exact location to his memory so that he could replace it properly.

Normally he didn't worry too much about Rangiku returning exactly when she said, but with her mood today it was a top concern.

Very carefully he opened the envelope and took the pictures out. The first few were of Rangiku and some of her friends shopping and eating out. Then came the pictures of Rangiku by herself. She was posing happily for the camera. Tōshirō flipped another picture.

Now she was loosening her obi and throwing away her scarf with it. The next she had removed the obi and scarf completely. Tōshirō flipped another picture. Her top gaped open wider than usual, exposing her lower stomach.

Tōshirō felt himself growing hot.

Anxiously he flipped to the next photo. She was loosening the ties of her hakama, and had let them slip a few inches from her waist.

The pictures only became more undressed from there, until she was standing in nothing but her skin. Tōshirō stood in shock, wiping drool from his face.

He sensed Rangiku's presence returning and hastily tried to stuff the pictures back in the envelope. He replaced the envelope on her desk and beat a hasty retreat to his own, sitting just as she walked in.

Before Rangiku sat down she grabbed both her and Tōshirō's tea cups and fetched more tea. She set his teacup on his desk and returned to finishing up the few papers left on her own.

After all of the paperwork was finished she pulled out a magazine and began reading.

Finally unable to stand the pressure anymore, Tōshirō caved in and asked, "Who are they for?" He indicated the pictures when she looked confusedly to him.

"Oh. You," she smiled, knowing he had peeked. He felt his cheeks heat against his will and he nodded firmly once.

A few beats passed before he realized something rather important to their relationship. "Who took them?" he asked sternly, wondering what male (or female) he would have to encase in an ice prison for the rest of eternity. He'd think of some other punishment for Rangiku for exposing her nude self to someone else.

Rangiku grinned mischievously, "That's personal." Tōshirō's mouth hung open, a look of utter disbelief in place.

"Personal?" Tōshirō spluttered. Rangiku laughed.

"You're not going to like it," she warned.

"I don't care! I want to know who you've been showing yourself to," Tōshirō demanded.

Rangiku shrugged. "Well, he's not interested in me, not anymore…"

"He?!" Tōshirō interrupted.

Rangiku nodded again. "Yes. Gin took the pictures for me."

**oOoOo**

Tōshirō had Gin temporarily cornered in an alley somewhere in Second Division. "Ah, I'm sorry, 'Gaya," he whimpered, eyes opened just a bit as he smiled apologetically. "I told Sousuke it'd be a bad idea ta start a photography studio." Gin managed to escape the shorter white-haired man's punch with a weakened shunpo.

The only thing Rangiku could make out while she watched Tōshirō chasing Gin around all of Seireitei was, "Sousuke, help meh!"


	39. Double Trouble

**Title:** Double Trouble  
**Date:** 17 April, 2010  
**Words:** 1167  
**Characters:** Toshiro, Rangiku, Karin, Yuzu, Ichigo, Rukia, Urahara, Yoruichi, Gin, Kon; mentioned Aizen  
**Pairings:** Rangiku & Tōshirō, Ichigo & Rukia, Yoruichi & Kisuke, implied Tōshirō & Yuzu, Tōshirō & Karin, Byakuya & Yachiru, Gin & Aizen  
**Summary:** What is Tōshirō up to, and why is he making out with _both_ of Ichigo's sisters?!  
**Inspiration:** Just a strange glimpse of a fight scene between Ichigo and Tōshirō in my head. And this is what it led to.  
**Rating: **PG

_**A/N:**__ Go check out the brand-new HitsuMatsu fansite and forums, especially made for people who just can't get enough of the pairing. The site address is _**www(dot)OnCloudTen(dot)org**_. Very special, mega-huge thanks to Shamork for the name, and a super huge thanks to all who gave us suggestions!!_

_For more details, and an easier link to follow, check out my profile. _

_Thanks for reading, and I hope to see you at the site soon!!__  
-Rachel Noelle_

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo **

"Hehehe," Tōshirō laughed evilly to himself. "This is the best plan yet. Ichigo's sisters have developed into such lovely goddesses!" A few passersby looked at the white-haired boy strangely, hurrying past in case his ailment was contagious. The unusual words coming from a boy who looked as though he might have only just begun puberty were reason enough to worry.

With a knock on the door, and quite thankful that Ichigo was in Soul Society visiting Rukia, Tōshirō presented his flowers to the lovely, well-developed fourteen-year-old girl who answered the door. She smiled kindly, curious as to the white-haired suitor's reason for visiting.

"Oh, Yuzu-chan, Queen of the Heavenly Valley! Take these! They represent my love and desire to be with you and your sister for the rest of your lives!" Tōshirō thrust the small bouquet toward the girl. She hesitantly took it and invited their unusual, though not so uncommon, guest inside.

"But, I thought you were-" Yuzu began hesitantly but was silenced by a quick kiss on her lips.

"No more," Tōshirō sighed overly dramatically. "I have lost the pleasure of the Supreme Ruler of the Heavenly Valley's attentions. But, alas, I have come for a better prize. Two prizes, actually!" At that moment Karin appeared in the door, worrying over the flush of embarrassment and lightheadedness of her twin. Tōshirō calmed her worries with a kiss, as well, and the events following are not appropriate for G-Rated audiences. PG-13, maybe. (1)

**oOoOo**

"Yoruichi, have you been into the storage closet without telling me again?" Urahara asked, confused.

"No, Kisuke, why?" Yoruichi returned, just as confused.

"It appears that something is missing, but I can't place what…" Urahara stated. Yoruichi looked worriedly to him.

"How very unlike you to not remember every detail of your stock, Kisuke," Yoruichi teased.

"I dare say it may help my memory if you were to put some clothes on in your human form. My mind seems to not function properly when I see you naked," Kisuke teased back.

The events following that statement are far too dangerous for a G-Rated fic. Or even PG-13. You'd probably have to be at an adult theatre just to _read_ about it. (2)

**oOoOo**

"Kon! Kon, where are you?" Ichigo called down the halls of the Kuchiki manor. "Where's that damned plushy?"

"I haven't seen him since we came back here this morning, the second time around," Rukia said, grumbling lightly. "Maybe Yuzu has him again?"

Ichigo shrugged. "Oh, well. Now, where were we before we walked in on Byakuya and Yachiru?" Ichigo shivered slightly. "I don't ever want to see that again…" Ichigo's nausea was quickly subdued with a kiss from Rukia. (3)

**oOoOo**

Meanwhile, back in the Tenth Division…

"Matsumoto, what are you doing?" Tōshirō asked, mouth gaping open in wonder at the woman's apparent lack of intelligence.

"I can't spar today, Taichō, you know that," Rangiku replied as though Tōshirō should already be aware of her inner turmoil.

"You'll have to refresh my memory on why this is," Tōshirō huffed, sheathing Hyourinmaru and crossing his arms.

"I just got my nails done! I can't have them messed up before the Third Division's Ball! Gin and Aizen are so looking forward to the evening; I can't stand to ruin it. Especially since he's done so well lately," Rangiku implored. Tōshirō lifted his face to the sky, begging for mercy.

"You're going to ruin it if your nails aren't perfect? Seriously?" Tōshirō asked in disbelief. She nodded and he heaved a huge sigh. "Do we have to go? Really?" he pleaded, yet again. Rangiku giggled. "Alright, don't say it."

"I just can't wait to see you in your sexy new dress kimono, Tōshirō," Rangiku intoned huskily in Tōshirō's ear, setting the teen's 'turned-on' sensor to 'too high to read' with a flick of her tongue against his earlobe.

"Dammit, woman," Tōshirō grumbled, "There are people around. Can't you wait until we get home?"

Rangiku pouted. "Ah, Taichō, where's the fun in that?" Tōshirō turned and walked toward the center of the arena.

"Alright, I'll make you a deal. Whoever wins the fight gets to make the other do whatever they want, whenever they want, for a whole week," Tōshirō stated, drawing Hyourinmaru again.

Rangiku sidled up to him, drawing Haineko in kind. "Alright," she grinned wickedly, "Bring it on!"

**oOoOo**

Some time later, after several rounds in which the zanpakuto kept calling for more, since it was unfair that Tōshirō led by one, or they had to break a tie, and a few PG-13 rated breaks in between (for both the zanpakuto and the shinigami), Ichigo stepped back into Soul Society for at least the fourth time that day, vengeance clearly written in his reiatsu.

Just as Rangiku was dragging Tōshirō off the arena field and into a more discreet place (no one ever used that broom closet except for them), Ichigo called out loud and clear, and obviously very pissed, "Tōshirō!! I want to know what the hell is going on!"

"Dammit, Kurosaki," Tōshirō yelled back as they met on the field of the Tenth Division arena. His face was pink with the heat of Rangiku's kisses, and faint love bites were beginning to show on his neck and exposed chest. "Why the hell are you interrupting me at a time like this?"

Ichigo immediately colored and smiled apologetically. "Erm, I guess… well, I can see you're busy with Rangiku-san and all, so, I'll just… go…" Ichigo slowly began backing away only to be caught in Rangiku's strong grasp. Knowing the battle was lost for him before it began, he decided to beg for forgiveness and explain everything.

He laughed fearfully. "Well, you see, I thought it was Tōshirō who was, er, exposing my sisters to things they shouldn't be exposed to yet. But, uh, I can see that it's apparently not the case here. Seeing as I doubt he looks like that because of my sisters. Though I don't know who would be doing things like that with Karin _and_ Yuzu, but they described him as a perfect replica of… Wait a minute. Where's Kon?"

Ichigo took off in such quick shunpo Yoruichi would have had trouble keeping up. A few beats later and Tōshirō realized what kind of damage the mod soul had done to his otherwise untarnished reputation, and took off after Ichigo.

**oOoOo**

"So, that's what was missing," Urahara mused aloud. Yoruichi smiled beside him, enjoying the chase outside.

Kon, in Tōshirō's gigai, ran up and down the road, jumping and ducking as much as possible, as Ichigo and Tōshirō, both in their spirit forms, chased him, their weapons drawn. Rangiku, and her new-old best friend, Gin, stood with Yoruichi and Urahara, cheering for Tōshirō and Ichigo.

"Just remember, you'll have to buy a new one!" Urahara called, spurring the fury of the two males on offense even more.

"I know how he feels, poor fella," Gin sighed, rubbing a still aching joint from the week before.

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

Notes:

1 – Yeah, I know, your mind went straight to the gutter. Shame, shame. Haha, j/k!  
2 – It is, however, perfectly acceptable to assume _they_ are doing things I can't write about in this fic. This is only T-Rated, after all.  
3 – Byakuya and Yachiru I'll leave to your interpretation. Same for Ichigo and Rukia. 8-)

If you haven't already, check out the new site!! It's not amazing, and it's still under construction, but it's going to be great, so long as we get all the help we can from you! Check my profile page for more info and links.

Can't wait to see you on the forums!!

-Rachel


	40. Convention

**This fic is here to serve as the official Grand Opening announcement for On Cloud Ten! **We've restructured the site so that you can join and post your HitsuMatsu fanfics there! It will be a haven for us, as long as you help make it that way. So, please consider this your official invite! For more details, take a look at my profile!

**Title:** Convention  
**Date:** 25 April, 2010  
**Words:** 542  
**Characters:** Toshiro, Rangiku; mentioned Yachiru, Byakuya  
**Pairings:** Rangiku & Toshiro; implied Byakuya & Yachiru, Gin & Aizen  
**Summary:** Matsumoto has a crafty idea to have her cake and eat it, too.  
**Inspiration:** Round Robin style fic, co-written with Anki-Shai.  
**Rating: **PG

_**A/N:**__ A "Round Robin" style fic, co-written by Anki-Shai (formerly KatonRyuuka) in celebration of the Grand Opening of the new fansite!_

_Thanks for reading, and I hope to see you at the site soon!!__  
-Rachel Noelle_

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

"Matsumoto, what are you doing?" Toshiro asked, staring at his fukutaicho. She sat at her desk, obviously ignoring the paperwork before her.

"Breaking the rules of convention," she replied simply.

Toshiro opened his mouth to reply and demand she finish the work until he finally understood what she had said. "You're what?" he replied, rather confused

"Breaking the rules of convention. You know, not doing what's traditionally expected of me. Being female and all," she replied.

Toshiro blinked again before letting his mouth hang open. Finally managing a coherent thought, he asked, "Why?"

Matsumoto stopped doing nothing and turned to look at her Taichou with a thoughtful expression, "Now that you ask, I think this is what defines me as me, you know? If I were to do everything that is expected of me then I wouldn't be me which means I would be another person."

Toshiro tried very hard to not let his mouth hang open at the nonsense his fukutaicho had just spoken. He had to remember why he liked the woman in front of him before answer with an intelligent, "You…eh…you…what?"

"You see, if I acted like, say, Yachiru, for instance, I wouldn't be me anymore. I'd be Yachiru. And goodness knows one is enough. Besides, if I were Yachiru, Byakuya taicho would be after me. And I wouldn't be able to date you or anything, being Yachiru and dating Byakuya and all," Matsumoto responded smartly.

Toshiro felt the unmistakable signs of a headache approaching while his mind tried to look for an answer that would cut out all the nonsense and make his fukutaicho do her work for once.

"So, what you're trying to tell me is... is..." Toshiro sighed heavily. What was she trying to say? "Wait a minute, what does you not doing your work have to do with breaking the rules of convention?" he declared, sending another glare Rangiku's way.

Rangiku smiled charmingly at him, leaning forward while playing with necklace around her neck, "It has everything to do with it, Taichou."

Toshiro was slightly distract by her sudden change of posture, his eyes were now following the playful movements of her fingers around her necklace and he never got the chance to see the gleam of triumph in her eyes. "Maybe we should discuss this with more detail…over dinner?"

"Dinner?" Toshiro felt his cheeks and neck heat. Sure, they briefly touched on the fact that they should date, and usually did not bother to correct anyone who thought the same. But there was nothing official yet. And the idea made him blush forcefully.

Swallowing a lump in his throat, he agreed. "Alright, dinner."

"Really?" Matsumoto exclaimed before she could stop herself. Toshiro nodded, once again, with a noticeable blush on his face. Rangiku couldn't help but grin happily at her Taichou before standing up and hugging him against her chest. "Is a date then!" She said kissing him softly on his cheek and leaving the office with a "I need to get ready then!"

Toshiro sat in a daze for a moment longer. It was a date, then, indeed. Looking down again, he noticed the still unfinished pile of paperwork on both desks.

The demon woman had left him to do the paperwork again.


	41. Arguing

**Title:** Arguing  
**Date:** 1 June, 2010  
**Words:** 1952  
**Characters:** Byakuya, Yachiru, Toshiro, Rangiku, Rukia, mentions of Ichigo  
**Pairings:** Byakuya & Yachiru, Rangiku & Toshiro, Ichigo & Rukia  
**Summary:** You should always think twice about arguing with a woman who knows how to punish you.  
**Inspiration:** Just something on my computer I happened across. I think I wrote this, anyway.  
**Rating: **13+

_**A/N:**__ I've been gone for a while, and I'm sorry. However, in this time I did put up a fence, level to 71 with my little 'lock on WoW, and chase nine-month-old crawling twins around the house until I'm nearly ready to pass out from exhaustion. I'd call it an accomplishment. I am working on the next chapter of One Night, One Lifetime as I post this. Well, sort of. Haha._

_The site is still up and running, and I want every one of you to join it! Please? Pretty please? How about I promise you e-ponies and e-motorcycles and e-cookies and e-ice cream, and anything you can think of? Spread the word. When you join, you're welcome to post links to the site on other websites, profile pages, facebook, whatever. We want the word out that we're hosting fanfics, and the best way is with your help! _

_We've created all sorts of categories, to cover all the most common pairings (including HitsuMatsu, IchiRuki, IchiHime, ByaChiru, and UraYoru, among others). Well, common may be a subjective term, but you get the idea. _

_The only requirement to join, as always, is that you support HitsuMatsu! (Which, if you're reading this, chances are good you do, or you will when I'm finished with you, at any rate.)_

_Thanks so much for all the support we've already received! Hope to see you there!  
-Rachel Noelle_

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

"No. Absolutely not," a cold voice stated, adamant about not relenting its position.

"Why not?" a younger, clearly female voice asked in return, quite unhappy with the pronouncement.

"That thing is a hazard to society, and I refuse to house something like that," the first voice replied, still firm and unmoving.

"But, Byakushi, it's just so cute! Hitsu-taicho would let Matsumoto-sensei keep it," the second voice pouted, trying not to act overly childish. Even if she was still just a teen.

He worked hard to resist the urge just to yell that Hitsugaya taicho _would not_ let Matsumoto-san keep such a creature, either, thank you very much. "Yachiru, please be reasonable. We cannot have something that dangerous living with us. I'll not have my servants eaten," the first voice, belonging to none other than Kuchiki Byakuya, responded again.

"Oh, screw your stupid servants. All they ever do is fuss because I talk too much or slump in my chair, or that my hair's a bad color. And a lady shouldn't curse, because it's unladylike, and god forbid I say that I need to have a pee instead of politely excusing myself for the restroom," the second voice, now known as Yachiru, carried on. "I say it'd be a good thing for most of them to be eaten by a hollow. Least it'd provide me with _some_ entertainment when I'm forced to wait all freaking day for you to be done with your stupid meetings."

"If you are finished ranting, I need to return to my work. I trust you can see yourself home and dispose of that vile creature of your own accord?" Byakuya failed to miss that he was digging himself seven feet under, rather than the usual six, in that one statement.

Yachiru crossed her arms over her chest, her face hardening and gaze set. "Fine then. I'll kill the thing, because you're probably right, it'll likely eat someone," she stomped her way to the door, adding in an undertone, "maybe you," and paused momentarily to glare at the oblivious sixth division taicho. "I'm going to help Ken-chan now, seeing as I'm _missing work_."

Byakuya made it to his home after work, half expecting there to be a hollow looking eerily similar to the mythical Cerberus sitting in his front garden. He was greatly relieved when he did not notice it. He hoped that Yachiru saw the insanity behind her request to keep such a horrible creature around. His relief, however, only lasted until he made his way inside the door and removed his shoes.

One of his servants, a man nicknamed "Slugger" (though no one, including him, seemed to recall why; perhaps he should make it a point to ask Yachiru if she was behind it) and one of his favored, stepped nervously up to him. "Kuchiki-sama," he spoke, bowing politely in greeting.

"Yes," was all the response Byakuya gave, as was his custom.

Bowing again, Slugger gave the directions handed him verbally by Yachiru, "Byakuya-sama, Yachiru-san has made it known that you are not to be allowed into your suite tonight, nor for the next three nights. I am afraid I was unable to draw a proper answer from her as to why, but she has locked the door with some unusual combination of Demon Arts spells, and I'm afraid none of us have the ability to undo such bindings." He bowed again, looking apologetically to the stunned Kuchiki noble, and backed down the hallway.

After the shock wore off Byakuya decided that he would not stand for Yachiru locking him out of his own room. He walked quickly up the stairs, pace declaring he had business to attend to, and knocked as politely as anger would allow him to. Yachiru called from inside to ask who was outside the door. When he asked to speak with her about her insolent behavior she opened the door.

Standing in the doorway, visibly beyond pissed, Yachiru faced him, clad in his favorite skimpy lingerie. "Yes? How can I help you today, _Kuchiki taicho_?" she asked, anger tinting each of her words.

Byakuya finally understood that he was in trouble. Though, noble or not, he did not understand why. He knew (at least hoped) even the child prodigy would have trouble figuring it out. So, he dug himself a little deeper. "Yachiru, I do not know why you are angry, but I do believe that if you are unhappy with me those emotions are irrational and unfounded."

Yachiru crossed her arms, enhancing her breasts with the movement, and started her short spiel. "Well, for someone of your stature it should be easy enough to figure out. I thought you had to have a certain amount of cunning and smarts to be a taicho. Even Ken-chan's smart enough to know when Retsu-chan's angry and why. And people say he only has his brute strength going for him," Yachiru stated, her tone surrounded in an air of disbelief and sarcasm, "Therefore, since your smarts and common sense obviously went out the window today when you so rudely dismissed me like one of your squad members, you can help yourself to the sofa for tonight, and the next few."

Yachiru slammed the door in Byakuya's face, leaving the nobleman staring blankly at it. At least he now understood why he found Ichigo so often sleeping in one of the guest rooms after he and Rukia first married. He trudged his way as gracefully as a scolded lover could up the next flight of stairs and settled in for a lonely night in a spare room.

The next day found Yachiru sitting at a table in the mess hall at lunchtime with Matsumoto, the younger woman ranting about stupid boyfriends and the older woman lending a sympathetic ear.

Matsumoto giggled softly, stating, "Toshiro only tried that once. He hasn't made the same mistake again. Don't worry so much, Yachiru-chan, Bya-kun will learn soon enough. And when he does, it'll be something he won't forget easily. Especially if he's being kicked out of his own room and not getting any at the same time." Matsumoto smirked, a knowing look on her face.

"I suppose so. It's just so damned frustrating. Not only do I have to put up with the chastising when I'm home and those hateful old bitties are around, but I was rudely dismissed like some unseated officer from my own boyfriend's office, by my boyfriend. Urgh! I don't how much more of this shit I can take!" Yachiru nearly screamed. The fury and ire in her voice sent some nearby troops running away with their tails between their legs. Matsumoto embraced the girl lightly, trying not to giggle too loudly.

Byakuya happened to be passing by, having left his office on the pretense of taking a delivery of paperwork to the tenth division. It was just pure coincidence that the mess hall happened to be on the way, and even more so coincidence that he'd likely find Yachiru in the tenth division office. So, therefore, it was pure luck that led the nobleman by the mess hall and gave him a chance to discover just why he was being punished. An errant thought entered his head, telling him that Hisana never treated him this way. That thought was quickly followed by an "_I kind of wish she had, then I'd already know what to do._"

Having heard enough to understand Yachiru's position on their argument, Byakuya turned on his heel and headed for the tenth division, papers still in hand. Perhaps, seeing as Matsumoto was Yachiru's 'sensei' in all things romance and feminism, Hitsugaya could offer some advice. As long as he could find a way to make it sound like he already knew the answer, and was simply comparing theories.

When Hitsugaya answered the office door and found Byakuya standing on the other side, he simply couldn't help the smirk crossing his face. Having had enough experience with the, for lack of better description, carefree type of woman both Matsumoto and Yachiru embodied, Hitsugaya knew the look in Byakuya's eyes better than his own. Byakuya was in trouble (and Yachiru's rant earlier in the office told Hitsugaya exactly why) and Byakuya needed help to dig himself out of his hole.

Hitsugaya showed the older man in and made motion for him to have a seat. Byakuya took it, looking caught between grateful and disdained. "I've come to deliver these forms to you, Hitsugaya taicho," Byakuya said, by way of greeting. Hitsugaya nodded and waited patiently for him to continue.

After a few moments of silence, Byakuya spoke again, "I seem to have… incurred treatment most unbefitting to a man of my stature…" Byakuya left the explanation in the air. Hitsugaya knew exactly the missing details and nodded, sharing a knowing look with the noble.

"My advice is to just apologize as soon as possible. Flowers seem to help, as does jewelry or dinner in a nice restaurant. However, if you can't figure out what you've done wrong, even if you apologize, you still get to sleep on the sofa for another couple of nights," Hitsugaya advised, speaking from experience, and a note of humor lacing his words.

Byakuya very nearly gave into heaving a sigh. Instead he opted to close his eyes, in a weak attempt to block out reality. A few more moments of silence and he spoke again, "Though I would prefer to solve this… issue of my own accord, it seems I am unable to."

Hitsugaya and Byakuya spent the remainder of the afternoon becoming damn near best friends. They exchanged stories for the majority of their time, most of them involving their respective lovers and the trouble they always seemed to be in. When Byakuya left the tenth division office, near time for the normal workday to be over, he realized he had spoken more with Hitsugaya in a matter of five hours than he had possibly talked with anyone else, excepting perhaps Yachiru, Rukia, and Hisana, in his lifetime.

Yachiru, still quite unhappy, but feeling better with her afternoon spent in likeminded female company, made her way home to the Kuchiki manor that evening. Rukia greeted her as she stepped in the door, having just arrived back from a week-long mission in the living world with Ichigo. Yachiru was delighted to have some female company on her side in the vast manor, and took solace in the fact that there were two ladies to stand up to the hateful hags who made up the female portion (and the ones who'd let the men walk all over them) of the family elders.

Byakuya waited upstairs in their suit, flowers and ring in hand, having given some very serious consideration to their current state of relationship. Yachiru was, quite expectedly, surprised when she discovered the scene awaiting her in their rooms. And when the nobleman took one of her hands in his, and dropped to one knee (after he'd apologized, of course, and was forgiven), Yachiru thought she might faint.

And then, she nearly did when he actually did ask her to marry him. When she gathered her bearings about her again, she responded, "Of course, Byakushi! On one condition." He looked terribly frightened, but nodded after only a second's pause. She finished, happily, naming her condition, "You have to take my last name."

Eleven months later the great Kuchiki household was as good as abolished and replaced with the title of Kusajishi. The disruption in the tradition sent nearly all of the elders to an early (or not so) grave. After Kusajishi Byakuya and Yachiru took over the rule of the manor, it was never the same again.

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

**A/N: **If I ever decide to get married, I'm either keeping my own last name or he's taking mine. Unless his last name is just too awesome to pass up (and that'll be hard to accomplish). I've also considered dropping my surname altogether and making my middle name my last name. Sounds like a plan to me, haha.


	42. Bun In The Oven

**Title:** Bun In The Oven  
**Date:** 13 June, 2010  
**Words:** 477  
**Characters:** Toshiro, Rangiku; mentioned Yachiru  
**Pairings:** Rangiku & Toshiro  
**Summary:** How long will it take Toshiro to figure out what "Bun in the oven" means?  
**Inspiration:** Er… I'm sure there was something… Haha.  
**Rating: **PG

_**A/N:**__ Just a fic to bother Toshiro a bit more. 8-) Oh, have I mentioned that it's totally and completely free to join the new HitsuMatsu fansite? Because it is!_

_I'm redoing the HP crossover fic. It should be up and running this evening (I'm GMT -06.00, if you were wondering). I'm going to include a personal favourite (Gin!) and send the twins back to school for Harry's Fifth year, rather than starting at his sixth. Should be fun! And I'd love to have you reading it!_

_Thanks for reading!__  
-Rachel Noelle_

_Oh, and I so had 'forty' spelled wrong in the summary. Ignore it, it's been fixed! *insert embarrassed smiley here*_

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

Rangiku emerged from the restroom in the small office, holding a stick in her hand. She sighed. This was possibly not good at all.

"Well, Taicho…" she sighed, "There's a bun in the oven."

Toshiro looked at Rangiku, his face full of confusion. "Why are you making sweet buns? I thought you wanted to go out for dinner?"

Rangiku laughed embarrassedly. "Yes, right. Out it is!"

She sat back at her desk. She'd try again in a bit. First she figured she would get some of the paperwork done, so that when the yelling ensued, he wouldn't have anything to threaten her with.

A beat later Rangiku tried again. Following Toshiro out the door, she stated, smiling, "So, I'm in the pudding club now." (1)

"Is that some new division of the Women's Association or something? Let me guess, Kusajishi started it," Toshiro replied with repugnance.

Rangiku, sensing now would not be the time, either, accepted defeat. "Sure. Hehe…"

Toshiro shook his head in distaste. "I suppose if it's something you want to do," he shrugged. Rangiku resolved for yet another attempt. Hopefully he'd figure it out before it was just plain obvious.

After a few minutes and many hurried sheets of paperwork later, Rangiku disappeared out the door to find the tea Toshiro so loved. When she returned, she burst through the doors as usual. "I'm knocked up…" Rangiku tried again, trailing off. Toshiro only looked, if possible, more confused.

"You don't have to knock. This is your office, too," he stated, still obviously uncertain about her unusual mood.

"I mean I'm late," she tried again. She desperately didn't want to say anything certain aloud just yet. And that would spoil her fun.

"Actually, you were on time today. Which, now you mention it, is kind of unusual," Toshiro cracked a small smile.

"But, I'm expecting," Rangiku stated firmly.

When she failed to continue, Toshiro prompted her. "Expecting what? A package? Did you order more of those _books_?" he narrowed his eyes at her.

"What?" the statement threw Rangiku off-track. She thought for a moment then replied, "No, no. I mean, I'm with child."

Toshiro's face grew horrified and pleading, "You're not taking care of Kusajishi right now are you? I still haven't replaced everything from her last visit."

Sighing, Rangiku dropped onto the sofa. "I'm pregnant, Taicho," she said plainly. Toshiro's horrified face looked more so by tenfold. "Don't worry, it's not yours." She grinned at the look on his face, full of shock and confusion.

When he realized what she had just said, he responded defensively with, "Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"

Rangiku smiled her usual 'I've got something up my sleeve' smile and responded, "I'm just kidding."

Toshiro visibly relaxed. "Thank goodness…" he sighed in relief.

"Of course it's yours!" Rangiku smiled, watching Toshiro fall from his chair in a dead faint.

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

Notes:  
1 – Something a search led to on Urban Dictionary. I haven't heard it, but it's kind of funny, so I used it.


	43. Cougar

**Title:** Cougar  
**Date:** 12 March, 2011  
**Words:** 768  
**Characters:** Toshiro, Rangiku; mentioned Renji, Ikkaku, Shuuhei, Shunsui, Nanao  
**Pairings:** Rangiku & Toshiro, implied Shunsui & Nanao  
**Summary:** Rangiku is upset, so Toshiro tries to figure out why. He may regret his decisions later, though.  
**Inspiration:** Just a flash of inspiration and an idea I had to act on.  
**Rating: **PG

_**A/N:**__ Guess what! I'm still alive and well, and I'm still writing (trying to get back into the swing of things, of course). Blame Shamork. He's responsible for keeping me occupied, haha. I thought you'd enjoy this, and I certainly hope you do. At first I thought perhaps I had too many off-shoots going on in the conversation, but then I realized (and I don't know why I didn't realize this before, being female myself), that this is simply just the way women hold conversations. Bear with it. I promise it has a point. 8-)_

_In further news… I'm 99% sure I will be redoing the HP fic (again, I know, but this will be the last time, promise!). Just got a few things I have to do to it first, then I'll start reposting things. The website has been shut down, because I just don't have the time (and right now the money) to keep up with it. If I get kicked off this site, then definitely look for Rachel Noelle's writings to appear on her own website. Believe me. But I really do like it here, ya know?_

_Thanks, as always, for reading and for sticking with me, those of you who are still reading my stuff. I promise to work on my efforts to write and update more often!  
-Rachel Noelle_

_P.S. It has been a while since I last wrote for Bleach. Pardon me if some of my names are misspelled or anything.  
_

**oOoOo—RN—oOoOo**

"Taicho," Rangiku called out as she walked through the door to their office. "I am never speaking to Renji again. Ever!" she huffed and plopped down on the sofa.

Toshiro hung his head, knowing he had no choice but to accept his fate and oblige her with a response. "And why would that be? You seem rather upset about it."

"He and all those idiots from the Eleventh kept calling me, like a cat. Saying 'Here, kitty, kitty,' over and over again. At first I thought it might be something about Haneiko, because, you know, she is a cat, after all. But they kept at it, and I asked them to stop."

"Uh-huh. More like yelled at them and threatened to have me freeze them, I presume?" Toshiro countered. Rangiku smiled guiltily.

"Why would I do that? That would be an abuse of your powers, now, wouldn't it?" she retorted, trying to sound innocent.

"Of course. I can't imagine why you'd do such a thing."

"Anyway, the point is, I asked them to stop, and they wouldn't. So, I walked away. I went on about delivering papers, and when I got to the Eighth, Kuoraku taicho was smiling like he knew something. I always know when it's about me, or maybe Ukitake taicho, because he gets this sparkle in his left eye. When it's Nanao it's his right eye that gets it. I asked him what he knew, and he just laughed and said, 'Well, you certainly aren't a tiger, or a lion. And you're hardly comparable to a house cat, don't you think?' and he only laughed when I tried to get anything else out of him." Rangiku crossed her arms beneath her breasts and pouted.

"And?" Toshiro asked, knowing there had to be more to the story if she was angry enough with Renji to vow to never speak to him again.

Rangiku did not require much prompting. "I went back to Renji and Ikkaku, because they seemed to have been the ones to send out the stupid memo to all of the men. I guess it's 'let's all call Rangiku a kitty day' today or something. I even had Haneiko threaten Renji, I mean, she only likes Hyou-kun calling her a kitty. And Zabimaru would let her pound on Renji if she wanted. He's pretty sweet on her. Something about saving him from Senbonzakura. But even with that Renji nor Ikkaku neither one would say anything. So I slapped them both and ran off."

"Rangiku, you can't just go around hitting anyone and everyone who won't cooperate on the first try," Toshiro reprimanded.

"Says you. It worked. But now I'm stuck trying to figure out what Renji said meant," Rangiku sighed, pouting again. "I asked everyone I could think to ask, even Nanao, and everyone just snickered and laughed and ran off the other direction."

"With a glare like that, I'd run off, too," Toshiro grinned. Rangiku's unwitting imitation of her earlier glare grew more dangerous. "In fact, perhaps I should?" Toshiro's eyes grew just a bit larger with fright. She might not be as powerful as him where her zanpakuto and kido were concerned, but she had access to certain areas that she could certainly damage for a very, very long time. He swallowed noticeably and tried to draw her attention away from him. "So, what was it that Renji said that you can't figure out?"

Rangiku heaved a great sigh and slumped her shoulders. "Oh, don't worry about it. I'll find Renji again later and make him tell me. I have something Shuuhei and Kuchiki taicho both might enjoy seeing, if he won't say, of course."

"Rangiku, don't try to blackmail people. That's not polite," Toshiro warned, adding more sternly at the look of innocence on her face at his warning, "That's an order."

"Of course, Taicho!" she replied brightly, a twinkle in her eye saying she had no intention of listening if it suited her to do so.

Toshiro accepted his fate, hung his head, then resumed his paperwork.

After nearly a half hour of serene calm in the small office, Rangiku looked up again. "Taicho," she began, implying she had a question for him.

"Yes?" he replied, not expecting her next question.

"Renji kept calling me a 'cougar'. What does that mean?"

Toshiro would later regret his decision to not contain his laughter at her befuddled expression, as when she stormed from the room, mumbling about the lousiness of the whole male populace, she added something about 'not getting any for at least six months, no matter what' to the end.


	44. Alice

**Title:** Alice  
**Date:** 19 April, 2012  
**Words:** 1122  
**Characters:** Toshiro, Rangiku; mentioned Renji, Kira, Hinamori, Toshiro's Granny  
**Pairings:** Rangiku & Toshiro, implied Hinamori & Aizen and/or Kira  
**Summary:** How Toshiro's feeling toward Alice in Wonderland have changed over the years.  
**Inspiration:** I love Alice in Wonderland. Plain and simple.  
**Rating: **PG

_**A/N:** Um, yeah… Well, the good news is that there's an update! The bad news? I don't know when I'll update again, hehehe. On the bright side, I did update the ByaChiru fic "Obvious Outcomes". Read this and leave me a comment, then go read that one and… I don't think that one is as good as I want it, but, meh. Let me know what you think I can do to improve. _

_I love you all!  
-Rachel Noelle _

oOoOo – RN – oOoOo

He loved Alice in Wonderland. Granny had been reading it to them at night for a few weeks, and he loved how it made Momo's eyes sparkle with excitement as she let her mind wander through the scenes, imagining herself as Alice, talking to flowers, eating cakes and cookies to make you grow larger or shrink, and playing chess with the red queen. Even up until Momo entered the academy, she liked imaging she was Alice and he was the White Rabbit when they played together.

She was like Alice: creative, innocent, sweet. And naïve.

oOoOo – oOoOo

He was beginning to dislike Alice in Wonderland. He'd gone to the academy because the woman with the big boobs said he could save Granny that way, and he was even more thrilled because he'd get to see Momo. Only, Momo didn't spend much time with him now. She was usually busy with work and things like that, and when she did have a day off, she spent it with Kira and Renji and that Rukia girl, she and Kira making fun of Renji for following her like a lost puppy.

Toshiro disliked Alice because he was no longer Momo's White Rabbit. He had been replaced by Kira and Renji, who he thought of more as Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, but she seemed to think of as the Hatter and the Hare. She'd stopped at their tea party and chosen to stay, the White Rabbit no longer of importance.

oOoOo – oOoOo

Toshiro hated Alice in Wonderland. Hinamori was like Alice, naïve, childish, and living in an imaginary world where everything was "just perfect". She had Kira and Renji, and her ever-so-beloved Aizen-Taicho. There was something about Aizen that Toshiro couldn't quite place. In fact, he didn't want to. All he wanted was to impress Hinamori and win her affections back toward him. She had been seated after just two years working as a shinigami. She was working on her shikai and quickly moving up the ranks. She was still in the much higher numbered seats, and not quite near a position of any kind of power in her division, but as much as she worshiped Aizen, Toshiro knew it would be just a matter of time.

Aizen would advance her, even if just to keep her hero-worship of him nearby.

Toshiro tried to quit fuming as the woman with the big boobs – now a friend he knew as Matsumoto – ran up and tried to strangle him in a hug. She gave him chocolates and a small bottle of sake then kissed him on the cheek and wished him good luck with his captaincy exam.

Toshiro cursed under his breath about how much he hated Alice in Wonderland, now that he didn't have an Alice anymore, and watched the strawberry blonde walk off, imagining her in a light blue dress, talking with the flowers…

oOoOo – oOoOo

Toshiro loathed Alice in Wonderland. Matsumoto, his newly assigned second-in-command, tried to force him to be the white rabbit for Halloween (after multiple protests and empty threats of demotion she succeeded). All in the name of "But it'll be so cute, Taicho!" He felt the future turning bleak before his eyes. If they both made it into old age, like the sou-taicho and his fukutaicho, he saw a lot of horrible Halloween costumes in his future. The damnable woman was hard to say no to. Scratch that – she was impossible. When she gave him those big, sad puppy dog eyes and puckered her lips just a little he tried to look away, but to no avail. He turned his head and caught a glimpse of her shimmering hair, and those omnipotent boobs of hers, and, he lost before he could even try to fight back.

Stupid bunny ears. As long as she didn't expect him to hop around like a rabbit…

oOoOo

Toshiro had finally braved asking Rangiku for a date – which was embarrassing and awkward at the very least, and things seemed to be going well for them, when the mass chaos there were absolutely no words for broke out. He sighed and sank back into the pillow on his bed in the infirmary.

Like there were no words to describe what was happening in Soul Society, there were no words that truly expressed his hatred for that manipulative caterpillar Aizen and what he'd done to Hinamori.

He wished Alice in Wonderland would sink into the furthest circle of Hell and burn there. Hinamori was Alice: creative, innocent, sweet. And above all, naïve.

oOoOo – oOoOo

Toshiro sat on the sofa, Rangiku's arms wrapped around him tightly. He let a few silent tears slide down his cheek, as he knew she was doing. Somehow they had survived. Somehow they had been blessed by the sheer grace of God.

Rangiku rested her head on his shoulder. She smiled and whispered "I used to think Alice in Wonderland was foolish and stupid, and about how I never wanted to act that way. But now I think there's really more to it. I feel like Alice, like I'm lost in a world of strange and unusual happenings. I feel like Alice must have when she fell down the rabbit hole. Everything's been turned upside down. But, you know, it's okay, because you are my Hatter, and you've helped me find my way through and make some sense of things when everything else was going absolutely crazy."

Toshiro's eyes grew steadily wider, his thoughts running many miles an hour. Suddenly, Alice in Wonderland wasn't so deserving of a fiery sentence into the deepest reaches of Hell.

oOoOo – oOoOo

Toshiro walked into the hospital room, gazing down at Rangiku lovingly. Everyone had recovered accordingly, and Hanatarou and Isane were bringing in their new little bundle of joy. Toshiro and Rangiku cooed and awed over the tiny infant, already showing signs of the beautiful blonde hair Toshiro so loved on Rangiku. Toshiro took the baby from his wife and cuddled her lovingly.

"I've been thinking, Toshiro," Rangiku said, "I think I'd like to name her Alice. It has such meaning to me, and to you, too, that I think it would be something good for both of us."

The look of surprise and discomfort on Toshiro's face must have thrown Rangiku off, as she amended with, "Of course, we can always find something else. She'd only a few hours old. We can take a few days to decide."

"No, no," he replied. "It's okay. I like it. Very simple and easy to remember. Hitsugaya Alice. It is very nice. I like it."

As he later penned in the information on the birth certificate, Toshiro decided that he might just love Alice in Wonderland after all.

oOoOo – RN – oOoOo


End file.
